Turning V-Cards in for Satan

It’s more accurate to say it takes me some time to reconcile everything I’ve learned and experienced with what I must now do. I now know that demons are real—sex demons no less, the sort popularized in all kinds of fiction—and they can affect our world. The app is the direct product of demons, and—if those demons are to be believed, a dubious proposition—it’s use won’t consume my soul. They allegedly don’t serve Satan, Lucifer, or anything of the like. They apparently just want people to bone as hard and as often as possible, and they’re willing to ruin my life to make sure I boost that adequately.

Alright. Yeah, that’s kind of a lot… I mean believing in and fearing God is a lot simpler when otherworldly devils manifest in your living room and urge you to sin. But as damning as playing along might be… I mean, do I have a real choice here? No angels have come in with counter-arguments, “Ginger” didn’t present an impossible explanation for why a succubus might not be a soul-eating temptress, and all the while I’m being told to fuck “or else.” I just wanted to play it safe a bit longer because of all the unknowns… but they’re all more or less known, now, and refusing now is a clear and present danger.

The only question left is what counts as losing my virginity. Will anal work? If not, can I find dad’s condoms in time? Do I want to find dad’s condoms? The last one’s answer is “Hell no,” but Teresa getting knocked up still doesn’t seem like something the app will help me manage… wait a minute.

I pull my phone out and scroll again to Teresa who, luckily, is still in the building. I pull her information up and…

MENSTRUAL PHASE: LUTEAL

It just takes a bit of Googling to find out she probably can’t get pregnant today. Moreover, I could just pull out, right? I’ve got more willpower than all those knuckle-draggers who became dads because they couldn’t control themselves. Yeah… yeah, alright. Just have unprotected sex with the school slut and pray she didn’t fuck anyone with an STD. Come all over her, offer my shower to clean her up and… and then I’ll get 100 gems, too! Yeah, this can work. This is a good plan!

I’m not doing a great talk of pep-talking myself into it… but I do get motivated enough to change out of my soiled clothes and into fresh boxers and a t-shirt. I look my bedroom and bathroom over, find neither in good enough order to have a girl over, and begin frantically cleaning up the place in anticipation of dirtying it all anew. I have no idea how she’s going to receive having to fuck me, but the last thing I want is her spreading rumors about how much of a slob I can be! I burn almost half an hour cleaning my bathroom, picking up my room, and getting fresh sheets onto my bed before I finally decide to pick up the phone and…

… and… Teresa isn’t in range anymore.