There’s a stain on my notebook where your coffee cup was.

“Seriously? A Chupacabra?”

We were sitting at Red and Cheri’s dining room table with cups of steaming Earl Grey. “Go ahead and look in the trunk if you don’t believe me.”

Cheri cackled and took a sip of her mug. Meanwhile, Red hadn’t left my side since we’d woken them up. “You folks certainly earn your premium. Best money we’ve ever spent.”

Red was sniffing me again. It was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. Ok. It was downright fucking weird. It didn’t help that I had a very confused boner associated with her after the dream earlier. What really freaked me out was when I finally started focusing in on the town gossip that Cheri and Anwyn were bantering back and forth. That’s when I made the mistake of taking my eyes off Red.

She licked me. Like my ear. I mean it wasn’t particularly unpleasant, but it’s always kinda freaky when something like that comes as a surprise. I whipped my head around and caught her blushing and having the good grace to lower her eyes. When she did look up and find me still gazing at her, her lips curled into a mischievous smile. “Mr. Donne? Can you help me with something in the kitchen?”

I looked to Anwyn for help and she just kind of half heartedly nodded at me. Clearly she wasn’t concerned, and even if she is a badass, she was also far more knowledgeable about such things at the time, so if she thought this was safe then who was I to argue. “Um… sure.”

She closed the kitchen door behind me and I was very much aware of the heat coming off her body as she leaned in close to me. “So… Anwyn… are you and she like… an item?”

“That’s a little personal isn’t it, Ms. Hood?” I was at this point struggling to keep my professional demeanor. Either she was hitting on me, or deciding whether or not it was worth the trouble to eat me. I honestly wasn’t sure which.

“I’m sorry… you just smell so good! I’m an idiot! Stupid Red. Bad girl.” And that’s when she started crying.

Ladies, please always remember, tears are ****, horribly unfair, and will honestly get you everywhere.

(Title: “Black Coffee In Bed” by Squeeze)