Untimely intrusions

Finally, Jordan’s first day was finished and Eric took him back home discussing the latter part of his day as they walked up the stairs to their apartment. “But why didn’t you just tell him no?”

“I did. The little shit wouldn’t take no for an answer so I told him we had a date that night.”

“Well, what are we doing for our date?” Eric teased.

“I don’t know, beer and tv.”

“Wow, catch me I may faint.”

“We’re not actually going on a date.”

“Then you better come up with something better, because I would definitely do a better date than that.”

“You have a date?!” Eric stopped when he heard the excited little voice standing by their door.

“Crap,” Eric said under his breath. “Lauren...what are you doing here?”

“What kinda greeting is that?” Lauren looked positively tiny next to Eric’s larger frame, especially when she utterly failed in her attempt to give him a bear hug. “Ugh, one day.” She finally looked past Eric to Jordan. “Who’s this? Your daaaate?” She teased her brown hair dangling in a high ponytail

“Um, yeah h-she’s my, um, well...my-”

Lauren cut him off before he could even think of a lie to finish with, “She’s your girlfriend?!” Not waiting for a response Lauren pushed past her brother and took Jordan’s hands in hers excitedly. “You’re so adorable! How long have you two been dating? What do you do? Is my brother treating you right? If not I’ll kick his butt!”

“Lauren!” Eric shouted.

“What?”

“Come inside, let Jordan breathe.”

Jordan watched Lauren in stone silence, the girl couldn’t be more than 18 or 19, she was dressed in khaki short shorts and a green button-down top that put Jordan in the mind of a forest ranger more than a young woman fresh out of high school.

As soon as Eric opened the door Lauren bounded inside, “Thank God! I nearly forgot!” Lauren ran into Eric’s room slamming his bathroom door in a violent rush.

“What the hell was that?!” Jordan whispered angrily at Eric.

“You remember my sister?”

“That was her?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, how come she didn’t recognize me?”

“Cause she was like eight and you were going through that emo scene phase with all the piercings and multicolored hair. I think you maybe said two words to her.”

“Hey, I looked good!”

“I have a yearbook that begs to differ. But what are we gonna tell her? She’s gonna keep asking until we tell her more about our...relationship.”

“Well...just...tell her we started dating when I moved in.”

“So about three years.”

“Yeah. And-”

Eric’s bathroom door opened and a very relieved and cleanly Lauren walked into the living room. “So...what’s with the crime scene?”

Eric struggled for a response to go along with their new story. “A pipe, it uh, burst,” Jordan jumped in, “And now they think there’s mold so they had to seal it off. Our old roommate had to move out. He couldn’t even get his clothes out first, poor guy.”

“Oh...so I guess I’ll guess the couch it is.”

“Yeah...wait, what?” Eric eyed his sister, confused.

“Well I can’t stay in the spare room, and I doubt the couch is worse than the floor.”

“What do you mean stay? Why are you even here?” Erin pinched the bridge of his nose angrily.

“Oh right, like I got money for a hotel.”

“Lauren. Start from the beginning for once.”

“Okay, it’s not exactly a big headline or anything. I had some vacation time from work and I thought I’d come and see you.”

“What about college?”

“Oh yeah, you haven’t been home so you don’t know. I’m taking the semester off, just kinda destress my brain while I save up some money.”

“And you drove all this way?”

“Well, I was in town.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Lauren glared at Eric as if the answer should have been obvious to him.

The simple truth slowly dawned on him and his shoulders slumped weighed down with guilt. “Fine, you can stay here.”

“Cool! Now, enough about me, aren’t you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?”

“Oh, right, Lauren this is...Jordan. Jordan, this is Lauren.”

“Hi, Jordan.” Jordan didn’t have time to react as Lauren hugged him tightly. But, that might have been because he was once again without a bed to sleep in.

“...Hi.”

“So come on, tell me. How long have you been putting up with my brother?”

“Uh, nearly three years now.”

Lauren eyed Eric angrily, “You’ve been dating for three years and you didn’t tell anyone?!” Eric shrugged, unable to come up with a lie.

“It’s fine,” Jordan said softly, trying to speak as femininely as possible.

Lauren sighed, “Have you eaten yet?”

“No, not yet we were going to-”

“Great. I’m starving. Eric where can we get pasta?”

“We?”

“Oh, was tonight date night? I’m not intruding am I?”

“No!” Jordan said quickly.

“Great, that’ll give you and I time to get to know one another while Eric drives.”

“Whoa, I didn’t agree to any of this.”

Lauren stopped, turned to Eric, and looked at him with big puppy dog eyes, “You’re gonna let not only your sister, whom you haven’t seen in years, but your girlfriend both starve?”

Eric sighed, he knew it was an act, he knew she was just trying to play on his guilt, he knew she would get food some other way, “Fine.” Eric followed Lauren to the door who had wrapped her arm around Jordan’s and begun questioning her quickfire.

The couple and the visiting sister sat and enjoyed their meal while Lauren controlled the lion’s share of the conversation. When she wasn’t filling Eric in on all the gossip back home she was questioning Jordan and Eric about their relationship. For the most part, they were able to be honest, just augmenting their friendship to seem more...romantic.

Eventually, Jordan excused himself to the lady's room leaving the siblings alone. “So, what’s with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Were you guys fighting?”

“What? No. Why?”

“Because you’re kinda both giving each other the cold shoulder.”

“What? No. You know, I’ve never been big on PDA.”

“Come here.” Lauren leaned in crooking a finger to Eric who leaned in with her. Lauren snatched Eric’s ear pulling on it hard, “Are you kidding me?! Has that ever worked?!”

“Lauren! Let go! We’re not 10 anymore!”

“How many times do I have to tell you? Girls like romance. Why do you think all your exes broke up with you?”

“What?” Lauren released Eric with a bitter frown.

“This happens every time, you get a girlfriend, they’re nice and sweet and we become friends and you do exactly this and you guys break up and they’re gone!”

“Because I didn’t grope them in public?”

“Not grope you neanderthal. But show some affection, like you’re actually happy they’re with you. Hand holding, hugs, kisses, that sort of stuff. Just show you care.”

“I show I care. In my own way.”

“Really? She looked plum hurt you didn’t tell mom she even existed.”

“Look, how about you stay out of my love life, you don’t know what goes on in a mature relationship.”

“I don’t huh? I bet mom does.”

“You wouldn’t.” Lauren takes her phone out of her purse and begins dialing a number, “You’d seriously call mom because I don’t flirt with my girlfriend in front of you?” She put the phone to her ear as it started to ring. “Fine!”

“You’re gonna treat her better?”

“Yes!”

Their mother answered the phone on the other end, “Hey mom, I just wanted to let you know Eric...was nice enough to let me stay with him and his girlfriend while I’m here.” There was some brief chatter on the other side of the phone before Lauren responded again, “Oh yeah, she’s really pretty. I don’t know what she’s doing with him.” She spotted Jordan walking back from the bathroom. “Okay mom, gotta go, love you.”

Jordan sat down as she hung up the phone. “Hey, sorry. Did I miss anything?”

“Nope.”

Through the rest of dinner, Eric attempted to show he loved his girlfriend. He’d put his arm around her and tried to feed her a shrimp. He even tried to wrap their drinking arms around each other to sip from their cups only to succeed in spilling coke all over himself and Jordan.

Later, back at the apartment, “Good night you guys.” Lauren shouted as they closed the door to Eric’s room.

“What the hell was that about?!” Jordan whispered angrily.

“PDA,” Eric replied weakly as he sat on the edge of his bed.

“Did you have a stroke? We’re not really dating! And by the way, no the hell that was not PDA.”

“Look, my sister got all up in our business and threatened to call my mom.”

“So?”

“My mom who would race up here to straighten me out, my mom who’s had several long conversations with you, my mom who taught you how to do your makeup for your little goth phase, my mom who would absolutely recognize you?”

Jordan sighed, “Fine. But seriously what was that?”

“You know I’ve never been good at that stuff.”

“You bear hug me all the time!”

“Yeah, and you do that to a girl and she’ll kick you in your clackers. Believe me, that’s no fun.”

“Wow.” Jordan sat beside Eric. “This explains so much.”

“No, I tried to do PDA before and it was pretty much the same result.”

“That’s...just so not how you do it. Here.” Jordan took Eric’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers slowly. “See? That’s nice right?”

“...yeah?”

“You can’t just go whole hog man, you gotta be soft, gentle, subtle even.”

“If I like someone, why be subtle?”

“Because it’s better...just trust me. Girls love it.” Jordan pulled his fingers free of Eric and began searching for pajamas.

“Hey, you’re not exactly dating someone right now. I don’t count, remember?”

“Yeah. But no girl ever broke up with me because I wasn’t affectionate enough.” Finally finding some pajama shorts and a light negligee Jordan sighed and turned to Eric, “But seriously, where am I going to sleep?”

“I might have a spare blanket we can put down on the floor.”

“You’re not serious. I’m not sleeping on the floor.”

“Well, I can’t. My back already sounds like a cement mixer even on a good mattress.”

Jordan sighed, “You don’t snore do you?”