Well, the king did mention a partay!

So yeah there was a party and I ate like an entire cow and drank till I shit myself.

That was not a figure of speech. I literally browned my pants in the middle of a royal banquet.

Suffice to say, my boorish conduct did not sit well with my would-be comrade in arms. It didn’t win me any points with the nobles and various foreign dignitaries that attended the banquet either.

My relationship with the party did not improve after we set out on our grand quest towards the Fallen Lands either. The difference in our culture and upbringing was just too much. Every one of them were straight-laced, blue-blood, holier-than-thou, motherfuckers. Meanwhile, I was the motherfucker who really can’t be bothered with agency, causes, and even a shred of discipline. I was constantly looking for ways to get high and to chill. My tardiness and constant whinging wasn’t warming up my comrades towards me either.

Truth be told, I wasn’t really feeling this quest, you know? I mean, go to the fallen lands and kill the resurrected demon overlord? What a drag. I just want to settle in chill place where I can cook some exotic meth and throw some wild parties, y’know? I got nothin against that overdude guy.

But still, the show had to go on. The party and I travelled northeast, occasionally stopping to accept a side-quest or two from some sobbing peasant, which I was also frequently apathetic towards. Plus I was basically useless in battle. Every enemy encounter was over before I could summon the angel. My team-mates were steamrolling everything in their path. Like bro, not calling the kettle black or anything, but take a chill pill on the cheat powers every now and then, y’know?

Anyway, I think you know what I am getting at here. I was starting to be a real drag on the party. I could feel it. Everyone else gets by swimmingly with each other but me. Sure, that sorceress chick and that wizard dude are real competitive with each other, but they quickly started having mutual respect for each other’s magic.

Romances had even formed between the dudes and chicks. That pretty-boy Alvin was hitting it off with Oliva. Elizabeth was frequently pairing up with Ivan and they were constantly exchanging glances with each other. That sorceress Anastasia had gone absolutely gaga over that saint-boy Caleb, which is understandable. He is pretty hot.

Among all the other party members, Caleb was the one who seemed to hold me in greatest disdain. He had had some qualms with me from day one, after he saw the way I was summoned the angel. During the banquet, he took me aside and started unloading questions on to me.

Mainly, Caleb wanted to know why I didn’t pray or even utter a single word of mantra for the gods when I summoned the angel. He also asked which deity I was subscribed to and a bunch of other theological questions. When I couldn’t answer any of his questions, he seemed to sour greatly on me, as if I had pissed all over his beliefs or something.

Whatever. I can never stand those overzealous religious types.

Still, I was kinda caught off guard when the party held an intervention when we were camping at the edge of the dark woods which borders the Fallen Lands. I had expected that they would want to get an early night’s rest since we would effectively be entering the Fallen Lands tomorrow.

I had snuck away from camp to smoke a jilweed joint. When I returned, the party was seated around the campfire. Elizabeth and Ivan sat close against a rock to the left, Anastasia and Caleb were snuggling under a blanket to the right, and Olivia and Alvin were seated together on a log across the fire from me. They all gave me hard stares as I approached.

“Have a seat, Vincent,” Alvin said solemnly.

“Ayyy, I thought you guys were turning in for the night. What’s up?” I said.

“Even if we were, it was your job to be on guard for the first watch,” Anastasia said, “Where the hells did you wander off too?”

“I just had to take a leak,” I said, rubbing the back of my head guiltily.

“You reek of jilweed,” Ivan said.

“Right, I snuck in a smoke in there too,” I replied, “What’s up fellas? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’ll be better if you sit down for this, Vincent, please,” Alvin said.

“Alright boss-man,” I said as I sat down on the open spot beside the fire.

“Vincent,” Alvin said, “Your conduct has always been rather unorthodox, but lately it has become a lot worse.”

“Whoa, hey,” I said, “Is this about the last battle with that Demonbeast back then? I swear, I was just off my game, that’s all.”

“You were high as a fucking kite you junkie!” Anastasia spat.

“Look Vincent,” Alvin continued, “We can’t help but feel your priorities aren’t as well aligned as ours. Tomorrow we will be entering the domain of the demon overlord and this type of behavior cannot be allowed to continue, or you’ll put the entire party in danger.”

“Ah, jeez, relax you guys…”

“Vincent!” Alvin interjected, “If we are to continue working together from this point onwards, you will need to dedicate yourself to the proper priorities. I am going to have to insist that you do not take anymore **** and that you fulfill your assigned duties adequately. Basically, you have to start pulling your own weight in this party.”

“Awww, c’mon guys, you know me, I take things real chill… What’s wrong with a smoke every how and then?”

Elizabeth sighed and shook her head. “This is pointless,” she said.

Olivia nodded solemnly, “I don’t think he even wants to be part of this.”

“Is that true?” Alvin asked me, “Do you prefer to be someplace else, chasing your own selfish desires?”

“Awww, c’mon. If you put it like that, it sounds bad,” I replied.

“But it is true, isn’t it?” Caleb asked, “Your heart isn’t in this at all.”

“Well,” I said, “This whole journey is kind of a drag, to be honest.”

The group groaned.

“It’s a drag because of you, you numbskull!” Anastasia said.

Alvin sighed. “Look Vincent. It would seem you do not appreciate the stakes that we are up against. The fate of this very world hangs in the balance. Obviously, you feel differently. And as such, for the good of the party and the good of this world, I am afraid I will have to ask you to leave the party.

My mouth fell open and I gaped at the faces around the campfire. “I can’t believe this…” I said.

“I know it sounds harsh, but…” Alvin started to say.

“You mean leaving was an option?!” I asked out loud.

“Huh?” said Alvin, “Yes of course…”

“You think we actually let you stick around because we like you or something?” Anastasia asked and rolled her eyes.

“Awwww jeeez. I didn’t know I could just leave, you guys. If I did, I would have just done so sooner,” I replied.

Ivan chuckled. “Well I wished you would have left sooner too.”

I chuckled back. “Haha. I mean, I wish you guys had told me that leaving was an option earlier, you know? Like before we got to the previous town of Tonaril. That way, I would have just left the party then, instead of making a deal with the demon overlord.”

The party broke out in chuckles. Then, at the same time, they all suddenly went quiet.

“Wait what?” Anastasia asked, her eyes widening at me.

“That overlord guy. Yeah, he had actually been watching us with a familiar all this time. Before we entered Tonaril, we were ambushed by a bunch of lizardmen remember? I went into the woods to take a smok… I mean to take a dump. That’s when the overlord came up to me.”

“Y-you met the demon overlord?!” Caleb asked.

“Yeah bro,” I replied. “He seemed pretty cool. We even shared a joint- uhhh… I mean a dump.”

“What do you mean you made a deal with the overlord?!” Elizabeth half screamed at me.

“Well, I was feeling pretty bummed out and stuff, y’know? So when the overdude just walked up and started chatting me up, man, it felt crazy good to have someone listen to my problems, you know? Anyway, after he listened and we shared a uhh… dump, he offered me a way out if I sold you guys out.”

The party was immediately on their feet with their magical weapons summoned on hand and spells buzzing on their fingertips.

“WHAT… DID… YOU… DO….?” Ivan asked menacingly as blue energy crackled from his finger tips.

“I ummm,” I said, “I put this incapacitating **** that I made into the dinner stew earlier. It should be kicking in riiiight about now.”

“You fucking…” Anastasia hissed as she raised her right palm at me. A red magic circle appeared before her hand and a distinct humming noise started building up.

Then there was a sizzle and the red magic circle dissipated.

“Wh-wha? What the…” Anastasia said. Her voice trailed off and she swooned backwards.

“Ana!” Caleb, who was beside her shouted and quickly caught her. He lowered her to the ground and placed his hand on her forehead. Then the saint-guy started chanting a prayer. He could only get through a handful of phrases before he started to wobble. “Ugh, my head. What did you…”Caleb gasped before collapsing.

Ivan sank to his knees next as the blue energy around him sizzled and blinked out.

“B-be-betrayer…” Elizabeth said as she collapsed against Ivan. Both of them then went out like a light.

Olivia soon groaned and dropped like a fly as well.

Only Alvin remained on his knees, propped up with his golden holy sword. He was trembling as he struggled to maintain consciousness. “H-how could y-you?” He asked, “What kind of hero would do this?”

“Sorry bruh, but I’m not really a hero you know?” I replied with a shrug. “I was a **** dealer before I came here. Backstabbin be my bread and jam, y’know? I’ve snitched on my best friends to the cops and I’ve played my gang brothas and turned them on each other. I’ve even turned my own sister into a crack ho and charged people five dollars a nut to get with her. She was my personal subway card to get me my daily five-dollah foot-longs by taking foot-longs herself, if you know what I mean.”

“Y-you’re a monster…” Alvin groaned. His eyes rolled back and he finally collapsed onto the grass like everyone else.

“He’s right you know? You ARE a monster,” A deep, unsettling voice boomed behind me.

I turned to see a tall figure cloaked in black come out of the shadows into the campfire light.

“Yo what’s up Overdude!” I said.

“That’s overlord,” said the demon overlord. He advanced a few more steps and stood over the **** heroes. “Damn, you really did it,” said the demon overlord, “I mean I know you said you would do it, but to think you’d actually do it. That was cold bruh. Chills man. I got chills.”

“Hey, a deal’s a deal. That’s my motto brother,” I replied. “You got the shit I asked for?”

“Hmm?” Said the overlord, “Oh. Oh yeah, the Kullanium,” he muttered as he reached into his black cloak and pulled out a black metal ingot.

“Niceeee,” I said, taking the black metal from him.

“I never even knew Kullanium had such uses,” said the overlord, “Back in the Fallen Lands, we just use them to make cauldrons.”

“Ah, not by themselves they don’t. But when mixed with some other metals that I got here…” I said as I pulled out some assorted lumps of metals which I had refined from ores from my bag.

I put all the metals onto the ground in a heap, including the kullanium ingot. Then I hovered one hand over them. The metals started melting and mixing, forming a single blob of grey liquid metal. Then it split into six even parts and coagulated into balls.

“Your alchemy skills are incredible,” the overlord said. “I’ve never seen anything like it! Strange though, I could have sworn my sources told me that you were a summoner.”

“I have different talents, my man,” I said as I picked up the grey orbs of metal.

I went to each of the heroes and placed a metal orb on their necks. Using the power of matter manipulation from my alchemist class, I morphed the metal orbs into metal ring collars that circled around each heroes necks.

“There,” I said, “That way, their powers will be completely neutralized.”

“Most Impressive,” the overlord said.