The bride

The soft strains of wedding music float around you as you gaze into your new husband's eyes. Your lips still tingle with his kiss, and you feel the solid weight of the ring on your hand. All eyes are on you as you beam your happiness to the crowd. Why, everyone you know is here. Everyone in the world!

The music changes to the recessional, and your husband takes your hand as you start down the steps. Something catches your foot and you shriek as you tumble down. Your gauzy dress hooks on a gilded stair ornament and tears from your body with an awful ripping sound. Bewildered, you struggle to your feet when a bucket lands on your head and drenches you with something squishy.

You look down at your naked body. You're smeared with yellow and red mud, like a cavewoman. Your new mother-in-law points her finger at you.

"Dirty!" she says. "What a dirty girl!"

On the point of tears, you look round at your family and friends for help, for support, for sympathy. Your mother looks worried, but doesn't do anything. Your father-in-law frowns. Even your husband just stands there, looking stunned.

A masked figure cackles at you from the rafters of the grand wedding hall. "Got you back! Got you back!" it crows.

You wake up with a start, breathing hard. Wedding anxiety, part XIII -- nightmares. Maybe it was only a dream, but you're still worried if things will turn out right.

This wedding stuff just doesn't seem to bother Alex. If he hasn't always been a rock by your side, at least nothing seems to get him down. In either sense. He'd surely be up for a little roll in the linens to start the day. You turn to reach for him, but he's gone, leaving only a warm spot.

You get up and take a look in the mirror. It always feels better, somehow, seeing you're still here. You smile and laugh. At least you look and feel good in the morning, unlike your guests. With only a couple more days to the wedding, your college friends Jen, Chris, and Dave have already arrived to crash with you and Alex. It's been great having them here for moral support, and they've been really helpful running errands.

Everything is almost ready for the wedding. But it's been strange -- freak accidents with the flowers, the decorations, the dress. It almost seems like there's someone out to spoil your wedding. And even if your new mother-in-law is worried you'll corrupt her precious son (ha, if she knew what Alex taught you!), she'd never be so round-about.

You put it out of your mind and look forward to this evening. Alex has a bachelor party (though he said he might cut loose early). Jen said she had an "old college days" night planned for you, Chris, and Dave. Your ears turn a little pink. You had some wild times then, and knowing Jen, you're sure she has something wild in mind. Something sexy and wild. Chris and Dave would be up for it, too. And Chris was your steady boyfriend (well, not so steady...) for a couple years. Hmmm...

Alex loves it when you tell stories from your sexual adventures, so you hope tonight will be extra special so you can share it with him. Or wait, maybe he'd like to watch! Or join in!