The next day

I tried to not be too eager. I waited until early the next afternoon to reach out to Virginia. I called her number, excited to hear her voice and to make plans to meet again.

She had blocked my number.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck!

We had shared magical evening. She had asked me to be her first lover. She had herself said this would not be a one time thing. And now I was blocked.

It had to be a mistake, that was the only possible explanation. The next day, Sunday, I decided to go back to her apartment and either speak to her or leave a note on the door, explaining the situation and asking her to contact me. I arrived at her door, my mind filled with images of her standing in that same doorway, inviting me in, and just as I was about to knock, the door swung open. Instead of Virginia, I saw a middle-aged Asian woman who nearly fell over backwards when she was startled by my presence.

“Is, uh... is Virginia here?” I asked, confused.

I received a firm, “No.” I waited a moment for some explanation. “Gone. Moved out. Yesterday.” And with that, she pulled the door shut and locked it. Then looking back at me she asked curtly, “Do you want to rent?”

On Monday I went back to the office where we had first met. She moved, but had she left her job, too? What was happening? When she saw me approaching, Virginia looked frightened and began to cry. She looked around as if trapped and then, seeing no exit except through me, she sunk back into her chair and wept. Oddly, she put her fingers in her ears and refused to look my way. I grabbed a piece of paper from her desk and wrote on it, “What's wrong? Why are you upset? I thought we shared something special?” Pushing the paper into her view, I waited for her to respond.

After she had looked at my note, her face morphed from sadness to rage. Looking up, but without removing her fingers from her ears, she began whisper-shouting at me, “What's wrong? Do you have any idea what you did to me? How could you not know? Every command you gave me I somehow had to obey, I couldn't control myself!”

As soon as she said those words, my heart sank. Oh God, no! What had I done?

Virginia continued, “You **** me to give you my number, to go out with you, to talk about myself, to hold your hand... You told me not to tell you 'no,' so every time you asked if you should stop I had to pretend to want you to continue. You took my... you... And you even... I had to kiss you while you... you did that to me. You monster! I have to quit my job and leave my house just to be safe from you. If you have any decency at all you'll just leave right away and never ever EVER come near me again!”

I mouthed the words, “I'm so sorry, I didn't know” a few times hoping she understood. I wrote them down to make sure she saw them. Then I left, dejected.

Dear God! I had abused and **** a woman without even trying! Without even knowing! How would it be possible for me to have a serious loving relationship ever again?