The mountain

Let’s go hiking in the mountains, she said. It’ll be an adventure, she said. You’ll clear your head, she said.

No. You’re half frozen, you are a lifelong athlete yet still completely exhausted, and your head is not clear! The cold has made your nose runny and you feel like you have a cold. You’re calf-deep in snow, and this isn’t hiking. It’s climbing. Lara gave you this ice pick axe thing, and you don’t know what’s worse: that she carries all this with her, or that you actually need it.

Lara is staying behind you in case you slip, so it’s up to you to lead the way. She shouts instructions to you, and you try to follow them. You eventually reach a cave, and you are too worn out to go any farther. Lara doesn’t seem to mind, and it’s getting dark.

You lie on the floor of the cave, gasping as she stands at the opening, hands on hips.

“We have to go higher,” she’s saying. “I don’t think it’s too much farther, but it will be safer to go in daylight.”

You wait for her to go on, but she doesn’t. You sit up, and see her leaning out, gazing down the mountainside.

“What’s wrong?”

“I thought I saw something,” she says, looking wary.

“Why do you carry that?” you ask, looking at the pistol strapped to her thigh.

“Oh, just in case there’s a Tyrannosaurus or something,” she says mildly, smiling at you.

“I don’t think that’s likely,” you say.

“You never know. You’ll want to take all that off,” she says, coming back into the cave. “That snow will melt when I start the fire.”

You’re all sweaty too, but there’s no way to bathe here. One more thing you didn’t really think about when you agreed. You’ve never been big on camping.

Lara builds a cute little campfire, and soon you’re on opposite sides of it, getting as close as you can without burning yourselves. You’re down to underwear, but there’s nothing erotic about being this tired or in this crazy situation. It’s crazy to you, but Lara doesn’t seem worried. She’s humming, and she’s got that journal in her hands again, so it’s your job to make some dinner.

It gets dark outside, and the weather up here is really bad. The wind is howling so loud outside the cave that you aren’t sure how you’re going to sleep. Actually, you’re too tired to care.

“Wonder what the captains are up to,” Lara muses as she turns the pages, still focused on the journal. “It was a tour, right?”

“Orlando, then New York. Then Saint Louis, then Las Vegas, then San Francisco.”

“Your forgot Los Angeles.”

“Yeah,” you say.

“They’re in Vegas by now. Does Riley like casinos?” Lara asks. “That’s all you see there on TV, so there must not be anything else to do.”

“I don’t know. I hope she’s having fun.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“More fun than we’re having.”

“No,” Lara says, looking up with a smile. “We’re going to find ancient treasure tomorrow. That’s better than bad food and losing money in a casino.”

“Casinos have running water,” you remind her.

She closes the book. “Fair,” she says.

You watch her roll out a sleeping bag. “Where’s the other one?” you ask.

“What other one? I only brought the one,” Lara says innocently.

“Are you bloody joking? Why not?”

“Because there’s very little to burn here, and if we don’t share heat, we’ll literally die,” Lara tells you with a smile.

All right… but still. She doesn’t have to look like she’s enjoying this so much.

“I’ll be the little spoon,” she volunteers, slipping in and inviting you with a gesture. “That way there’ll be nothing to distract you.”

“How considerate,” you say, quite annoyed. You are so ready to sleep, but you weren’t planning on doing it smooshed up against Lara. Well… at least you’ll be warm.

You squeeze into the sleeping bag with her, and get a face full of her hair. You wiggle and put your chin on her shoulder. It’s not super comfortable, but you can’t be **** on her hair all night. She’s doing something with her phone.

“You can’t possibly get a signal here,” you say.

“No, but I downloaded something while I still could,” she replies, playing a video.

It’s from… FUTA. It’s a sixty-second teaser for the publicity tour. You don’t get to see anything too detailed, it’s all quick cuts with exciting music, but you see Riley and the others waving, getting off a plane, sitting around a poker table, advertising a sport drink, and doing some kind of oily… swimsuit photo shoot? What in the world?