Too many times to count

“Motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker motherfu-”

“Will you give it a rest already, Ayame!?” Tanukichi grumbled quietly, interrupting the student VP as they sat next to each other in one of their college classes. “You’ve been calling me that now for over ten minutes now, and it’s starting to get old!”

“I-I know, but I just can’t help myself, you know?” Ayame said, wiping a tear away from her eye as she tried to stifle her laughter. “I mean, I’ve wanted to call people ‘motherfuckers’ my entire life, but this is the first time I’ve actually met someone who’s fucked their mom!”

“And I told you, I haven’t had sex with her!” Tanukichi grumbled.

“You mean, you haven’t had sex with her yet ,” Ayame countered. “But since you’re married to her now, that must mean you’ve already done the tongue tango at least once. And since you’re married, sex is just about inevitable since your wives always get first dibs on you.”

“No! Even if we are married, she’s still my mother, and I’m not going to let that happen,” Tanukichi insisted. “I might have crossed a lot of lines so far, but that is one rule that I refuse to violate!”

“Hey, if you’re worried about your kids being born with three arms or something, don’t be; there’s all sorts of amazing and expensive medical technology out there to prevent that kind of thing,” Ayame assured him. “And since you’re the most precious boy in all of Japan, I’m sure the doctors will spare no expense in making sure your little monsters are born flawless.”

“Augh, that’s not the point!” Tanukichi slammed his fist down onto his desk in frustration. “**** is wrong because it violates a sacred bond! Familial love is different from lustful love because it’s unconditional! So it’s wrong to pervert our pure feelings for something so vile.”

“Huh… I guess I never actually thought of it that way.” Ayame curiously rubbed her chin. “But doesn’t that mean, from that perspective, you’ve already committed a bunch of **** already?”

“What!?” Tankuichi gasped. “What in the world are you talking about?”

“Think about it; you’ve already fucked a bunch of girls by now, but you wouldn’t exactly call what you had with them ‘romance’, would you?” Ayame explained. “They only did that because they were expected to by society. You know, like how we’re expected by society to love our parents no matter what. And since you’re so much more powerful and know so much more about sex than they did, you could almost say its like you’ve been like you’re their daddy showing them the ropes~”

“Oh, stop that!” Tanukichi pushed Ayame lightly on the shoulder, making her laugh. “You know that real family love goes a lot deeper than that.”

“Yeah, of course,” Ayame replied. “Just like how you’ll go so much deeper when Ranko wraps her legs around you and turns you into a real motherfucker mothefucker motherfucker motherfucker-”

“Dammit…” Tanukichi groaned inside his head as Ayame continued to drone on. “Times like this make me wish I could just snap that pink phone of hers in half and end it all already.”

“Uh… excuse me,” a girl with short, black hair sitting in front of the duo quietly spoke up. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but… you keep using that word: ‘Motherfucker’. I’ve never heard anything like that before. What does it mean?”

“Oh? Well, that’s simple.” Ayame put her glasses back on and switched back into her ‘respectable’ mode. “The word ‘motherfucker’ is actually a special honorific, like ‘kun’ or ‘sama’, that is reserved for only the most revered men.”

“Really? Oh, that’s so neat!” The girl said, smiling. “I’ve never heard someone call anyone that before, so that must mean that Tanukichi is really, really revered!”

“Of course,” Ayame said as she quickly added ‘motherfucker’ to the list of acceptable words on her pink phone. “Unfortunately, the word was lost for a little while because it sounded so similar to a certain ‘dirty’ word, but thankfully Tanukichi remembered it because he comes from a long, proud line of motherfuckers.”

“Wow; so cool!” The girl’s eyes sparkled for a few moments before she bowed her head out of reverence. “I’m honored to have you as my classmate, Motherfucker Okuma.”

“Thanks so much,” Tanukichi replied, barely able to stop his face from contorting in annoyance as he replied. “It’s an honor to have you as a classmate too.”

“Oh, by the way, Mr. Okuma; I’m not sure if you remember, but I’m one of the girls that you promised to have sex with yesterday,” the dark-haired girl continued. “Do you think, once class is finished, you could give me my turn? Perhaps right here on my desk.”

“Augh… right, of course. I’ll do my best,” Tanukichi replied, feeling himself throb in his pants at the thought of fucking the girl so casually in public like this. It was clear that the effects of whatever **** Fuwa had given him were definitely still working. “I won’t have too much time to do you, though, because I have to go and start working on a new lesson plan for today.”

“Lesson plan?” Ayame adjusted her glasses. “This is the first time I’ve heard about this.”

“Yeah, uh… I forgot to tell you this earlier, what with all the… honorifics you were saying, but I was actually planning on teaching people how girls can have sex with other girls,” Tanukichi explained. “You know, since girl/girl love is such an important part of Japanese culture and history.”

“I see… well then, if this lesson is so important, then I’m afraid we should get working on it right away.” Ayame grabs Tanukichi by the hand and stands up. “Teacher! I’m afraid we have student-council business! That means we’re excused, no consequences, remember?”

“Of course,” their older, male teacher replied. “Good luck with whatever it is you two need to go do.”

“Aww… and here I was hoping to get pregnant today…” the girl in front of them whined.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance to have a kid with him soon enough,” Ayame reassured her as she walked to the exit with Tanukichi. “Until then, though, I suggest rewatching Tanukichi’s sex lesson over again a few times, just to help you get ready.”

“Yes, of course… get ready…” the girl repeated, blushing as the door closed behind Tanukichi.

A few minutes later and Ayame had sat Tanukichi down at an isolated desk in the corner of the library, where she took off her glasses with a smirk and sat down with her feet up on the table.

“So… what exactly was it that inspired you to make lesbianism, of all things, your next lesson?” Ayame asked, spinning her glasses on her fingers. “Are you feeling a little bit tired, and you thought you could get some extra help keeping your thirsty women ‘well hydrated’? Did you just want to see what it’s like for two flowers to cross-pollinate directly instead of just videos and magazines? Or, maybe you’ve already gotten so bored of vanilla sex that the only way you can raise your flag pole anymore is by watching two girls swap spit like bills at an exchange office!?”

“N-no, it wasn’t anything like that, honest! I’m actually trying to do something nice for once,” Tanukichi put up his hands defensively. “There’s nothing actually wrong or perverted about two girls liking each other, after all. But lesibans were still treated so badly by the morality police… it’s only right to let them start loving each other again, don’t you think?”

“Oh really?” Ayame cocked a playful eyebrow and sat back down normally in her chair. “If you’re really being selfless here, then how come your lesson plan only includes gay girls and not gay guys?”

“W-well, I, uh… just didn’t think about them is all,” Tanukichi said, blushing and looking away. “I’ll get to them… some other time.”

Ayame didn’t say anything, instead choosing to lean forward onto the desk, resk her chin in her hands, and give Tanukichi the dirtiest smirk he had ever seen.

“Okay, fine! You got me!” Tanukichi threw up his hands, blushing. “I didn’t want to teach it because the subject makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t really want to watch or describe two guys doing it. Plus, it’s not like I’d let myself do a visual demonstration…”

“Ha! You’ve got to be kidding me!” Ayame put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing too loudly. “You created a world where you can knock girls left and right in public, and build yourself a harem of NTR’d wives, and you can’t handle a little sword fighting between bros? So much for helping out the oppressed…”

“Augh… I hate it so much whenever you have a point!” Tanukichi groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Fine, we’ll include guy-on-guy with the lesson too. But we’ll tell them to do the sexy stuff in private, okay?”

“Sure; you’re the boss,” Ayame replied, her tone equal parts condescending and playful. “Now, to actually start planning the lesson. How do you think we should do this?”

Tanukichi thought for a few moments. “Well, as much as I’d hate to say it, we kind of set a precedent with doing a live presentation with volunteers before…"