Upstream

Toadsworth had fainted a few minutes ago. Mario and Luigi crouched behind the crates and boxes that the parts of the professor’s machine had been transported in. The machine had formed a sort of ring and inside of it an aperture from a warp pipe was forming…

“Ah professor,” Luigi shouted to the older man.

“Not Now Luigi!” the professor shouted, “I have locked onto a signal!”

“Duck!” Mario shouted.

“What?” Professor Gadd turned to see why the brothers were shouting…

“Quack!” the mallard squawked as it flew backwards into the professor before landing, and taking off again.

“What was that?” Mario asked.

“That looked like an eight-bit mallard from that game the came with the Famicon Aunt Luigeena bought for her brats,” Luigi said.

“At least it wasn’t Canadian Geese,” Mario shrugged, “Lets help the professor…

The brother’s tried to low crawl to the professor like they were in an army movie.

*

Peach followed the river upstream and stopped to let Epona have a rest for a bit.

“Good girl, do you need a drink?” Peach asked as she dismounted the horse.

Peach looked around as the horse walked to the river’s edge and sniffed at the water. Peach covered her eyes to look further upstream. There were hints of smoke up stream. She had guessed that she was traveling north-ish based on the sun’s movement and position, but she couldn’t be sure since she had no idea if she was even on a planet she had been to before…

“I don’t suppose this thing came with a magic map,” Peach muttered to herself.

Epona looked at Peach with a disinterested gaze.

“Come on girl, lets see if that smoke means friendly people,” Peach said reaching over to take the reigns.

*

The figure started to emerge from the aperture… She was blonde, tall and absolutely nothing like Princess Peach!

“Submit to Bon Dori!” She cracked her whip, “The Queen of Bondage!”

“Ah, how did we get a dominatrix?” Luigi asked.

“She looks like she walked out of a porno from the 90’s,” Mario responded.

“Ahh, ohhh…” Professor Gadd looked her over.

Mario had to admit, the leather thigh boots, leather one piece bathing suit, belts with chains and fingerless arm gloves made the blonde look hot…

“Come here so I can suck your brains out old man!” the woman hissed as she curled a finger to the professor.

“Nope,” Mario and Luigi both said as they rushed forward.

They turned the woman around and pushed her back into the aperture.

“I was offering a blo….” The woman shouted as she went back into the portal.

“I hate you right now,” Professor Gadd remarked dryly, “The both of you.”

*

The first person to come up to Peach was an old woman with noticeably long and pointy ears… like the Elves on the covers of those Lord of the Rings books Luigi and Mario had brought back from their last trip home.

“Where did you get this horse?” the old woman asked sternly.

“If she belongs to you or someone you know, I will be happy to return her,” Peach said dismounted the saddle, “I mean no disrespect, I found her alone tied to a tree.”

“Where did you find her?” The old woman asked again.

“A few hours ride to the south,” Peach said, “She was out of sight of the bodies of two dead riders and one dead horse outside a cave filled with Goriya.”

Peach was surprised to hear the unfamiliar word when she had tried to say ‘boomerang throwing weasel-men’, but she supposed that that must be the name for them in this place.

“And you managed to survive?” the old woman asked.

“I managed, just barely…” Peach said, not wanting to explain too much, “Who does this horse belong to?”

“She is one of the royal guard’s…” the old woman reached out to pet Epona’s face, “Come, we must hear what happened. Girl, take this mare to the stable.”

The old woman turned as a blonde teenager with those ‘elf’ ears came out and took the reigns

*

The figure that emerged from the aperture was a small yellow creature with brown stripes and red spots on it’s cheeks.

“What is it?” Luigi asked.

“I don’t know,” Mario looked at the small thing looking up at him, “Hay there, you got a name little fellow?”

“Pika, pika?” the animal responded.

Out of the aperture a pair in white and black outfits with neon dyed hair came with a large butterfly net.

“Got you!” the pinkish purple haired woman shouted.

“Now you are our!” the blue haired man snapped.

“Pika!” the creature snapped.

Mario and Luigi were about to say something when the pair of Anime characters were shocked with a lighting bolts that seemed to come right out of the yellow creature.

“Nope!” Mario and Luigi both rushed forward and shoved the pair of anime characters into the aperture before picking up and tossing the yellow animal back as well.

“You know Daisy keeps asking what’s up with the gloves,” Luigi said once the interlopers were gone.

“Peach thinks it is hysterical that a plumber would be a germophobe….” Mario shrugged, “Eddison was right, insulated rubber gloves are a lifesaver when there is an electrical short.”

*

Peach was uneasy, there were no boys, no young men… The youngest man was maybe fifty? The old woman sat in front of Peach at the table in what was a tavern and inn.

“Where did you come from?” the old woman asked.

“A place far from here…” Peach admitted, “I am not sure how I got here; I just woke up by that horrible cave.”

“And where did you get such an outfit?” the old woman asked.

“I don’t know, I was wearing it when I woke up,” Peach lied then added some truth, “I have no idea how to take it off either. What was with those Goriya?”

“They are servants of the Demon Lorde, Ganon… A faction of the Gerudo witches being led by a son have enlisted them in their war against our people,” the old woman said.

“And all the men? Are they fighting this war?” Peach asked looking around.

Of the middle-aged men, all were missing a leg or arm or something that would prevent them from military service.

“No… the Gerudo witches place a curse upon our lands, for twenty years, no sons have been born and no boys lived to see adulthood,” the old woman and the rest all looked down.

“I am sorry,” Peach said.

A part of her wanted to reach out, but something told her not to.

“You can stay the night here, I will ensure you are fed a good meal,” the old woman gave an odd smile.

“Thank you,” Peach said, “Is there an outhouse?”

An ancient man with one eye pointed to a back door.

“Please Excuse me,” Peach smiled.

“You haven’t touched your wine,” another woman said.

“I will be back shortly…” Peach assured her.

*

“Impa!” the voice boomed down the hallway causing her to freeze.

“Your majesty?” Impa turned and gave her odd half bow, half curtsy to the king of Hyrule.

King Harkinian looked over the Sheikah young woman. She was so much like his own daughter, but her white hair and red eyes marked her as a foreigner in these lands.

“I know you and Zelda are closer than just an advisor to her princess,” Harkinian said with a guarded tone, “You are perhaps her only true friend she has. I would as a special task of you… I would never ask you to betray my daughter’s trust…”

Impa hadn’t realized she had reacted to the implication, but hoped that the king was sincere about not making her pick between service to either.

“I have no right to ask,” Harkinian, “But please ensure my daughter survives me, stay with her and protect her… no mater what she must do… Please bring her back safe.”

“Yes your majesty!” Impa saluted automatically.

“Yes, and tell her I love her,” Harkinian added, “I will understand if I do not see you around the palace for a while… Now then, I have to meet with General Wrighte.”

The king turned and left the white-haired young woman alone in the hallway.

“Is he gone?” Zelda asked from the mostly closed doorway.

“Yes,” Impa said.

Zelda stepped out after having changed. She wore the boots, leggings and tunic of a Hylian soldier and held the helm, chain tunic and tabard of the first foot regiment.

“You heard your father?” Impa asked.

“Yes…” Zelda said, “I have no doubt that the answers we need are not here… Something far from here is calling to the Tri-****…”

*

“Who are you?” Mario asked the purple haired elf lady.

She spoke in what sounded like Swedish and seemed do to be snapping questions of her own. Luigi looked the woman over; she wore a long white dress with a purple poncho over it. Her red eyes, gold crown and a detail of three gold triangles pointing down on the poncho stuck out to Luigi.

“Ah… Sorry to waste your time Miss, if you would just step right this way…” Mario gestured for the woman to return into the portal aperture.

*

“Did you drink the wine?”

Peach turned and looked at the source of the question, it was the blonde teenage elf girl who had taken Epona’s reigns from her earlier.

“No, I was never one for wine, I just didn’t want to say anything,” Peach admitted.

“Don’t,” the girl said, “It’s poisoned… the old crone sold out the royal riders… she cut a deal with the Gerudo witches in hopes that they will spare what is left of this village.”

“So I am in danger,” Peach thought to herself.

“I brushed down your horse, fed her, and cleaned the harness and saddle,” the girl said, “Ride out of town with the sunset to your back and follow the signs along the road to the castle. It will be safe for you there.”

Peach furrowed her brow at the teenager.

“Here,” the girl handed Peach a rolled-up scroll.

Peach unrolled the scroll and saw that it was a printed map. There were hand written notes on the page. While Peach cold read the words, it reminded her of standing in the door way as Mario and Luigi talked while repairing the plumbing in the castle. She knew the words, but they were used in a fashion that formed a technical langue unto itself. She did recognize the red question marks, spear and shield, sword and shield and crossed swords markings as probable locations of hostile forces. There was a broad front to the west going north and south cutting off the lands called Hebra, to the north west, and Gerudo, to the south west.

“Where did you get this?” Peach asked.

“The Royal Scouts had that, the stable owner stole it from them before they were sent to the cave down stream and I stole it from her office,” the girl confessed, “I tried to warn the scouts…”

Peach gently reached out and turned the teenager. She lifted the back of her tunic revealing the bruises from multiple whippings.

“Here I don’t have any money,” Peach said sliding the map into the pouch on the back of her belt and pulling out the green gems, “But I am sure these must be worth something.”

The girl’s eyes lit up as she looked at the dozen green stones that Peach gave her.

“That’s a dozen Rupees, that is more than I make in a fortnight,” the girl looked up.

“Ok, go stay by my horse and be ready for me,” Peach smiled.

Peach thought of how to see if the towns folk were the problem…

*

“Ah…” Luigi spoke first.

The pair of red heads were trying to strangle each other. The only difference that the brothers could tell was that one wore a black bouse while the other wore purple…

“You have to help me; she is a doppelganger!” the pair shouted at the same time.

“Sorry Ladies you will have to take this elsewhere,” Mario said before pushing them back into the portal.

“Good call,” Luigi said.

*

Peach strode into the main room of the tavern and inn and spotted the untouched glass of wine on the table.

“I was thinking, I should report the loss of the soldiers to a garrison, which way is the castle that they came from?” Peach asked pretending to do so with a heavy heart.

“To the west,” One spoke up with a smile, “Take the road out of town to the sunset and at the next fork in the road take the path to the south west.”

Peach smiled as she thought of the map and the markings indicating an enemy camp at the cross roads and the enemy forces in the boarder castle.

“You know, I don’t have any money, have any of you heard of Mustard Smoke?” Peach asked.

The villagers all gestured their confusion over the item.

“Let me show you how it is made!” Peach smiled as she went behind the bar. She found the cleaning items…

Peach grabbed the serving bowl and started grabbing bottles from the shelf behind her. She used the height of the bar top over the working surface behind it to hide what she was doing. She mixed the cleaning agents like Mario and Luigi had warned her not to and put the bowl up.

“Here come take a whiff…” Peach smiled as she went to the end of the bar.

The villagers all started to come over before they started to cough and react to the toxic vapors released by the mixed cleaners. Peach took the shock to slip back out the back door.

“Get her!” someone shouted.

As Peach ran down the back alley she could hear the people on the street front shouting about her chemical weapon. Peach got to the intersection and spotted the stable across the street. The teenaged elf girl was standing the middle of the road listening to the shouts in confusion. Elsewhere Peach could see the women of the village arming themselves with make shift weapons; kitchen knives, spades… The options flashed before her and despite knowing how bad it could be, she knew what she had to do and hoped the girl would forgive her.

“Nobody moves!” Peach shouted as she rushed out and grabbed the teenager, holding her sword to the girl’s neck, “I am leaving and you are all going to let me go or the girl gets it.”

“What?” the girl was in real shock.

“Change of plans, I am getting you out too,” Peach whispered to her, “Lets go.”

Peach backed into the stables and found Epona ready and pawing at the ground as if she knew the plan already. Peach let go of the teenager and quickly mounted the horse.

“What do you mean?” The confused girl asked.

“I am taking you with me,” Peach said reaching down and pulling the girl up and over the saddle sideways, “Lets go Epona!”

“Grab that bag!” the Teenager pointed at a bag hanging near the stable door.

Peach reached out as they started out and grabbed the bag off the hook and placed it on top of the girl before flicking the reigns and holding on as Epona started to gallop. The two women on the horse quickly were out of town heading along the east road towards a friendly castle.

*

“Nope, no power armor here lady, try back through there,” Luigi said before shoving the blonde in the catsuit holding a pistol back into portal.

“How much longer can this machine run?” Mario asked as he looked up at the sunsetting over the castle walls.

“Not much longer, we need to let the system cool and recharge the capacitors!” Professor Gadd called.

“Bro?” Luigi asked.

Mario looked down and sighed.

“Alright professor, shut it down!” Luigi barked, “We will try again in the morning!”

Luigi put a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

*

“So, Linkle,” Peach said as she took the saddle off Epona, “I am really sorry about grabbing you like that…”

“It’s no big deal, here there are!” Linkle said, “I was going to steal a horse and make a run for it by the end of the week anyways.”

Peach turned around and was shocked to see the blonde elf girl wearing a green hooded cloak and holding a pair of crossbow pistols like she was an action hero posing for a movie poster.

“Oh,” Peach said in slick shock, “Careful with those.”

“I have been training since I was ten,” Linkle winked, “I know how to handle them.”

“And how old are you now?” Peach asked.

“Nineteen,” Linkle admitted, “Next year each year becomes a season for me.”

“What does that mean,” Peach asked.

“What?” Linkle asked unsure what the other lady meant.

“What does that phrase mean? ‘each year becomes a season’?” Peach asked again.

“You are not Hylian are you?” Linkle asked.

“No, I am a stranger to this world,” Peach admitted.

“The Hylian and the Shiekah people are both children of the Ancient Sages of the Tri-****,” Linkle explained, “Once we have our twentieth birthday, our bodies slow how they age, so compared to the Twili, the Goron or the Gerudo, we age a quarter as fast as they do in a year.”

“And each year has four season?” Peach asked.

“Yes, So while our King, King Harkinian is sixty years old, he looks like he about the same as Queen Umbrosa of the Gerudo who is half his age,” Linkle explained.

“And you are war with her and her people,” Peach said trying to make sense of what was going on.

“No,” Linkle said as she hooked her crossbow pistols to her knee boots, “It is complicated. Ah… Ok, so Umbrosa is the queen of the Gerudo, she is in charge of the Gerudo Deserts and it’s people… we are facing off against a rogue coven of their exiled witches who have rallied around a Son of Gerudo. Umbrosa used to deliver any members of the Coven to Hyrule to face justice before the Witches and Armies of the Demon Ganon cut us off.”

“Ok, so who is this ‘Son of Gerudo’ and why Is he so special,” Peach asked and then added, “I am new here and have no idea what I wondered into.”

“Right… ok, so,” Linkle shook her head, “The Gerudo are an all women race, they almost always only give birth to daughters. They use to send their daughters to Hyrule, to the Yiga lands to the east, to the Twili lands to the north… in hopes they would find a man and return bearing a child. Once ever hundred years, one son is born to the Gerudo women. Many times that son was made a king of Gerudo and allowed to have any of the desert women he desired.”

“But that isn’t what is going on with this one, is it?” Peach asked.

“No, he is the son of the former ambassador to Hyrule, and he claims to be the true heir to the throne of our kingdom, not the King’s daughter, Princess Zelda,” Linkle said, “His mother was the head of the Witch Coven that unleased a plague that killed many of the men of Hyrule and has killed all of our sons for the last twenty years.”

“And the men from your village?” Peach asked almost not wanting to know the answer.

“Drafted into the armies, and kept beyond their normal five years of service,” Linkle said, “My father was recalled… I am sure he perished in service already…”