Travis Touchdown

“Good evening, everyone. This week we are back with a follow up segment to the fantasy epic of Travis Salliv”

“Wait a minute, Marcie. When the fuck did we do this story?”

“Perhaps you do not remember, Gina. It has been quite a while after all. Over two years in fact. I was still using contractions back then.”

“TWO YEARS? Do you know how many fucking fantasy stories I was **** to suffer through in the last two years?”

“Well yes, but...”

“There was the **** Orc, sumo’s sissy santa, the dwarf fucker thief, the mind control thief, unkowns Donald and Goofy story (that did not have Donald and Goofy in it!),unkowns fucking genderbent steampunk which we had to read TWICE, the coming of cowguy, a follow up to engins forever tower. The wolverine dick which the author just NOW wrote an answer chapter for, discount genderbent harry potter, ALL THE HAREM HOTELS! Adventurers of thief slimegirl…Adventurers of thief which was not slime-girl AND the sissy elf story!”

“Ah...there, the mind control thief. That is the one. Although Travis is not really a rogue for more then the first chapter...”

“Told you I don’t remember shit, Marcie.”

“...lucky for you, an answer chapter has just been added. We have plenty of opportunities to reacquaint ourselves with this...work.”

“Bleeeerghhh…”

“Hmph, an appropriate reaction. Normally, answer chapters are properly deferential, conceding to all my points. Like this one we just received a day ago.”

“I’M NOT INTO WOLVES, YOU FUCK!”

“But every now and then an insolent fool questions my authority and expertise in the field of writing. These gnats must be squashed like the vermin they are lest they multiply. I intend to do just that with a flawless rebuttal.”

“Ugghh...do I have to be present for this?”

“Yes.”

REBUTTAL IN PROGRESS (BGM)

"Yeah, that's my second of all: Marcie, why do you think it's 'fake' tension? It's certainly real tension. It doesn't feel like that to you, but Travis and Aria were 100% affected by that."

“Let us start with this. Gina, why do I think this was fake tension?”

“I dunno, cause you’re a pretentious bitch?”

“The answer is astoundingly simple: What matters is not what the character feels, what matters is what I feel.”

“Refer to my last statement.”

“It goes without saying that the characters are going through a harrowing experience. But so does every other protagonist of a somewhat decent fantasy story. Gina, how many protagonists of the stories you listed went through a harrowing experience?”

“Fuck if I know. Three?”

“Disregard that. The skill an author must posses is to make the reader feel there are stakes. From a readers point of view there were no stakes to this penalty zone, thus it did not deserve to have so many chapters dedicated to it.”

“Good Lord, this will be a looong review.”

"Yeah, Marcie is really pulling that argument out of nowhere for once. It's not like that knowledge would've saved either of you much. Horror is horror, even if you know it'll end soon."

“Oh, this is just getting nonsensical now! I do not even feel to dignify this utter drivel with a rebuttal.”

“Splendid, can we...”

“Naturally knowing that the horror will end makes all the difference! We are talking endless horror vs temporary horror! To know there is a light at the end of the tunnel vs eternal darkness! If you need to keep morale up one is obviously preferable, you gormless troglodyte!”

“Haa….”

"It's called 'not being amazing at a language', you should try sometime."

“Hmph, just because your name is Rulebreaker does not mean you need to break the rules of writing too.”

“...”

"Aria doesn't ask questions? That's really rich, Marcie.

“That particular line was uttered by Gina. Do you want to take this, Gina?”

“No.”

“Gina, you will have to at least add something of value to this rebuttal.”

“Nope.”

“They are calling you an animal and an alcoholic beverage.”

“Yes and it makes me very livid, however that does get cancelled out by the pleasant feeling of somebody calling you out on your bullshit.”

"Yeah, Gin constantly emanates this aura of having a dildo just a smidge too short up her ass. I think it's cute, in a way."

“It is a candy bar, but I concur.”

“DON’T TELL THEM THAT!”

"Neither would I. I am simply saying, her immense sexual frustration is quite entertaining to watch. I could see her getting along with Sia. Or maybe Vivian, she'd put her in her place within 15 seconds."

“Coming from a bitch who’s name’s literally a sexual innuendo.”

"Marcie just made a big point about making filler content and whatnot, but neither she nor Gin even acknowledged Norbert's existence. That's the point. He was never mentioned because of what he represents. He's a person on the bring of suicide, grappling with severe ****, and willing to leave it behind with a literal stranger. He's a person broken to the point where he doesn't care if he lives another day or not. And what do you do to him? You helped him. And that's the hypocrisy. They say you're a slimy bastard, but literally nobody told you to help him. Leavalja literally told you that it risked you being exposed and killed. All of that, and neither of the girls acknowledge it. To me, this clearly shows that neither of them actually understand what the story is about (which, given the nature of the site the said story is on, I can't blame them for) despite making huge claims about you being an asshole and whatnot. One thing I will say is, I respect Marcie and Gin for at least not bashing him, but at least let us know there is someone like this who really lets us see the other, proper side of yours."

“Oh fuck the shit off, Rice! I only put your little boytoy at Rank 20 on my scumbag protagonist rating! The fuck you want from me?”

“See, Gina? Now you are getting into the swing of things.”

“Not as much as this cheeky cunt will be when I hang her from a flagpole. Prepare the last three letters of your name, Bumtrice. You’re going to need them.”

“And I will add that I personally never had any qualms with Travis moral compass. Personally, I think he behaves himself in a rather moral fashion.”

“Of course you would.”

“Basically, my issues with his actions are purely from an intellectual standpoint. But I digress...”

I really don't have the heart to tell you, Gin, but one of those sex scenes was actually removed recently.

“I’M GOING TO ENJOY BREAKING YOUR RULES, CUNT!”

“Alright, alright, Gina. You can bite her all you want after our segment, ok?”

“Fine. Are we done?”

“Yes.”

“Finally.”

“With the rebuttal that is. Time for the actual follow up.”

“FUCK!”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“We parted ways with this story just at the end of Part 1. That may sound fitting if Part 1 ended with Travis accomplishing anything of note, which of course, he did not.”

“Now I remember. The fuckwit needs to steal some stupid earrings for some bullshit quest, right?”

“Indeed, Gina, We complained quite a lot about it, but at least by now he made it to the city were the mansion containing the earrings is located. So, progress?”

“Yeah unlikely, because the very first chapter is just some nerd stat shit. Who the fuck cares about that? Virgin loser nerds, that’s who.”

“It does come with a very nice stat sheet, however. And, unlike some other inferior dregs that are not worth mentioning, the picture is even centered. Perhaps this author is not quite as incompetent as that answer chapter led me to believe.”

Travis smirked a little before lying down himself.

he smirked a little.

Travis smirked lightly.

he smirked lightly, forming an innocent expression.

“That’s the thing. I won’t scale it,” Travis smirked slightly.

He turned to Leaf with a tiny smirk.

“Holy fuck, can this fucker stop smirking for one god damn second? This is all in the first chapter!”

“Perhaps I spoke too soon.”

“The smirking apparently worked. Somehow. Travis is having sex with Leaf.”

Releasing her hold on his face, Leaf broke the kiss, letting him lean back. The two looked at each other for a few seconds before they clawed away at each other’s clothes. Within seconds, Leaf was already on her knees, blowing Travis’s shaft as he combed through her hair. After she did so for some time, she laid back on the bed, and Travis ate her out. Leaf moaned time and time again as the two kept going at it. Releasing her breasts from under her tunic, she kneaded her flesh in rhythm to Travis’ tongue licking her lower lips.

“The sex scenes in this story have a rather ho-hum feel to it. You know, the feeling that the writer does not really want to write porn, but since he is writing porn he has to include the odd sex scene here and there.”

“I take it over your fucked up fetishes, Marcie.”

“Anyways, after that it is time to go to bed. But after that it is finally time for the long awaited heist.”

“Which is some of the most anti climatic bullshit I ever read! I waited two fucking years for this, you Rice beating ass!”

“Travis enters the mansion and finds the coveted earring with relative ease. Given that this heist had a 30 chapter long build up, it is certainly fair to say that this was an astoundingly anti climatic affair.”

“Hell, the elf bitch has more excitement fighting some random girl, completely unrelated to all of this! And guess what? They don’t even fuck each other! Why aren’t they fucking each other, Marcie?”

“Clearly, completing this mission was too much excitement. So now we get to choose if we want to continue with an Interlude or an Sidestory.”

“I’m not reading any fucking sideshow shit. Let’s go with the Interlude. This better be good.”

“Well…”

“THIS IS JUST SOME OTHER RANDOM FUCK!”

“We mostly skipped over these in our first read, but every so often this story cuts to some other point of view. Travis competition in the Apostle, well, competition, if you will.”

the man chuckled lightly

Vergil chuckled lightly.

Vergil chuckled a little

“You have seen the smirking guy, now get ready for the chuckle fucker.”

“Now, I have given this story quite some flack, but this is a genuinely well written villain introduction scene.”

“I can feel it… the darkness… it’s in my veins… boiling! My heart cannot contain this excitement!” he laughed vividly, raising a hand into the sky and firing a few bolts of purple mana. “Hahaha…” he placed his right hand on his cheek and even covered a part of his eye as he turned to Gruhl again. “This look of hopelessness they have when they die. Ah, that will never get old.”

“This is what you call well written? What are you drinking, Marcie?”

“Gin.”

“This fucker’s just an edgelord!”

“Well, luckily for you, Gina We do not spend more then one chapter with the apostle of Edge. Now, we are back to Travis who has to travel all the way back to Silvana in order to deliver the earring.”

“Ugghhhh!!!”

'Things don't look too bad in terms of time. At least, they don't seem to.' he thought, glancing at the main road. 'By the 17th, I'll be back in Silvana. Within the Quear mountain range, Lodiz seems to be the closest at barely 100-something kilometers. Since I'll be traveling alone, I can make it in 2 days, once I put a few points in Endurance and Agility. Unless I have to do something like today, that is...' he snorted quietly at the thought. 'Haliz is only about 25 km from Lodiz, but the monster level in there will be much higher. 50, maybe 60, considering the elevation almost doubles. But I'll worry about that once I get to Lodiz. Planning is good, but objectives can change over time.'

“One thing the story really likes to do is give a sense of scale and distance. Not many stories bother with this. I can appreciate that. It makes me want to draw a map.”

“Marcie.”

“Of course, I will not.”

“Marcie.”

“Yes, Gina?”

“Why are you praising this?”

“I...merely offer my honest thoughts.”

“You bitched like crazy earlier!”

“Well yes, but I genuinely feel this story has improved considerably since our first read from two years ago.”

“Nah, pretty sure that’s just your taste that has degraded.”

“Nonsense.”

“Come on! This is just chapter after chapter of Travis gallivanting through the countryside while murdering defenseless animals for experience!”

“You exaggerate. The way back to Silvana goes much more smoothly. We also have to say goodbye to Leaf on the road.”

“The fucker totally stole our BGM setup.”

“Which I really like.”

“OH, FUCK OFF!”

“I mean not the BGM theft. But so many stories ignore the danger of character bloat. This one however is very conservative with its character allocation. Travis’s travel companions come and go as required. And while the cast itself is quite substantial, they do not overstay their welcome. It feels to me this author has a clear vision. Which is quite rare and...why are you looking at me like that, Gina?”

“Are you enjoying this, Marcie?”

“...somewhat.”

“No, not just somewhat. I know that expression. It’s the same you have when you gush about the shit wilparu writes, or Diss. You are really liking this!”

“A temporary feeling, I am sure. Let us continue reading.”

“Right. We are back to the teacher, to finally end this stupid quest. Now Travis decides to go train in the mountains like a hobo but trades the elf bitch in with another hoe. This is just the same thing over and over! Isn't there supposed to be a fucking God competition going on or something?"

“Speaking of, we switch back to the Gods for, well, another sex scene basically.”

“IS THIS A FUCKING MILKING SCENE?”

“Indeed. Such a shame wrynn will not be able to enjoy it after his reeducation.”

"Alright..." The red-haired elf repeated her motion, this time much slower, taking care to press every millimeter of the tit-flesh diligently, working her way up to the nipple. Instantly, she noticed how what started as a few small drops quickly became a small yet steady stream of milk, shooting from the bulge and into the bowl.

“This...does n-nothing for meeee….”

“Huh, it appears your hatred for this story did indeed prevent you from masturbating. Good job, Gina.”

“F-Fuck off...”

“It is certainly the closest I came personally. Humiliation is dreadfully underrepresented in this story. But I am not too hot on the whole milking aspect.”

“Grrr…”

“heh, meedrow? More like moocow, am I right?”

“How about meedrown you if you don’t fucking stop.”

“You already made that joke last time, Gina.”

“That was two years ago!”

“Back to our Hero then. Travis receives a new skill and does what he does best with it.”

A squeal of pain was everything the animal emanated as it turned around, intending to run away. It seemed that this duel was already in the man's pocket. But he didn't even think of letting the boar escape. '<Sprint>.' He commanded the mana inside his body, and he was already next to the animal, aiming a strong downward strike at its skull.

“Murdering defenseless animals.”

“But the next animals are not quite as defenseless. For a quest Travis needs to convince his companion Violet that he is in fact an apostle chosen by the Gods.”

“And this fucker, get this, decides the best course of action is to take her to the penalty zone because oh it only traumatized the last girl to the point that she needed hypnotic brainwashing, so why not take a stroll through it again!”

“Proving my point made in the rebuttal about the non threatening aspect of the zone. I love being always right.”

“Then Violet, being only one step behind Travis in autism decides to tell him the truth about his dead sister, just minutes before they engage in a life and **** battle.”

“It does work to Travis advantage though, as the sheer rages allows him to easily dispatch the ratmonsters.”

“The two morons keep sharing one braincell as they decide to then also go on for the optional boss monster. Because what could possibly go wrong?”

“A lot. A lot goes wrong. They do however emerge victorious. And I must say, this penalty zone was much better paced then the first one. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.”

“They were fighting giant rats, Marcie.”

“Yes, but fast paced giant rats. And the boss rat would live rent free in Travis head for the remainder of the chapters. Good stuff. At any rats, this marks the end of Part 2.”

“Does that mean we are done?”

“Well, we only read 23 chapters, Gina.”

“Marcie, these chapters are long as fuck! And we are on page fucking 13!”

“Perhaps. But I enjoy this so we continue.”

“I KNEW IT!”

“We resume our journey into mountains, were Travis continues his grinding session, has a close call with a vampire before finally parting ways with Violet.”

“WHAT THE FUCK, MARCIE!”

“What is it now, Gina?”

“Don’t just skip over Isolde like that!”

“You told me I should hurry up.”

“Yeah! But she’s like the only good part in this shitshow! I like vampires.”

“...since when?”

“Since forever! Or at least since we read Sarckle’s Halloween Story. Also, by the way, FUCK YOU SARCKLE!”

“Fine, Gina. What do you want to talk about Isolde?”

“THAT IT PISSES ME OFF THAT SHE’S NOT IN THE STORY MORE! INSTEAD...INSTEAD….”

“Instead?”

“TRAVIS MOVES BACK TO SILVANA. AGAIN!”

“Indeed. Certain complications happen which explaining would definitely be way beyond the scope of this review. When all is said and done it does make for a nice mini-arc. And Travis earned the title of apostle of justice at the end of it. Fancy. And rather confusing given that his class is Apostle of Tricks and Manipulation.”

“Guess what happens next, HE GOES BACK TO GRINDING AGAINST LOW LEVEL TRASH WITH HIS NEWEST GIRLFRIEND!”

“Well, Aria is his first girlfriend, not his newest.”

I’M GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND HERE! THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY YOU CAN DEFEND THIS TRASH, MARCIE!”

“You are correct, Gina.”

“FOR FUCKS SA...what?

“I agree with you. The pace is definitely too meandering at this stage.”

“You just sucked drow’s dick for this entire fucking review!”

“That is perplexing to me too, Gina. The author does a lot of things right when it comes to build up. In terms of plot hooks we have an ancient vampire, a secret cult, a pope going on a holy crusade and whatever is going on with Travis sister. Exciting stuff all around. And yet, what are we focusing on? Dungeon crawling. Multiple chapters of Travis grinding in dungeons.”

“And he keeps murdering innocent monsters! What did that Basilisk ever do to you?”

“Since I am pretty intelligent I have of course discerned that Travis callous disregard for monsters comes from a subconscious desire to avenge his sister. Even so, it makes for a rather ponderous read.”

“I bet he eat that Basilisk Egg too! Sick fuck.”

“Alright. Only four chapters left, Gina. Let us wrap this up.”

“More bullshit with Travis fighting some elf in a tower, then we spend time with some snake boy and hey, there’s Isolde! DID THEY JUST FUCKING KILL ISOLDE...OH WAIT SHE KILLS THEM! HA TAKE THAT, YOU FUCKS!”

“Gina...calm down.”

“How the fuck can I calm down when drow over here tosses away every opportunity at sex like hes the second coming of Allison?”

“Come on, he is not THAT bad.”

"He removed a sex scene, Marcie. What kind of demented psychopath removes a sex scenes from a porn story? Sumo may have had zero sex in his story but even he was not as deranged as actually removing stuff!"

"You know what. Fair point."

“Why didn’t snake boy tentacle **** the party that came after him with his vines? Why didn’t Isolde have hot lesbian vampire sex with the girl from the adventurer party? Why did Birdmask guy not assrape Chris? Everybody hates Chris! This shit writes itself! You fuck!”

“I am sure, meedrowh has his reasons. Character motivation, moral compass or some such flim-flam.”

“Ugh. What a fucking waste of time. There should be more Isolde in this. I wasn’t as disappointed as when Alexandra never continued her story about the shark-man.”

“Err...yes. So, this is a fairly unique case. While I really liked part 2, part 3 left a lot to be desired. After a decently strong first half, the second half was going on for way too long. I am not really sure how meedrow is dividing these parts either. It feels rather arbitrary.”

“Finally, you’re making sense, Marcie.”

“Hmm...How can I properly illustrate my point? Let us try this way. Please look at this map.”

“Oh, fuck me.”

“Chapter 40 through 81 took place entirely within this red circle. Do you comprehend how ludicrous that is?”

“I feel there were numerous better ways to illustrate your point, Marcie.”

“I disagree. Ultimately, this stories biggest issue is putting an absurd amount of focus on stuff that simply does not matter. Merge Part 2 and 3 together. Cut out 90% of the irrelevant grinding and you end up with an amazing part.”

“And put more Isoldesex in!”

Yes, well, we can only hope that meedrowh does remedy this glacial pace in Part 4.”

“Beatrice? More Like Beat Ice!”

“Thank you, Gina.”

“With pleasure, Marcie.”

“And with this I believe we can conclude this follow up.”

“Fucking finally. This was almost as much as a slog as this story.”

“My word, recently we certainly covered quite a lot of stories with pacing issues.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What a wretched affair of states. It drives me to drink.”

“Uhu.”

“….it is a good thing then that I have some Gin.”

“…”

“Right here.”

“ARGH!”