The good guys reassemble.

Buffy marched back into the Summers house, carefully ignoring the noises behind her. Xander staggered behind her, finding it difficult to walk straight while an upside-down Dawn had her arms and legs wrapped around him. She was trying to unbutton his jeans with her teeth while shoving her bare pussy in his face in an ambulatory 69.

"I'm inventin' a new sexual position," Dawn said happily as her pigtails hung down below her straw hat, still clinging to her head in defiance of gravity. "And my teachers said I'd never ammount to nuffin."

Buffy couldn't ignore that any longer. "Xander, if you fuck my sister I'll kick your ass so hard you'll be shitting out your ears," Buffy warned. Xander sighed in frustration -- Buffy's threats just turned him on more, but intellectually he knew she was right and this was wrong. Speaking of wrong...

Inside the Summers living room the Scoobies were staring at a radically changed Jenny Calendar. "I take it you got sprayed," Buffy said. Jenny was dressed as a female version of Giles -- glasses, tweeds, the whole nine yards. Only the black stiletto heels replacing the librarian's usual Oxfords changed the look. Buffy felt some sense of relief that not everything in Ethan's spell arsenal was totally perverted. "So what happened?"

"It's hard to explain," Jenny said. "Maybe an interpretive dance would help."

"What?"

Jenny snapped her fingers and the room was suddenly filled with upbeat music and flashing lights. She twirled around, ripping off one garment after another. It turned out there were some other differences between her outfit and Rupert's. Beneath the mannish shirt and breakaway trousers she was wearing a lacy black bra and G string, and and thigh-high fishnet stockings. "Eight six seven five, three-oh-ni-ee-ine!"

So much for not everything being perverted.

"Where did the stripper pole come from?" Xander asked as a now topless Jenny twirled upside-down and winked and the similarly positioned Dawn.

"You could have just SAID 'I'm a stripper now,' " groused Anya.

Buffy turned her back on the the sight of Jenny's unorthodox explanation, and so was spared the discovery of just where Dawn kept the five pound notes she was now shoving into Jenny's G-string. "Where's Willow?" she asked.

"Asleep upstairs," Joyce replied. "She got sprayed too, and apparently the fight took a lot out of her. Kennedy said the girls would keep an eye on her." Buffy nodded, glad the trainee Slayers could be that useful, at least.

"Any luck with a cure?" the full Slayer asked Tara with a note of desperation creeping into her voice.

"Some," Tara said, staring over the smaller blond's shoulder at the amazingly athletic pole routine. "We've figured out that chemically the spray bonds with estrogen, so it only works on women. But there's not just a chemical and mystical component, there's also a psychological element working here too. Jenny's outfit shows that Ethan has some sort of fixation on Giles he's trying to work out."

"Fixation, as in...?"

"Well, Ethan and I were very close for a time at university," said Giles. He removed and polished his glasses, trying to give himself time to collect himself before continuing. "It ended badly -- he started worshipping Chaos while I was moving out of my rebellious phase, and we just didn't get along anymore."

Buffy's eyes bugged out. "You and... Ethan? Together?"

"University is a time for sexual experimentation," Giles said defensively. Spike snickered.

"For GIRLS!" insisted Xander, pulling away from his makeout session with Dawn. The image of Giles and Ethan in bed together wilted his hard-on as no threat from Buffy could. "Girls experimenting in college in normal and kind of hot. "But that's... girls. Not guys. Girls."

"If a bloke feels the need to interrupt his snogging session with a girl to defend his heterosexuality, methinks he doth protest too much," Spike smirked.

Xander glared at the vampire. After an insult like that he knew he needed a brilliant comeback, the sort of comment with which he'd emotionally devastated bullies for years. Granted, they'd still beaten him up, but it was worth it. "Shut up, Spike!"

Not his best effort.

"Okay, so that's the story with Jenny," said Tara, trying to get things back on track, "and we talked about Dawn already, but I need to figure out how the psychology interacts with the other components."

"What do you mean?" asked Buffy.

Tara looked down in embarrassment. "I need a control subject."

Buffy stared in amazement. "You want to use that stuff on someone else?"

Tara shook her head, though her eyes stayed fixed on Jenny. "Not want. Have to. Once I separate out the psychological component I can counteract the other two."

"Who are you going to spray?"

"Me," said Joyce. "It has to be me. Everybody else is either a fighter or a magic person. I'm... superfluous."

"Mom," Buffy said, "do you have any idea what this stuff will do to you?"

"That's what we'll find out," said Joyce. "This way I won't be useless." She looked over at Dawn, who'd bought a lapdance from her computer science teacher and was making out with Xander as Jenny ground against her, the G-string draped over Dawn's boater. Joyce shuddered in distaste. "It's the only thing I can do to protect my daughter."

Buffy had no argument against that. She nodded and stepped back.

"Sorry about this," Tara said, and sprayed the captured can directly in Joyce's face.