The thirty melon challenge

“Oh fuuuuuuuuuuck, wrynn turned into one of these. I hate these guys the most!”

“These?”

“A regular.”

“Some people are like that, Gina.”

“Yeah, masochists!”

“You know what? Today, I am not in a large preamble mood. How about we dive right in for a change?”

“Yeah, I would. If I could find the fucking next chapter in this huge ass storymap.”

“It is rather obnoxious true, but that is of no fault of wrynn. We should really start to bookmark these stories...ah there it is.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Well, what a fucking surprise, it’s more of the fucking same!”

“I..uh...honestly am worried that we might not have enough content here for a proper follow up.”

Alkadabuki was in for one hell of a surprise.

“Yeah, too bad we readers don’t get surprised after you pulled of the same lure them into your lair strategy ten dozen times!”

“It does get rather tiresome. These extremely powerful champions just walk into Asmodeus lair were he then swiftly proceeds to subdue them. There is not a sliver of tension in these chapters and so all that really happens is for the already absurdly bloated cast to become even more bloated. Both figuratively and literally.”

“Wrynn is still going strong with his pregnant fetish and there is some stuff with Hornets and Vampires, but who the fuck cares? It’s all the same shit.”

“Eventually, Asmodeus is to confront the Demon King herself. Will she prove a bigger challenge?”

“GUESS!”

The capture of Reala was stupidly anticlimactic.

“OF COURSE IT WAS!”

“And with that, there is only one champion left to defy Asmodeus. Tomoko, the strongest of them all.”

“Geez, I wonder what happens. I am on the edge of my seat, Marcie.”

“To be fair, Asmoddeus does something slightly more...elaborate.”

“Oh, piss off. You would think that at this point this sissy ass would finally stop hiding around and go for a large offensive, right? But that would be actually interesting. We can’t have anything interesting happen so instead he manipulates the human nations into fighting each other like the sneaky bitch he is.”

What would a bunch of expansionist racist assholes do if they suddenly thought they were being attacked from all sides?

“I suggest reading “The saga of Tanya the Evil” to find out the answer to that question. Especially since it is from the POV of those assholes. A very intriguing read.”

“Yeah well, we don’t get the answer to that because Asmobitch’s plan goes off perfectly. Like everything else he does. Tomoko has a mental crisis about everyone murdering each other and Asmodeus easily makes her his ****. Whoop di fucking doo.”

“For the average reader, it may appear that we are oversimplifying and skipping a lot but there is only so many times we can say that Asmodeus wins effortlessly before the joke has run its course. And let me be very clear here, we are not exaggerating how effortlessly Asmodeus cruises through this story. You know the saying no plan survives contact with the enemy? In this story no enemy survives contact with the plan.”

“So, Asmobitch has beaten everyone else, except the Goddess who got him into this shit in the first place.”

“Which he is surprisingly fine with not challenging. This is the biggest, and some may say only, surprise in the entire story.”

“And then the story is fucking over! Like no victory party or any sort of celebration beyond the most basic acknowledgment. They don’t even have a huge victory orgy with everyone!”

“There is a small epilogue in which the empire is defeated but there is really no grandeur to it or anything. It is a bit like...hmm...imagine beating a very easy videogame, like Yoshi’s Story. This is the Yoshi’s Story of porn stories, except of course if you do the thirty melon challenge. Wrynn did not do the thirty melon challenge.”

“You know what, Marcie?”

“Yes, Gina?”

“NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!”

“Well, that was rather rude. Yoshi’s story might not be the most well regarded title in the franchise, but it has it’s charms.”

“Shut up. I don’t give a shit. But you know who also didn’t give a shit? Wrynn. I swear this fucker lost interest halfway through this story and was just phoning it in from there.”

“That...might be a fair assessment. At least for this follow up, this story was really just going through the motions in the most quick and dull way possible. Even the sex scenes were pretty much reduced to this:”

Well this was a twist I did not see coming but certainly wasn't going to turn down. So I set Tomoko aside and lifted Melanoche's borrowed body by her waist then looking deep into her blue eyes plunged her down on my dick. She screamed in pain and pleasure while I screamed as I felt Power flood into me.

“Fucking hell. Like come on!”

“I suppose I can give wrynn credit for seeing it through?”

“I don’t, Marcie. This fucker is perfectly capable of writing good stuff, as he has proven with the Harem Hotel story.”

“Eh, doubtful.”

“So, there is absolutely no excuse for this lame ass shit.”

“Alright, I concede that the Harem Hotel branch is indeed better. Perhaps because it has actual stakes?”

“And actual sex, not enough either, but still more then we got here. And Laura is a much better main character then this scheming bitch.”

“Yes, scheming villain protagonists are difficult to get right. This might go beyond the scope of this review but when you have a scheming villain, I believe it is very important that you make them pathetic.”

“...what.”

“We do not want to see schemers and sneaks succeed but we do like a good underdog story. If you can convincingly sell it that the schemer is not only in way over his head but also has a very real chance of losing you can have the audience actually root for him. I fully admit this is hard to accomplish, but not impossible. A good example of such a character would be Lunnara from “Whore of the Dragon”

“Oh yeah, what ever happened to that writer?”

“I think Lois and Blaze scared him off with a mean review.”

“For fucks sake!”

“Anyway, do not divert from my diversion. There are a few way the story could have achieved this underdog status without compromising the general power fantasy this story very obviously was going for. Personally, I would have done away with the whole hiding in the shadows stint. Asmodeus should have been **** in the open long ago. Have him grovel before the Demon King and **** him to complete utterly unreasonable tasks for her. That way when he finally does get to subdue her it actually means something.”

“Ugh, I’m so done with this! Are we done?”

“I think so? This one will be a rather short follow up but I do not really have anything to add beyond the fact that we never got to release those nudes from Gina.”

“FUCK OFF!”