Vampiri

A letter? Who gets a letter these days? I mean a good old fashioned piece of paper folded into yet another folded piece of paper and delivered to your door, seriously!

Usually, you get bills through the mail; you get ads on shiny coated paper that try to sell you weight reduction programs or the last promotions of your local supermarket, but a letter?

No, that´s not the kind of things you get in the mail.

I try to remember when was the last time I got a letter and despite my best efforts, I'm unable to recall that happening anytime in my past.

Is that possible? Never getting a letter, it's a bit sad now that I think of it.

Oh by the way, my name is Erin Banks, the name might sound familiar but I can assure you we've never met. I go to high school but not for long anymore, finals are approaching. I'm going out with Mark, he's a nice guy, not too bright but, hey, he got my virginity and according to what I hear that's supposed to be a big thing with you guys, so I keep him around.

So you see: we've never met before.

Let's go back to that letter. The envelope is white, pretty standard; my name is written in a handwriting I don't recognize. The doors of the elevator open. I take out my keys, enter the flat.

"Hi dad."

"Hi sweetie, how was school today?"

That's my dad, he's a cubicle salesman for a large corporation selling... well something, I don't know what exactly. At some point he sold cars, later it was machinery for hospitals. With the crisis, he lost that job and he's been on and off jobs selling stuff since. I kind of lost track recently. By the way I live alone with him. Mom left with another man when I was a kid. What kind of bitch does that to a kid?

Anyway, I lock myself in my room to read the letter. My dad won't bother me, he understands that as a teenager I need my personal space, my little own secret garden. I seat at my desk, I clear it of the pile of half opened books I use to make believe I'm studying. I take out the letter.

No expedition address. It's kind of thrilling to have this in front of me.

I don't know why but I have the feeling that this letter might change the course of my life. Not that I applied to any university or anything, too much pretend not enough studying, you see. I'll go work with my uncle on the west coast next summer and then we'll see.

Okay, back to the letter now. So I flip it for the third time and finally convince myself to open it.

In it, I find a single sheet of paper, a cheap, black and white, photocopied paper. I'm about to dismiss it as another stupid ad and curse myself for the useless expectations I've built around a handwritten envelope when one word attracts my attention: Vampire!

It's written at least three times on the paper - I'm used to spot the word. I start to read.

"Dear Vampire enthusiast,

We proudly invite you to the grand premiere of our feature presentation,

BLOOD FOR THE VAMPIRES

Pre reopening of the Kings Theatre, Brooklyn

Doors will open at 10 PM sharp on the night of the Thursday June 19th

Bring your nicest vampire costume

Free drinks for everyone after the movie

This invitation is valid for four persons"

And below the text, there's the poster of the movie representing what looks like a drop of blood running down a woman's chin with the credits barely readable below.

This is huge. I look at the picture again, despite the terrible resolution, the way the light falls on the bloody chin is pretty hot...

Okay, you need an explanation at this point and since we are in my head and that you don't exist, I can confess something to you.

You see, since I was eleven I've always been a huge vampire fan. Fan is not exactly the term... How can I put it? Let's be blunt: vampires make me horny. In other words, my lady parts get all wet when I think of ravenous immortals that prey on innocent virgins...

Hey, stop judging me! You fantasize about blonde teenagers with terrible haircuts and the body of a boy, well that's your thing.

My thing is terrifying creatures of the night out to suck my blood. It might sound silly but it's not sillier than erecting Justin Bieber as the sex symbol of our generation.

In the dark of the night, when I feel horny and relieve the tension manually, I imagine a great fanged beauty (either man or woman, when it comes to vampires, I'm totally bisexual) flying in my room through my window, perversely seducing me before defiling my body and drinking my blood through the proverbial twin bites marks in the neck... Or the thigh, or the breasts, or the ass, or the cunt, or the... Sorry, for a moment there, you lost me... So yes, you can imagine this letter has a huge appeal to me.

As a true vampire groupie, I proud myself on being heavily in the loop concerning anything related to vampires and I must confess that it's the first time I hear of this movie project. But who cares? I'll go for sure and offer Mark, Cheryl and Kathy to come with me.

***

Mark and Cheryl say yes right away. Going out dressed as vampires and enjoying a select movie premiere at a famous landmark in New York, how could they not?

Kathy has to negotiate with her mother to be allowed to come.

“It's a weekday, darling, and you have school the next day.”

“I know mom but it won't finish too late and we'll stay at Erin's place.”

“Will her father be there?”

“Yes mom of course he will.”

Liar, liar, as a matter of fact daddy is off in Detroit for a big contract and he won't be coming back until the following Tuesday.

“What is the movie about?”

“It's a romantic comedy, mom, come on let me go.”

“I'll have to talk it over with your dad.”

“Come on mom...”

Anyway, she finally manages to bend mommy's resolution and get a free pass to make it to the premiere. I suspect that beyond the eagerness to have a night out with three good friends, we share a bit of the same fetish, Kathy and I.