The world's most annoying rescue

Jean and Emma stood, confused and angry. They had no idea what Wade was talking about -- which wasn't unusual -- but they were so close to successfully seducing the gorgeous Black Widow! What could that obnoxious jackass want with her?

Meanwhile, Natasha and Wade had reappeared a short distance from the campus. "I... I owe you one, Wilson," Natasha grumbled, half grateful and half disappointed. Ultimately though, she knew this was for the best.

"Yeah, thank Fury for that. He had a feeling you might not be able to resist the lure of a hot naked lesbian threesome with two of the sexiest superheroines in the universe and goddammit now I'm really pissed at myself for getting you out of there when I could have watched," Wade began to ramble.

"So... why do I have to deal with you?" Natasha asked. "Why didn't they send someone else?"

"Funny story -- The guys sent me to help you out. They told me that nobody would believe me if I tried to recruit them. Stark says -- and I quote -- 'We realized that with all the ridiculous bullshit you spout, you're an awful headhunter.' I suggested wearing a cheerleader outfit and practicing dance routines instead, but they said this would be a more effective way of contributing to the team, so here I am."

"So I can't orgasm, and now I have Wade fucking Wilson babysitting me... This is the worst mission I've ever been on," Natasha grumbled.

"Heyyyyyyy, I'm not *that* bad! Besides, I can provide a distraction when you get too horny," Wade pointed out.

"That's... a surprisingly good point," admitted Natasha. "You could be useful in getting me out of more... difficult situations."

"See? This'll be fun! Picture it -- Natasha Romanov and Wade Wilson, the world's greatest buddy action comedy duo! We'll sell the stories of our adventures to Hollywood. Think of the box office numbers!"

Natasha sighed in frustration. She'd nearly been seduced into assimilation -- there was no way she was going to be able to walk through the front door of the Grey-Frost dorms and simply talk to Rogue, and if Jean and Emma detected her presence on the campus grounds, they'd certainly find her, and she knew she wouldn't be able to resist. Furthermore, they'd likely be prepared for Deadpool this time.

There was also the possibility that Rogue's mind had already conformed to this new reality. The Rogue Natasha had known wasn't able to touch other people without draining their life ****, but with reality changing, there was always the possibility that had changed as well, Natasha thought. And on a campus full of beautiful women in this world, there was little to no chance that Rogue hadn't had sex. Natasha needed a Plan B.

Dreading his response, Natasha turned to Wade, who had continued rambling on and on.

"...our own breakfast cereal! Milkpool? Black Wid-O's? I dunno, I'm just spitballing here. You got any names, Nat? There are no bad ideas!"

"Wade, shut up and listen to me for a moment..."

"OK, I was wrong. That's a terrible name for cereal. Are you even taking this seriously?"

"Damn it. I should walk back into Jean and Emma's office and let them have their way with me..." Natasha muttered under her breath. "Wade! Do you have any idea about others who might be able to help us?"

"OK, I suppose we can table the merchandising ideas for now. Let me think... who out there can help us? Someone who's either a dude or a woman who's not a lesbian nymphomaniac yet... Taskmaster! I saw him in town the other day. He's probably looking for work."

"*sigh* Fine... let's go find him..."

"Sounds like a plan! You know, I'm really glad we could stay friends, even after the divorce. Onward, noble ex-wife!"

Ex-Wife? What the hell is he talking about? Natasha wondered. Rather than ask and have to deal with Wade's no doubt incoherent, annoying response, Natasha decided to bite her tongue and begin searching for Taskmaster.