Tom wants to rule the world, by Iam_DickMan and hotdilltook

“How to make the main character unsympathetic with one single line.”

“Well, I mean...”

“By naming him Tom!”

“Gina please.”

“I don’t want to read a porn story about my sick pervert of a brother!”

“I don’t think this is about your brother, Gina.”

“Well, who else is named Tom? What a stupid name. Reminds me of Tom and Jerry and my dumbass brother. Both things I hate.”

“That’s very nice, Gina but we have a story to review.”

“Ugh fine. So this is written by dickman again and some other guy who faceplanted on his keyboard.”

“Indeed we have once again a co-written story. Now, dickman was the one who submitted it but I have it on his authority that his partner consented to it.”

“Uhu, what if he is lying?”

“That would be most unfortunate, I would have to take this review down and emasculate him.”

“Sounds fun, so what’s this about? Beyond the usual pervert girls stuff.”

“This appears to be a story about small nanomachines infecting the whole planet and allowing an end user to make changes to every human.”

“So your basic device story.”

“Well..”

“Also, no idea which one of the dumb fucks wrote the tags but whoever did is incapable of spelling masturbation correctly.”

“This is off to a swell start. Lets start reading Tom wants to rule the world, by Iam_DickMan and hotdilltook.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

The moving had been pretty exhausting. He had a few friends helping him out. Alice, Jen, Sam and him had been the best of friends for years, ever since college. Jen had found Tom’s porn during the move, derailing them for about half the day. Sam started heckling him for his taste. “What the fuck is this neckbeard stuff? You’re going to have to throw that shit out if you ever want to get laid!”

“Let me go out on a limp here and say Tom is completely fucking his best friends over by the end of next chapter.”

“Before that, Gina. I think it is important that we address the way these chapters are distributed.”

“Ugh.”

The first three are from dickman, then the next three are written by hotd and finally dickman wrote the latest six chapters.”

“Ok, what’s the point of this useless information, Marcie?”

“What I am trying to convey is that hotd only added a mere 25% of content to this story and his chapters are also very eh, middle of the line. Most of our criticism will hence be addressed towards dickman.”

“There is only so much we can do, with your three crappy chapters, dude.”

“But anyways, the basic premise of this is that after a move to a new apartment, Tom gains access to planetary altering nanomachines and immediately makes use of them to change the world.”

“This fucker is worse then Arthur. At least Arthur hesitated a bit. Tom just goes all out.”

“I have to say, when the ultimate aim is to rule the world, this is a horrendously poor way of going about it. In fact this dethrones our reigning “worst attempt to take over the world” champion. (Contagion 63X, by Aroband)”

“Congrats, I guess.”

“Even explaining it brings me physical pain in its sheer idiocy. But in essence, Tom turns the entire female portion of humanity into four groups. Naturally these groups are all stereotypes that he finds erotic like Amazon and Bimbos.”

“Just as my brother, this goon has zero creativity.”

“Well, technically, there is a fifth group to deal with, the underage population. Frankly, I am amazed dickman even thought about it.”

“People underage will be sorted into a classification and undergo any physical changes when they turn 18 and until they turn 18 will have a bright circular mark placed on their forehead.”

“Wow, how did people manage to avoid dating kids before the glowing warning?”

“Tom does not care for the men, so they get only two classes.”

“Okay, on to the men.” He could at least get the next set of changes ready while he waited. “Men are going to be divided into two classes, Alphas and Fembois. Let’s make it so that there’s one Alpha per million fembois and set my designation to Alpha.

“Couldn’t the fucker just convert them to girls? What the hell is the appeal of fembois?”

“Gina, you used to bully Cutie. You know exactly what the appeal is.”

“Let me be very clear here, Marcie. I had zero sexual interest in Cutie. I bullied people only for bullyings sake! It’s not a sexual thing! Engin keeps trying to make me giving er a wedgie sexual either! Bunch of perverts!”

“Speaking of bullying, Amazon’s are also designed to bully femboys, who are naturally submissive. Meaning, Tom just screwed over almost the entire male population while creating a caste system without the proper foundation.”

“Eh, at least there are no dickgirls in Tom’s new world.”

Nobody in any main stream news outlet seemed to even know that anything was wrong. The anchor on channel 5 was looking especially fine today. Her bust perkier and… hmm. Is her makeup getting a bit more prominent? Ooh with any luck she’d fall into the bimbo class. He grinned imagining her stumbling her way through the news in a valley girl lilt, popping gum until she’s taken off the air.

“Does this incompetent buffoon even realize the extend of the apocalyptic damages he just unleashed upon humanity? This news anchor will still need a job. So will the 50% other humans who are suddenly incapable of doing their work! This will lead to the complete collapse of civilization!”

“For someone who wants to rule the world, Tom sure as shit ain’t doing much besides lazing around in his apartment.”

“It is most aggravating.”

Tom’s so called friends realize that everyone is slowly changing and they come to Tom to crash in his apartment. Because reasons.”

Most people had but to follow the official advice and keep going to work.

“YOU HAVE DUMBED DOWN A QUARTER OF THE WORKFORCE AND MADE ANOTHER FIFTY PERCENT INCAPABLE OF DOING ANY HARD LABOR! GOING TO WORK IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT YOU IMBECILIC, INDOLENT TROGLODYTE!”

“Marcie please!”

“I am calm. I am calm. So the group is at Tom’s house, including Sam, the only male one who happens to be a doctor. He of course gets turned into a femboy. You better not need to have a surgery or require immediate medical attention. And no, I do not think the “everyone will be perfectly healthy forever will account for stuff like traffic accidents, Tom! Because there will be a lot of that in the future!”

Sam wasn’t having a good time either. It seemed like every comment he made was met with a sharp word or an interrupting non sequitur from Jen. She was mean, bordering on cruel and nasty, only stopping when Tom told her to cut it out.

“Yeah! Fuck Sam that piece of shit. That’s what he get for being friends with Tom!”

“Luckily, we are almost done. Obviously the females are all lusting over Tom, but surprisingly there has yet to have been any sexual activity.”

“Gotta say, bit weird to submit your story when there hasn’t even been a single sex scene in it, dickman. Not that I am complaining. Imaging Tom having sex makes me lose my appetite.”

“Well, Gina, what are your overall impression on the story?”

“Meh.”

“Really.”

“Nothing really happened as of yet. Tom and his group just laze around in the appartment and wait for stuff happening. The concept with the four groups is pretty lame but whatever.”

“It could be interesting if dickman deigned to explore the catastrophic effects of his foolish actions. But we both know that will not happen.”

“Main lesson: Don’t write a story with a main character named Tom. It’s gonna suck.”