To War

Gil froze when he returned to his tent to find Nimue standing over Rose, a bottle resting upon Rose’s lips and a hand poised over her nose. A raven in the corner of the tent squawked as Gil entered, and Nimue looked up to meet Gil’s eyes with that same unreadably placid expression as always.

“Sir Gil.” She said quietly. “Do not move without permission, or I will pour the contents of this bottle down your wife’s throat.”

“What are you doing?” Gil asked, calmly meeting her gaze.

“I am threatening you.” Nimue said dully, “You will release your hold upon me, or I will curdle all love your lady holds in her heart towards you into utter contempt.”

A cold grip settled around Gil’s heart. She could do that, he was fairly sure. Rose might not be madly in love with him, but they had grown close enough for the threat to be deadly serious.

“Why?” He asked, trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong.

“You have been false.” Nimue said, “I asked that you strike down my foe. You have sequestered him away instead. I have provided you with aid, and you would deny my offer and spirit me away. Had my mentor not aided me unknown, you would have already defiled my body. You have the span of one hundred heartbeats to release your hold.”

“Can I use my tablet?” Gil asked, “I need it if I’m going to do what you say.”

The raven sitting in the corner squawked again, and Nimue nodded. Gil glanced at the bird, realizing it was more important than he’d initially thought, and saw that it had a small glowing green marble clutched in its talons. The fire materia.

“Merlin says you speak true.” She said, “I am told you shall return that which you have stolen by means of your sorcery, so I have decided to accept a lesser prize than that which I first demanded. Do not think to cheat me again, for though I may forget you I have another to take my part.”

Gil slowly, carefully retrieved his tablet and brought up Nimue’s character sheet. He thought of several potential workarounds, from using the Tattoo of Power to make her a tsundere unlikely to follow through to shooting a bolt of lightning at her. He even considered going to the bazaar and selling her off there, just to spite her. None of his ideas were risks worth taking with a metaphorical gun to Rose’s head, a precognitive sorcerer in the room, and a whole camp full of literal white knights all around him. He just did as commanded and sold Nimue on the Amnesia setting.

T5 Nimue - 10 Credits, Tantric Art Talisman (basic binding), Potion of Eternal Love

The blonde woman vanished back to her home near Camelot, thankfully taking that horrid potion with her. The crow, probably either Merlin or some familiar, let out a short staccato laugh and pushed his way out of the tent before Gil could gather himself. Rose’s eyes immediately shot open as the spell upon her lifted. She stared at Gil with wide eyes. Given her wandering soul, he was fairly sure she’d been watching the whole exchange as a spirit, helpless to interfere with the two enchanters' strong wills.

“Would… would that have worked?” She asked in horror.

“Not necessarily the way she thought it would.” Gil said, collapsing next to Rose on the bedroll. “But enough that I didn’t want to risk it. Primarily mental effects, especially caused internally to the retinue, tend to stick around. I’d have needed to kill you to invoke a hard reset. I’d have done it, but there’s a pretty good chance you wouldn’t have let me. I don’t know if I could kill you without your cooperation, frankly.”

“I… see.” Rose said, hugging her knees.

“I’d have probably reversed it somehow eventually, but it would have always been artificial.” Gil said. “If it was a choice between you irrationally hating me and you slavishly eating out of my hand, I’d choose the latter, but I’d prefer the base model. Authentic friendship can be hard to come by in this line of work.”

Rose gave him a weak smile.

“I suppose the fact you need me for tomorrow didn’t factor into it at all?” She asked sarcastically. “The big score would be a fair bit harder without me.”

“Huh?” Gil said, “Oh yeah, I guess so. I didn’t really need to get to that level of analysis before making the decision, though.”

“Oh.”

Rose leaned against him, and they just sat quietly together for a time.

“I don’t think I’d mind loving you.” She eventually said. “Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t particularly want to sleep with you. If you changed that, though… well, let’s just say I won’t be offended. It’ll make producing heirs easier, at least.”

“Are you telling me you want me to make you thirst for dick?” Gil asked, incredulous.

“No, I’m acknowledging that you obviously want to, and letting you know that if you do it… eh, surgically? You have my permission.” She said, “Just that, though. If you want the authentic me so badly, I’m sure you’ll be careful in any event.”

Gil laughed, the tension escaping at the absurdity of her statement.

“Yeah, you are catching on quick.” He said. “Honestly, I’d probably stick to bisexuality in any event. If I could do whatever I wanted, I’d make myself the only exception.”

Rose punched him on the shoulder.

“What a man.” She said, “You just don’t want any more competition than you already have.”

“Exactly.” Gil said, not a trace of shame in his voice. “I professionally test mostly adolescent power fantasies. Obviously I want a wife that has zero interest in other men and is down for routine threesomes. Keep up, Rose.”

She snorted, and kissed him on the cheek.

“Speaking of which, how’d the meeting with Lucan go?”

“Pretty well. He gave me permission to keep Nimue.” Gil said sarcastically. “More importantly, we get to keep Hellawes and Balin. Everything’s set for tomorrow, too.”

“Hey, Hellawes is the next best thing after Nimue, right?” Rose said, “And I’m pretty sure you won’t need to sell Balin immediately. We have enough knights for tomorrow and that skull thing isn’t exactly impressive.”

“Yeah, a cursed skull that kills literally everything is a bit niche.” Gil agreed. “I don’t really know who this minsc guy is, but he’s a T4. Probably a step down from Balin as is. Besides, if Merlin is here and feels like meddling, he’s probably up to assist during the battle at least a little bit.

As Gil spoke, he still took out the Johanna Stiegler card and applied it to Balin. Gender flip and appearance change only. Johanna was pretty enough but she didn’t really have much in the way of skills useful to Gil. Better to use her face for Balin and pass it off as a side effect of the resurrection than to wait around for some perfect opportunity that would likely never come.

••••••••••

The very next day, Gil stood back while King Arthur’s men encircled the castle of King Anguish. He was pleased to see that the number of people in Kusai’s retinue hadn’t expanded. It seemed like the inherent virtue based magic resistance people in this world seemed to have was holding out against Kusai’s lures, for now. He was equally glad to see that the number hadn’t diminished. There was at least a small chance to get those girls back through negotiations or as part of Lucan’s ante right up until the moment Kusai sold them to the shop.

He and his team were ready to go at any moment, fully expecting Kusai to make his move and make a surgical strike against Lucan while they were still setting up. It was the reasonable thing to do if you had several days of advance warning; it was absolutely what Gil would have done. Finish the bout on a high note, take a chance, and as likely as not finish off the enemy Player who was after all, just a man with a very impressive sword.

Gil was not at all willing to extend Kusai the courtesy of assuming he was doing something clever, especially since Rose was able to report that when she possessed Aurora Kusai was in the middle of fucking someone. Lancelot’s mother, apparently, so at least he hadn’t been stupid enough to disable one of his combatants again.

Gil was starting to think he might have missed a drawback in Kusai’s build. Horny was a relatively minor drawback that multiplied the player’s libido. A lot of people seemed to treat it like free points, but it was an insidiously distracting sort of drawback and a lot worse if you already tended to think with your dick. It could functionally disable someone if they took the upgraded version, currently titled Gooner, making it impossible for them to go more than an hour or two without near obsessive fixation.

Gil checked his gear and troop positions. Rose lay unconscious next to one of the few remaining bandits in Lucan’s retinue, who was holding onto the Shiho card from Gil’s pack. He had strict instructions to not do anything at all with it, but as long as he had it he could theoretically resurrect Lucan as a teenaged Asian volleyball girl. That possibility existing within Lucan’s retinue meant that if he fell in battle, then a 24 hour timer would start instead of Kusai winning instantly. It would still be bad, but not an instant loss. The fact that there was essentially zero chance of the card actually being used didn’t change the presence of the timer.

That was very important, because Lucan was going to be leading the charge consisting of all current retinue members not otherwise assigned to more specific jobs. Lucan, six bandits, Echidna with the Bunny Armor and Astral Sword, and a very nervous Hellawes equipped with blizzard materia and riding on Bayard’s back. Not the most elite of squads, but likely enough to serve as the spearhead. Especially given how many knights insisted on throwing themselves into battle alongside them. Mostly big shots.

Tristan was apparently engaged in some kind of open secret affair with Isolde, Iseult’s daughter, and had at least a few dead dragons in his resume. Gawain fully intended to knock some sense into his sister Clarissant, and Gil didn’t have the heart to tell him she was already recognized as Kusai’s property. Some guy named Perceval was here to save Blanchfleur, who he was sort of engaged with. Kusai had apparently fucked Lancelot’s mom, though she wasn’t captured yet, and a duo by the name of Gaheris and Gareth were here for their own not-yet-captured betrothed.

In other words, Kusai had flown around kidnapping the love interests and relatives of a bunch of leading men in a genre where dragon slaying constitutes a filler arc, and the only ones who hadn’t shown up to kick his ass were the ones he’d already killed. Arthur himself, being the king and a bit more level headed, was staying back. Frankly, this level of turnout was the only thing that would get Gil to seriously consider trading all of these girls back to Lucan instead of taking one of Kusai’s big shot’s as his prize when the ante came up.

Once the encirclement started, the plan was to build some siege equipment and knock down the walls unless the coward came out to show himself. Going inside was too big of a risk to do casually, especially with Rosa still in play.

Gil, on the other hand, had been prepped for something even more important: sniping a single member of Kusai’s team using the For Her Hand glove to force a duel that no one could interfere with. Lucan had asked that the Knights of the Round Table loan their visitor some magical items in their possession that would give him an edge. Culhwch had heard about it, and apparently proceeded to flex his networking muscles and grab a few more.

As such, Gil had been loaded down with magic items from the various knights, all on loan. Gawain had given him a lacy green ribbon that apparently blunted lethal blows. Lancelot had offered up a magic ring that could shatter hostile enchantments. The other knights had given him rings that did everything from instantly stoping his wounds from bleeding to creating a vague protective field.

This was on top of the magic items he’d brought for himself, like the Champion Belt that put him in peak physical form, his bracer full of materia, and his Magic Ring that would hopefully let him cast a few more spells than he otherwise could.

Finally, King Arthur had lent him a pair of holy armaments. First, a kite shield bearing the image of someone named Mary that Gil pretended to recognize. He gathered from context clues that she was some kind of virginal demigoddess that would lend him protection, and really that’s all he needed to know. Second, and with every bit as much reverence, King Arthur allowed Gil to borrow Ron.

Ron was a spear. A very good spear with a broad head and excellent grip. Everyone else in the room looked at Ron like it was some kind of legendary artifact, and when Gil surreptitiously asked Lucan what was up with Ron, he was informed that Ron was one of the three legendary weapons King Arthur had used to conquer all of Britain, along with Excalibur and his dagger Carnwennan.

Gil would have liked a bit more information about its capabilities, but apparently it didn’t have any of those. Ron was just a really good spear.

Gil stood near the now-wrecked Red Wings, rocking back and forth in the light rain. He was pretty far back from the rest of the front line, but he could still see everything. He was trying to relax and stay loose, however, so he appreciated the sound of the hunting horn announcing that Kusai’s squad had exited the castle. He craned his neck until he could see Kusai directly, if indistinctly, through the rain.

“Alright, Ron, let’s see what you can do.” Gil said, then held the white leather glove aloft.

“Shuuzou Kusai!” He yelled, “I challenge you to a duel for the hand of Lady Rosa Farrell. Face me yourself or send your champion! Let none interfere with this sacred contest!”

Nothing happened for a few seconds, and then Gil heard Kusai’s unpleasant rasp.

“Go kill that guy, ok?” He said. “Fuck this, I’ll wait till you finish up.”

A grin spread across Gil’s face as Rosa was teleported to a point roughly thirty paces from himself, at the other end of the ship. Just as planned. He immediately triggered the magic in his Seal of Mercy.

Seal of Mercy: Can be used once to convince any individual or group to spare you. They will decide that your death or severe injury is an undesirable outcome at this time. They will not become friendly to you, barring unusual circumstances, but they will not seek to harm you unless further provoked. If they have a personal stake in your destruction, such as vengeance, they will decide to shift to nonlethal options for at least a few days.

He couldn’t beat her in a fair fight, that was almost certain. However, Rosa was about to rationalize some reason that she wanted to force him to yield instead of merely killing him.

The next hour or so was likely to really, really suck, but all Gil needed to do was hold out.

“Alright, guys, time for you to do your part.”

••••••••••

In an office both very close and worlds away, a man named Dwight received a notification on his tablet. One of his problem children was involved in a PVP bout, and had, it seemed, just wagered one of his most powerful assets on a duel. That seemed… unusual.

As it turned out, the duel was forced upon him without any kind of ante on the challenger’s part. Items like that were premium assets, the kind of thing whales were supposed to toss around in high ranked ladder play, and even then they tended to be heavily restricted since the customer on the receiving end tended to hate the asymmetric nature of the duel.

Dwight groaned. What the hell was that upstart thinking giving an item like that to a company employee? This might turn into a problem.