The shitheads basically cut me off. As far as they're concerned, I'm dead.

You gaped. "You can't be serious, just like that?" You knew Randall had problems with his parents, but this seemed too much.

"Yup." Randall nodded. He seemed far more together about this than you were. "He literally said 'I have no son'. Cliché much, hey?" He laughed. How can he be laughing?! Randall sat down in the chair beside your bed. He must have noticed the grim look on your face, because he sighed and looked down. "Look man I'm sorry, I shouldn't joke around so much about this, you lost your mom and I got off pretty good."

You nodded, trying to realize the position he was in right now. "No, I know you, you joke around, that's why you're my best friend in the world. We're in this together, and we'll make it work." You grinned. "Roomie."

Randall made a noise of affection that seemed far too familiar to that body and leaned in to hug you. Your mom's huge breasts pressed into you, now this was never a big deal before but your mother's body had never been piloted by a dude before. He put your arms around Randall awkwardly. He leaned back into his chair. "So. You feelin up to crackin this joint?" He said with your mother's smile. Hearing her voice talk just like your idiot best friend was strange, you knew this was gonna take a while to get used to. "Docs say we can go as soon as you're good to go."

As if on cue, Dr. Saunders spoke from the doorway. "I think you two have spent enough time here for a lifetime, besides, you have a lot to figure out." He walked in. "Don't worry about the bill, due to the.....delicate nature of the procedure, we think it's best not to leave any sort of paper trail." He looked at Randall. "We've taken the liberty of calling your 'sister', Mrs. Connors."

It took a moment for Randall to register this. "Oh, thank you Doctor."

Saunders turned and began to exit. "She's bringing clothes for the both of you." As he went out the door, he looked over his shoulder. "Oh, and remember. Loose lips sink ships."

"Boy." Randall said. "He seems in a rush to get rid of us. Guess you and I are dirty laundry now."

Your Aunt Joan soon arrived, Randall had some previous interaction with his new 'sister', and he was still getting used to it. If she noticed anything wrong about her sister, your aunt said nothing. Hopefully she just thinks it's brain damage. She brought some of her husband's old clothing for you, it was all far too big but you were glad not to be dressed in paper. Randall emerged in on of your aunt's sweaters and some sweat pants. Your aunt apologised again for not being able to bring you and your 'mother' your own clothes. "I thought I had the key, it just disappeared!" The drive home was silent and a little awkward, Joan prattled on about not much interesting and you tried to get a grasp on your new existence. In truth, you had lost both your mother and your best friend, and now had a bizarre combination of the two.

Luckily you were able to punch in the garage door's security code and got into the hose no problem. The kitchen smelled from week old hamburger sitting on the counter, thawing for dinner after the game. "Guess those burgers aren't gonna get eaten." Said Randall, throwing the bad meat in the trash. He bagged it up and presented it to you. "Well, son, time to take the trash out."

You looked at him, deadpan. "Gotta be kidding me."

Randall burst out laughing. You couldn't help but chuckle.