Well, I'm gonna get me a boss man, one gonna treat me right

Cinder’s heart was pounding in her chest. Her face felt like it was on fire. Was she really going to do this? Was she going to kiss Nick- or rather, be kissed by him- seven times?!

She wasn’t an idiot. She knew that Nick would like nothing more than to kiss her. After all, her body was the same as Ella’s. And Ella, in Cinder’s mind, was amazing and desirable, an adorable woman who anyone would be happy to hold. Too good for someone like Nick!

…But… Nick was who Ella wanted. And for some asinine reason, Ella was of the opinion that Cinder should be kissed whenever she got kissed. So much so that she was now forcing the issue, even though there was a time and a place for this sort of thing!

Why would she feel that way!? Cinder wasn’t meant for love or romance or any of that mushy gunk! Ella was the one who deserved to be loved, not her! Cinder… Cinder’s only purpose was to hurt those who tried to harm her other self.

She was fine with that, honestly. That sense of purpose… it made her feel like she mattered.

Ella… Ella’s feelings… that was what Cinder should be focusing on. That’s what Nick should be focusing on, for that matter!

So why was everyone so goddamn motherfucking concerned about Cinder’s feelings… without even taking them into consideration!?

Nick was getting closer now. He was looking right at her. Feeling his eyes on her like this… it made Cinder… it made her…

…She didn’t know what it made her feel like. But it wasn’t a good feeling. It was the sort of feeling that made her heart ache. Like she was being given something that she didn’t deserve- or want, either.

Cinder couldn’t do this. It was making her feel too uncomfortable.

Too angry.

“Back off!” Her temper flared up and her anger burst out of her like an explosion. She pushed Nick away and he staggered backwards, stunned.

“Ci-Cinder?” Nick’s face turned pale and his eyes widened. The look he gave Cinder in that moment, that grief in his gaze, like he was afraid that he’d hurt her…

It made her whole body freeze up.

“Just STOP!” Cinder raised her arms in front of her face so he couldn’t look at her anymore. She knew what he would see when he looked at her face, after all. She must have looked absolutely nightmarish and pathetic. That was the last sort of thing she wanted to show anyone.

Her heart was pounding, and she wanted to puke all over the Master’s Suite. Her stomach was gnawing away at her, and the strength in her legs was failing her.

Nick just stared at Cinder, aghast. He hadn’t even done anything yet- he hadn’t even tried to kiss her- and still, she’d just rejected him so viscerally and aggressively.

Did he read things wrong? Did he misunderstand the situation?

He wanted to comfort her, but he wasn’t even sure if he should do THAT.

“I don’t understand…” Cinder was trembling. “Why… why are you doing this?” She asked, looking up at him past her arms. Her gaze was smoldering furiously. “Why are you… so determined to push this? Nick… I… I don’t… I don’t understand…”

Her voice cracked and she nearly collapsed. But she stood firm and channeled her anger.

“I don’t want this… I don’t… why… why does no one care about what I want!? You… you and Ella… you have your nice little romance, and I can’t do anything about it… but I don’t want to be part of that! I don’t!”

As the words passed her lips they hurt more and more. But Cinder was righteous in her fury, that’s what Nick just didn’t understand.

These feelings of hers? They weren’t stubbornness! They… they were the truth…

She was sure of it…

So why did her own words sting so much when they reached her ears.

“I just… I… I just…” Cinder shook like a leaf. She looked so fragile and helpless in the moment, like a strong gust of wind would knock her over if she wasn’t careful.

Nick didn’t know how to react to her. He didn’t know how he could comfort her, or if she even wanted him to.

“I just want Ella to be happy,” she said through clenched teeth. She raised her head, and this time the look she gave Nick was one of fury. “Why does she have to be so fucking stubborn, huh!? What the fuck is the matter with her!?”

On the sidelines, Gina wondered if Cinder had looked in the mirror recently.

“Isn’t it because you’re the same person?” She bluntly asked the other girl.

Cinder whirled around and looked at Gina with murder in her eyes. “What did you just say!?” She snapped furiously.

Gina shrugged. She wasn’t intimidated by Cinder’s rage, because she’d handled far worse in the past and knew that Cinder wasn’t actually capable of hurting her. Unlike a lot of the more sheltered women in Nick’s harem, Gina didn’t scare easily due to the rough life she’d lead up until this point. So she took the outburst without much fuss.

“You and Ella are the same person, that’s how it works, right?” Gina asked, scratching her head. She didn’t know much about this multiple-split-double-fudge-what’s-it-called thing Cinder or Ella or whatever her real name had. In fact, thanks to random TV shows and cartoons that she’d watched over the years, she’d been pretty convinced that split personalities were actually different people. And nothing she’d seen from either Cinder or Ella had really disproved that to her, since she didn’t know them very well.

But if there was one thing Gina knew, it was that Dawn was smarter than her. And while Gina didn’t like most people who were smarter than her, she did respect Dawn’s intelligence, even if the feeling was very much not mutual.

So if Dawn said Cinder and Ella were the same person, Gina would accept that answer and treat them that way.

“If you and Ella are both the same person, isn’t that why you’re both so stubborn?” Gina repeated again, cutting to the heart of the matter.

Cinder stared at the punk girl in shock. Her mouth fell open and her eyes bulged out from behind her bangs.

Holly decided that maybe she could finish her breakfast in the kitchen, and quickly skedaddled. Mary watched tensely at Nick’s side, and Nick… he honestly didn’t know how he was supposed to feel, looking at them both. He cared about Cinder (and Ella) and he also cared about Gina, and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do in his present condition.

…But he was pretty sure Cinder might explode in a couple of seconds.

“…Shut your mouth!” Cinder exploded. “Ella and I… what are you even talking about!? Ella… Ella’s a good girl! A sweet, caring person who lived a horrible life! What she went through… it’s not fair! She… she deserves happiness! Not… not this…”

“Not you?” Gina winced. She approached Cinder cautiously. “That’s what this is really about, isn’t it? You’re afraid that you’re making Ella’s life worse. Isn’t that right?”

Nick was stunned to see this much empathy coming from Gina. Not because she wasn’t a good person at heart, but because Gina had never been the best when it came to reading the room. But it seemed like she was actually trying to get through to the other girl.

“I’m Ella’s protector!” Cinder snarled, glaring at Gina. “How dare you suggest that I’m making things worse for her, you bitch!? Without me, she’d fall victim to terrible people looking to abuse and take advantage of her!”

At first, she’d thought Nick was one of those people. Now, things were a lot more complicated.

“Agh, I give up…” Gina rubbed her temples and sighed in frustration. This had quickly burned through what patience she had. “Look, whatever. If you don’t want to admit the obvious, then you don’t fucking have to. But it’s pretty clear to ME that you’re pretty miserable, Cinder. And sure, you can SAY that you’re here for Ella’s sake, but… can’t Ella want to do something for your sake, too, then?”

“Gina’s right,” Nick said, stepping closer to Cinder. “Ella really wants you to be happy too, Cinder. That’s why she made me promise in the first place, that anything she and I did together, I would also share with you. Don’t you see? Your other self is looking out for you and trying to put you first for once, because she knows how much you care about her!”

Cinder seethed. She turned and glared at Nick, her face flushed and her heart pounding.

“Then she should respect my wishes!” Cinder snapped. “And respect that I don’t want anything to do with you!”

Nick knew that wasn’t true. He could see it in Cinder’s eyes. He had hesitated at first, but now it was obvious. Cinder may not have felt exactly the same way about him as Ella did, but her feelings… they weren’t nonexistent.

Maybe if she even let herself experience them, she might be willing to accept them.

“Cinder, you and I have already done a lot together, though,” he pointed out. “Like-”

“Don’t remind me!” Cinder interrupted him with a snap. She tugged at her scraggly hair and shook her head. “Fuck… that shit… I fucking hate all that garbage! I only did that under duress! Be-because I had no choice!”

She was lying through her teeth now. But Nick was honestly a little lost. Why, after everything that happened between them, was Cinder now suddenly regressing and acting this way? Why was she being so stubborn, when she’d come all the way here in the first place just to get a kiss from him?

Did she want him or not?

Nick was the sort of guy who respected the feelings of women. So if Cinder didn’t want any kisses, well, that was fine by him. Ella might have a problem with it, but that was the business of herself and her alter. Nick wasn’t about to assume that Ella’s consent meant that he could kiss Cinder, because even if they were the same person, her rejection meant that a part of Ella’s heart was also hesitating, and that point…

…At that point…

Wait, could that help her make sense of everything? Get her to make a choice one way, or the other? Nick considered. It made him feel a little slimy even suggesting it, but if Cinder just needed a permission structure to accept getting kissed by him, this might be the way to go about doing it.

But still… it felt really slimy.

“Okay, Cinder, let me talk about some stuff with you, alright?” He asked, taking another step closer to her.

Cinder crossed her arms over her chest and put up her shields. “…Talking is fine,” she said warily, giving him a suspicious look.

Nick shrugged. “Okay. Sure. So we can all agree that you and Ella are the same person, right? You’re different parts of each other but on a fundamental level, you’re both the same?”

Cinder leered at him. “I’m a part of Ella,” she snapped. “That’s not me being the same as her! Don’t you get that, you fucking idiot?”

Nick held up his hands. “Fine, right, sure. You’re a part of her, you’re not the same person. But that doesn’t change what I’m saying.”

Cinder kept leering at him. “…Then what are you saying?” She asked, narrowing her eyes.

“If you’re a part of Ella, then it stands to reason that Ella isn’t completely sold on being with me then, would that be accurate?” Nick asked her.

Cinder blinked. “…Huh!?”

Nick gestured to her. “Well, you said it yourself, right? You exist to keep Ella safe. To keep her from getting hurt by other people. You come out if you think that Ella is in danger, whether Ella wants you to or not.”

“That’s right, so what!?” Cinder snapped at him.

“So… maybe the reason that you don’t want to kiss me is because subconsciously, Ella isn’t sure that I’m a safe person,” Nick said quietly. He glanced at Mary. “It was the same with me and Mary. She wasn’t ready to do stuff like kissing or even holding hands until she was sure she could trust me again. Until she was sure she felt safe with me.”

Mary blushed and gave a small nod.

Gina rolled her eyes. “Geez, you guys… come on! It’s just sex, it’s not a big deal. What is this, a high-school chastity circle?”

Mary gave her a cold look.

Cinder’s look was anything but cold though. She glared at Nick, not sure what he was saying. “So what?” She snapped at him. “What’s your fucking point, huh?!”

Nick shrugged. “Well… I don’t want to hurt you, or Ella,” he said. “So if you’re not ready to kiss me, then I won’t.”

Cinder looked surprised for a moment. She wasn’t expecting him to just accept it so easily. “Well… well, okay then,” she mumbled, scratching her cheek. “Works for me, I guess.”

“…But I can’t kiss Ella, either,” Nick added.

Cinder flinched. “What!? Why not?!”

“Well, I mean…” Nick gestured to her again. “You don’t want me to kiss you, right? So it’s not right for me to kiss Ella either. Unless she completely consents, it’s not right to kiss her. What happens when we go beyond kissing? When we’re at the point when we’re ready to have actual sex? Am I supposed to have sex with her while knowing that you’re somewhere in her mind feeling all of that, and that you can’t stand it? How is that any different from assaulting you, Cinder?”

Cinder didn’t know what to make of that. She was completely lost. All of this… it didn’t make any sense to her at all.

“Don’t… don’t fucking care about that shit!” She sputtered. “Just fucking kiss her or whatever, it’s what she wants!”

“But it’s not what you want, and as you said, you’re a part of her,” Nick reminded Cinder again.

“WHO CARES!?”

“I care,” Nick said. “I care about Ella, and that means I also care about you, since you’re a part of her. I told you before, Cinder- I don’t want to do anything with Ella that would hurt her. And if your job is to protect Ella from things that will hurt her, that means I won’t do anything with Ella that you’re not comfortable with me doing with you. Okay?”

Cinder balled up her hands into fists and started to shake. For a second Nick thought she was actually going to punch him.

“What… do you want from me?” She growled. It looked like she was about to burst into tears. “Well!? Fucking talk, you bastard! What do you want me to say, huh!?”

“Cinder, it’s not about what I want from you!” Nick wasn’t trying to manipulate her into kissing him or anything like that. But he still felt gross. Because he understood that Cinder’s feelings on the matter were complicated, and he was forcing the issue.

But, in his opinion, the issue needed to be forced.

After what happened with Echo last night, Nick was particularly sensitive about how Ella and Cinder took him kissing them. Ella may have been okay with it, but if Cinder wasn’t, then… that wasn’t alright.

Just like it wasn’t alright for Echo to do the things she did to him, even though a strange part of him had been okay with it.

He was forcing Cinder’s hand, he knew that. He was making her decide whether or not she was okay with kissing him, or ultimately, if she couldn’t accept it.

But he couldn’t keep dancing around the issue, and date Ella the way he was dating her while Cinder hovered in the background like a phantom, glaring at him on the sidelines.

If Cinder wasn’t okay with any of this stuff, then that was fine. That was HER choice. But… Nick wasn’t so sure that was what she would ultimately decide on.

Her face was burning. Her eyes were hot and wet.

And she was starting to hyperventilate.

“I don’t know, okay!?” She finally exclaimed, slumping over. “I just… I just want Ella to be happy! She’s the good one! She’s the one who deserves it! So why are you punishing her like this!? Just kiss her like you normally would, you bastard!”

“But Cinder, we’ve talked about this!” Nick protested. “You deserve to be happy, too!”

“Who cares about what I deserve!?” Cinder snapped at him. “I sure fucking don’t! What I want… what I deserve… that doesn’t matter! Ella matters!”

“And you’re a part of Ella, so what you want matters, too!” Nick said with finality.

Cinder wanted to scream. She wanted to throw a tantrum. But she knew it wouldn’t get her anywhere.

That was the part she couldn’t stand.

Why? Why was she stuck like this?

Why couldn’t she just…

“…I don’t know what I want…” Cinder admitted.

She’d never had to actually care about wanting something before.

“I just want… Ella to be happy…” she muttered to herself. “But this… being like this… it’s not… I don’t… I just…”

It was all too much for her to process.

“Cinder, do you want to kiss me or not?” Nick asked, placing his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him with a tired expression on her face.

“If I say I don’t know… you won’t kiss me, will you?” She asked quietly.

“I won’t kiss you if you’re not sure it’s what you want,” Nick said sincerely. “And it looks like that’s the case, unfortunately.”

Cinder bit her lip. Anger and frustration burned in her eyes.

“And what if… what if I did want that, then?”

Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her.

She glared at him. There was no way she was going to say it again. She could hardly even believe she’d said it the first time.

To be honest…

Cinder didn’t know.

She didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t know what she should do.

All she COULD do was stared at Nick, and just…

Think.

“I want Ella to be happy,” she whispered. “Does that mean… I have to do stuff like this?”

Nick winced. “I don’t want you to feel pressured for Ella’s sake,” he said. “I want you to tell me what YOU want, Cinder.”

Cinder opened her mouth to answer him, but she couldn’t.

“Fucking… fine!” She snapped, and pushed him back against the table. “Fine! You fucking… if that’s what you want, then FINE!”

Before Nick could even process what she was doing, she was suddenly kissing him furiously.