Triple the D, Triple the Fun

I was struggling to keep up with the other two. They were running freely–very freely–while I was trying to make sure my boner stayed tucked into my belt. I’d asked them if they were happy to just run ahead if I slowed down and they seemed perfectly content to ditch this puffing loser. As such I was trailing behind a fair bit, not helped by my already tired body. Eventually I decided I was far enough away that neither would even notice me taking a small solo breather.

Stopping in a shady tree thicket, I was at least happy I had taken my top off for heat reasons. It did feel good to run without feeling as sweaty, though I’m sure I looked weird as hell still wearing my Joker mask.

“Psst!”

I looked down the path at the noise, expecting either girl to have doubled back to me. Seeing nothing, I looked around to find even more nothing.

“PSSST! GET IN HERE, YA HEAR?!”

I jumped back at the sudden appearance of a huge penguin santa claus yelling at me.

He was trying to be sneaky while hiding in a nearby thicket, glaring at the path left and right before once more signalling for me to join him.

“Uhhh…” I said, not knowing what to do here.

Maybe this was my first tournament fight?

Without much guidance I stepped through the thin wooden barrier and into a small grove where the penguin presided. We were surrounded by trees, yet the penguin man was still investigating the area for what I can only assume is anyone ‘listening in’.

Was this a Pokémon? I’m not actually that much of a gamer, that’s more Futaba’s realm, and when I did play smash bros it was one of the older ones since that was all I could afford. I think I’d remember a giant penguin man, especially one with a giant comically sized hammer resting nearby.

“Did you hear about da new guy?” He spoke quietly after determining we were safe to speak here. Talking with a thick accent I wouldn’t have expected from a giant penguin, though admittedly no voice would have made sense to me. His huge beak was grimacing at me in a way that made me fear his hammer even more, “He’s another one of ‘dose’ ones.”

“What?”

He snapped his gloved wings at me angrily, “I know yous don’t believe me, but it's a conspiracy ya hear?!” he snarled before peering through some of the trees like the police were about to raid this grove. “Dis place used to be full-a normal people like us. Strange body shapes, tiny mushroom weirdos, Porkymen, ya know! Normals!”

I looked down at my body briefly. I’m not actually that out of shape, am I?

Continuing, he suddenly grabbed his hammer and started rotating it in his hands, “Shoulda stopped it with dat Marth asshole bringing his boyfriend, Roy. Then came that angel prick who had his own clone, and the guy with the grenades, and so many more damn swordies! Dey’re trying to phase us normals out with these beautiful lanky freaks! Won’t be long till it’ll just be a buncha dudes touching their stupid swords together, IT’S DISGUSTING!” He wretched, slamming his hammer onto the ground hard enough to make my feet leave it. “I hear da new guy’s getting some special treatment too!”

I’m still really confused, but I had to ask, “Is he?”

“Yeah he is!” the penguin raged, “Sonic told me about the ‘Olympics’ he did with Mario. Found out about this village of beautiful people called ‘olympeens’ where they just have gross beautiful people sex! All day! How rude is dat?!” He raged, stomping his feet around in a big huff, “Why not hire a bunch of sexy penguin girls, huh?! Where’s the love for ol’ Dedede!? While dey leave us normals to fend for ourselves, I bet all those stupid freaky ‘human’ girls wanna do it with this new guy!”

“Uhh… wow, do they?” I asked, trying to not sound too excited if the giant penguin was correct.

“Of course, ya idjit! Just you mark my words…” he said getting closer to me to whisper, “Keep ya eyes peeled behind dat mask, Meta Knight. Dese freaks could be anywhere…”

With a final nod he rapidly exited the grove. Thundering down the track in an absolutely unsubtle way.

Leaving me with so many questions, but the biggest one was:

“...who the hell is Meta Knight?”

Meanwhile, Lucina and Wii Fit Trainer were slowing down to let their dashing new friend catch up. But as the minutes went by with the two standing there, both were beginning to wonder if he'd gotten lost along the winding path.

“Where has he gone?” asked Lucina, frowning towards the lack of Ren behind them. Wii Fit Trainer continued to stretch out her arms and legs in place, but in a more concerned manner than usual. "You don't suppose that... another woman has found him?"

Both their faces looked mortified as images of green haired Goddesses or Umbran Witches finding him plagued their mind. "Player 1 has disconnected!"

"We must find him quickly! Before-!" said Lucina, looking ready to run back down the path... before suddenly stopping herself. Wii Fit Trainer gave her a confused head tilt before Lucina looked away from her, "...if you would like to keep running, I'm sure Ren and I can catch up... later."

Wii Fit Trainer's eyes tightened, still not stopping her lunges but looked rather unimpressed by Lucina. She crossed her arms under her hefty bust, "...make sure take regular breaks. Perhaps try returning to the main menu to try a lower difficulty challenge."

"Sounds like neither of us are backing down. I guess we'll see who finds him first... and who he likes to talk with more."

She didn't wait to see the result of her sharp comment before walking away from the gasping gymnast. She began hurrying down the winding path to try and find Ren.

Her Wii Fit Rival looked angry, then a little sad, before settling on a determined huff. The path had split behind them a while back, so there was a chance either one of them could find Ren first. She rushed away in a burst of speed with little concern for how her chest bounced around, only quietly whispering to herself, "Player 1, please reconnect."

Well, that penguin santa man certainly left me with a lot of questions.

Do the smash bros characters really treat their multiversal mansion like the sex dens of the Olympic village? From what I remember from when a blushing Ann explained it to us, it is a thing that happens (much to Ryuji's amazed delight). Men and women at the prime of their life, stuck together in a single location, all hopped up on adrenaline and emotions, bonding through sex. And that's just the Olympics, out here none of us would suffer any consequences since we're in this multiversal pocket universe separate from time.

Yeah, the more I think about it the more plausible it gets.

And apparently, they wanna do it with me? Not gonna lie, if it's all true, I'm willing to join in. Even if they're cognitions and it won't count in the real world, the opportunity is there and dammit I wanna have sex.

It’s always tricky to know if the feeling is mutual, but the massage and topless run is certainly giving me the idea that the giant penguin may have a point. If there’s a horny girl that’s into me, and I’m into her, why not? Especially if we’ll both be forgetting this whole experience anyway.

The more I talked myself into it the faster my legs ran to try and find the two who had left me behind.

It took me a few minutes to catch up to where I thought they were. Running down the path and hoping my luck would take me down the right turns to try and find them again. "Am I lost...?" I asked to no one in particular. Hearing only a distant 'H-Yes!' that sounded like neither Lucina or WFT. This entire wooded area was too damn big! Paths winding on each other, I had no idea where they could have gone!

Eventually I managed to find someone, but not whomst I was expecting. But then, who would ever be able to expect three brightly dressed princesses all huddled together behind a log with binoculars on?

“Where is she?!” asked the one in yellow, impatiently.

“I know she works out down here! Just wait!” huffed the one in pink.

The light blue one placed her binoculars down, sounding rather conflicted, “Um, maybe we should leave her be today?”

“Shush, Rosie. We all know you just use your space vision to perv on the trainer from any distance.” said yellow.

“Mmhmm. You're probably the biggest perv for our lovely trainer, aren't you?” agreed pink.

“I-I don’t! I-I'm not!”

“Uh, hey gals,” I said on the approach. Trying not to disrupt their 'fun' too much, but seriously feeling like I needed help. It was then that I suddenly recognized them from a certain kart game that Futaba loved to destroy me on, “Oh hey, I actually know you three!”

“Shush! We’re looking out for the trainer!” growled Peach.

“Yeah! Buzz off!” agreed Daisy, neither of which turning around to actually look at me.

Only Rosalina did, her single eye widening at the sight of me as another electric ZING! rang through the air. Her beautiful mouth hung slightly open as she left the safety of the log to float elegantly towards me. Smiling like a... wow. She's so tall. They really don't do her majestic majesty justice on my tiny television back home. The air feels like it got lighter just being near her, like she's emanating some sort of cosmic milfy radiance.

“I’m sorry about those two,” said Rosalina, shifting a few hair strands back from her one visible eye, “Are you new here?”

“Y-yeah…” I said, unable to stop my mind from splurging out horniness: 'Giant woman. Giant soft mother looking woman. Holy fuck she’s so tall. And cute, but in a sexy way, but so tall, bruuuhhh.' “Hi Ren. Amamiya. Ren Amamiya. Hi.”

“Hi,” she said with a soft smile back at me, “My name is Rosalina. Have you been settling in alright, Ren Amamiya?”

I gulped. That penguin has ruined me.

How am I supposed to just sit back and meet this new nice, kind, radiant woman when all I could think about was her potentially wanting to have sex with me?! I'm not some JRPG guy who can see the stat list of how much Rosalina wants to bone me, in normal circumstances she just wouldn't want to bone the boy she just met... but I can't stop thinking about the Olympic Village! Was I shooting myself in the foot by not flirting with her?! Gah!

“Pretty much. Only met a few people since getting here. I just flew in last night… and boy are my arms tired, ha…” Oh boy, now the giant woman was giving me a pity laugh from my lame flirting. I've never felt so shirtless before in all my life. “H-haven’t seen much of the place though, maybe I could get a tour at some point?”

The way she smiled at me did renew my hope I hadn't fucked this just a little, “Of course! I’d be happy to. One of the joys of this pocket universe is meeting such interesting people and hearing their stories. It reminds me of my little lumas all explaining the adventures they wish to go on before bed time."

“Well, thank you," I smiled up at the star mother. “I’d offer to return the favour, but all I know is my room so far. Like, would you like a tour of my bed? Kidding of-”

Wow.

Okay, this might be real.

Rosalina's face blushed so quick and hard it was like someone had just thrown a tomato at her. Unable to look me back in the eye, shuffling around while she floated as if she wanted it but was too embarrassed to say yes. I couldn't believe my luck that just a few minutes of meeting an insanely beautiful woman had turned out so amazingly for me that I could invite her to a tour of my bed and she was into it!

“Y-you want it?” I asked, making sure I read this right.

She gulped, rubbing her arms gently with her hand, flicking a glance back at her fellow princesses before looking back at me, “A-a private tour?”

“Yeah… yeah it can be private…” I nodded slowly. Taking a brave step towards into the sexual tension we were both feeling between us. She didn't retreat back, instead floating back down to the ground to bridge the rest of the gap. My boldness grew as I reached out and placed a hand on her hip, only growing when she did not recoil from the touch. My throat felt dry as my mind flooded with images of this busty blonde goddess 'touring' my bed, “C-could take hours…”

“...I can spare some time.” she said with a husky lust dripping voice.

The gang was never gonna believe this.

“Are you busy now? I could probably-”

And just like that, the good times were gone.

Rosalina's shoulders slumped, her body floating just out of my grasp with a slight whimper to her bottom left. “Very unfortunately... yes, I am busy.” she said quietly, like she hated that she knew it had to end so soon. Turning back to her fellow royalty to say, “Remember you two? We promised to go to Luigi’s book reading.”

“Ugh, right.” said Peach as the two stood up from their log.

Daisy clicked her tongue in annoyance, “Why did he have to schedule that during our trainer watching time?”

“Men. Never know how good they could have-” just as the two turned from each other to towards Rosalina, they both locked eyes with me instead. ZING! ZING! rang out yet again, with both princesses suddenly seeming a lot more friendly. “Oh! Hello there!”

“Rosie! Why didn’t you tell us a cutie rocked up!” beamed the brunette, skipping forward merrily to offer a hand for me to shake, “Hi, I’m Daisy!”

Next to her the blonde just gracefully curtseyed, “And my name is Peach.”

I smiled back at them, shaking Daisy's hand, “Ren Amamiya.”

Daisy looked confused, "'Ren Mamamiya'? You're not an Italian plumber too, are you?”

“It would explain his handsomeness,” said Peach with a coy smile.

“No no, it's Amamiya, and I'm a Phantom Thief,” I said, taking a few seconds to think of why they asked that and a mystery that's been plaguing my mind for many years. “Hang on, is Mario's last name Mamamiya?”

Daisy gave a somewhat aggravated frown, “Mmhmm, and before you ask; yes, we all always think it's super weird he says his last name when he's upset.”

“Luigi too,” said Peach before suddenly grabbing my arm to hug, “But enough about them. You say you're a Phantom Thief, Ren? I had a role like that in a play once. Of course, I didn't go around stealing the hearts of women by showing up without a shirt on.”

“Y-yeah...” I said with a nervous laugh, “You seem more of the Beauty Thief type.”

“Oh stop~” Peach giggled, lightly pushing on my chest in a playful manner before clearly letting her glove linger on my pec for too long.

“Hey! I saw him first!” Daisy barked, grabbing my other arm. “What's the coolest thing you've stolen, Renners? Bet a guy as cool as you has a huge collection of gold and jewels back at ya home base!”

I really wasn't expecting them to start possessively hugging me like this so quick. “Uhm, well apart from all the yen that shadows drop, not really. It's sort of hard to explain but we more steal desires rather than actual objects. If we take the right 'desire to do evil' from the right person they repent n stuff.”

“Incredible...” I heard Rosalina mumble under her breath.

“How noble! A Phantom Thief that saves others,” said Peach, still keeping her touchiness levels high as she rubbed her glove down my arm. "We'll have to get you to steal the desire to kidnap me from Bowser's heart.”

He does seem like the type the Phantom Thieves would target if we lived in the Mushroom Kingdom. “Hey, I've always meant to ask. Bowser has kids, so is there like a 'Bowsette' around as well?”

“Mm. She sucks," huffed Peach.

“Super annoying," agreed Daisy.

Rosalina exhaled, "I try not to judge others too harshly, but Bowsette does have a way of getting under our skin.”

“Speaking of getting under things," said Peach suggestively towards me, “We need to go to this book reading, but I'm sure you know how we're going to have fun afterwards, Ren?”

Wait, me? Geez, I don't know. If Olympics theory really is true, does that mean that 'Book Reading with Luigi' is some secret slang? Are Peach and Daisy gonna go suck him off together or-?

Oh, whoops. They're staring.

“Uhhh... do I know?”

“With that look I think you nailed it,” grinned Daisy, poking me a few times playfully. “You could still come join us, dude. Nothing against adding another meat slab to the menu.” she licked her plush lips suggestively. This was all going so fast. Was my first time really going to be a fivesome between three princesses and Luigi?!

My eyes went extra wide when I could feel her pokes start to edge lower and lower, “Uhm! I'm honoured, really, b-but I don't think I'm ready for something as big as a 'book reading' just after getting here! Maybe we can do something fun later?”

“I'll hold you to that," purred Peach, finally letting my arm go.

“Best be ready for us! After Luigi we're gunning for you, dude!" Daisy grinned, pointing both fingers at me while the three walked away down the path.

Rosalina lingered her look a little longer, giving almost a sad smile as she floated away, “I’m sure we’ll see you again soon, Ren Amamiya.”

“Yeah... hope so..." I said, feeling like I'd both fumbled that whole thing but incredibly happy about it at the same time.

I exhaled long and hard in the empty crossroads, sitting down on the log they'd all been hiding behind.

So, yeah. The Olympics theory is growing in power every second. No doubt in my mind that those three princesses were into me with how clearly flirtatious they were. I probably could have gotten Rosalina to come to my room if they weren’t busy with a 'Luigi Book Reading'. Crazy the kind of things that go on in a multiverse mansion. And if the penguin was right, a bunch of them want to have sex with me too! Oh man, did I land in nirvana? Maybe the fighting will suck to balance out the karmic scales for all the casual sex I apparently get to divulge in.

“Casual sex! Casual sex! Never go ranked with all this casual sex!” I got up from the log to start dancing my happy sex song.

I know I just turned down those three, but I feel like I need to start this journey with one woman rather than three plus Luigi. It's a big life step and there's also a chance that they're all shadows about to kill me for trying to have sex with them or something. Better to just find one girl, figure out if she wants to do me, then if she does start finding out about the others.

My eyes looked over the various paths of the crossroads. I think that way lead back to the mansion, with the other three going deeper into the forest. No one else seemed to be going this far out...

“I think they were talking about the trainer when I was walking up... is she around here somewhere?”

“Keep your feet together!”

I spun around to see that Wii Fit Trainer had found me almost immediately, pointing at my legs to make sure I didn't walk away. Lucina wasn’t with her, but she had clearly been waiting for me for a while as she stomped angrily towards me. “Yo, sorry, I ended up trailing behind. We cool?”

She sighed, frustrated but not really angry, “Work out at your own pace. Let’s work on your cardio together.” A polite way to say ‘you’re too slow’ I’m sure.

There was a beat as we just stood there. I assume she was waiting for me to suggest what kind of work out we should do, or was just staring at my chest again. I wouldn’t know as I was too busy staring at hers. The soft white melons with perfect shape bounced in place as she continued to shift back and forth on the balls of her feet. Forever taking the opportunity to stretch this trainer. My mind was just too busy thinking about the potential for casual sex with her, and how much she might have been wanting it all along too. Thinking back over all our dialogue to figure out the best way to broach the subject.

“Um, so…” I began, earning a slight eyebrow raise from her at my awkward tone. “Okay, so, please correct me if I’m wrong here, but I think I’ve been picking up a vibe. Between us. Did you wanna go somewhere privately and… ‘work on our cardio’ together? If you know what I’m suggesting?”

Her eyes widened, her face grew a dark grey blush, and she quickly looked around our surroundings. I initially took that to mean ‘what the hell, this guy’s a creep’, but was proven incredibly wrong when she grabbed my hand and started pulling me excitedly.

“L-let’s pick up the pace!”