The Wrath of a Knight.

That was so fucking cool!
Totally awesome! I can't believe something that amazing happened right before my eyes!
And who was the mastermind behind this illustrious spectacle?
That's right!
It was me! Yours truly! I don't care that I'm the narrator. That was fantastic, and you know it!
Now you know better than to doubt me when I'm being reckless and impulsive! I've been doing mad science way before potty training. I know my whacky bullshit!

Now, I know what you're thinking: 'Oh, but Allison! Fusing with your weapon after throwing a temper tantrum doesn't make much sense, does it? Aren't you gonna look up the science behind that?'
Oh, come on! That was a genuine epic moment! You can't always expect to explain extraordinary moments with ordinary processes. Nor should you! Sometimes badass moments speak for themselves!

Besides, I already looked it up.
And... Nothing.
No one anywhere seems to know what exactly that transformation was supposed to be. All I could find was this eighteen hundred year old poem about Jayjay.

And so the Warrior, sapped of strength and weary from the onslaught of wickedness, sought courage in the life hidden in the Most Glorious Holy Lance of Jaivardhan, which the Warrior wielded. For the Most Glorious Holy Lance of Jaivardhan looked upon the sorrow of the Warrior, and turned the sorrow of the Warrior into a fury. And it became a catalyst for the fury, and the fury became a storm. And in the storm, the sun cowered and took its warmth and fled, and the air turned into swords. It was a storm to ravage for a hundred days. And one day in the storm, that is the fury of the Warrior, was like a hundred years in a storm.

Well, try sciencing that, won't you?
Just face it, this is a very different world from ours, with a whole different relationship to its inhabitants than ours. Some situations in this world are simply more **** to the mood of those involved.
And there's nothing left for me but to accept that. I don't get to dictate how I wish the world works. As a scientist, I merely resign to what I observe.

The Wicked Witch of Miracles stared slackjawed at the Bird Brain in a disbelieving stupor.
The metal warped along her skin, spiraling around her torso to meet by her core, forming armor around hips, groin and breasts. They also formed a weapon, winding around her right arm to meet at her forearm, converging at her hand like claws resembling the feathers of a golden bird.

Once the Witch caught herself dumbfounded, she cleared her throat and quickly regained composure. She scooped her wand up, meeting her menacing opponent with a smile.
"I must hand it to you, at least you can appreciate the value of good showmanship. But Sweetheart, that's just showmanship. Nothing has changed. If your cute new outfit happens to come with a couple of new tricks, then good for you. Still, that cannot make up for your own criminal ineptitude. Now, Sweetheart, how about for once in your life you show that you have learned your lesson, and..."

Whoosh.
Bird Brain blurred out. Then in again.
Suddenly the Wicked Witch found herself nose to nose with her opponent.
She blinked. A good moment passed before the Witch could even register what had happened, but soon turned her shocked expression to the golden warrior, her eyes the size of saucers.
Her body froze in terror.

The Golden Girl raised her clawed hand, clutching her fingers one by one into a fist. Only her index finger remained raised. She moved her arm towards the Wicked Witch slowly, reaching out to gently tap with her gold claw on the exposed skin of the Witch's left shoulder.

Tap.

A deep gushing wound the length of her arm exploded.
Now, the Witch almost certainly figured that something bad had happened, but her reaction was far from immediate. Even as bright red blood splattered against her impeccably light face, she merely stared dumbfounded at the gruesome spectacle. I guess it didn't occur to her that anything as visceral and immense as what she felt could possibly be pain.
Until it did.
"AIIEEEEEEEEHHHH!!"

Yeah, I bet that hurt. It hurt just hearing her scream. Her legs shifted in an attempt to find balance from how much that spooked her.
But it wasn't the time to indulge in pain, and she knew it. She whipped her wand almost instinctively, aiming it at her opponent.
"Fire La--"
The Golden Girl grabbed the Witch's wrist.
"AUUUUGH!"
Her crushing grip caused the Witch to drop the wand, as Golden Girl wrung her arm away from herself. The one visible eye peered towards her prey with stoic killing intent, shimmering like gold in a white pond.
In one beat she threw the Witch across the Arena like a paper plane. The sand was colored red with each bounce, until she crashed against the edge of the Arena. Blood splatter appeared on the wall where the Witch struck.

It had to be said, if she managed to get up after that with only half her bones crushed into powder, that in itself would be nothing short of a miracle.
There she was though! Like a bleeding worm writhing in the sand. She lifted the wide brim of her hat from her eyes, and who stood over her if not the Golden Girl that so thoroughly had mauled her but a second ago?
The mage frantically traced magic glyphs in the air, teleporting to the other end of the Arena.
Of course, the Golden Girl followed suit with a teleportation of her own, crushing her bloodied wrist under a golden boot.
"GUAAAAAHHH!!!"

Actually, I don't think Golden Girl teleported anywhere. Whenever she did what she did, I saw footprints appearing in the sand. And also, a trail of lingering dust connecting the spots between where she appeared and disappeared.
That was running. She was running way too fast.
Kind of like how a bullet already hits its target by the time the trigger is pulled.
Now, sure, it doesn't make sense for anything remotely like a human to move safely and accurately as fast as a bullet. But you gotta understand, I don't actually think that's a Bird Brain in her skull.

That Bird Brain got thoroughly devastated by the Wicked Witch of Miracles. So thoroughly, I guess, that the boundary between weapon and warrior got devastated too. The girl and the lance became one and the same.
She was the Holy Lance.

Can you imagine that? Being a weapon? Like, what would it be like to live as a sword or a spear? You know nothing but how to hurt and kill.
That is all you end up doing.
Destined to turn into scrap metal worse than useless the moment peace is struck. Until then, all you ever do is inflict wound after grievous wound on whoever your master points at. Never knowing, or caring, who they are.
Or why they have to die.
You don’t dislike that. You don’t like that either.
It just is what it is.

And that was Sanakia.

Or... That's my guess anyhow.
She wasn't exactly expressive at the moment.
"So... Should we be worried? Or...?" I looked towards Goldfish Knight, who leaned against the barrier with his elbow.
He didn't say a word.
"Just saying." I spoke again, "She doesn't really seem like... Herself at the moment. Right?"
He remained silent, staring down at the Arena.
Can't say whether that unnerving detachment was an improvement or not. But, hey! At least he wasn't trying to tear down the barrier anymore. That's one less thing to worry about.
He kept his fist clenched, and I heard soft growling from under his helmet. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was even angrier somehow.
Only he kept it bottled up.

"STOP IT!!!" Beatrice shrieked, desperately limping away from the onslaught of the golden warrior, "THIS-- THIS IS WRONG!!! WHAT ARE YOU!?"
I couldn't help but be intrigued by how primordial her terror seemed. Like a trapped animal.
Even if she died in the Arena, bringing her back would be a frivolity. She knew that. And yet her entire being screamed to flee that insidious beast.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Tears streamed down her face as golden claws rained down on her from all directions, "YOU MONSTER!!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!!"
Scrambling around haplessly while lost in an invisible labyrinth, the Wicked Witch searched frantically for even a single spot away from the gold claws. Yet the monster was everywhere at once.
The tatters of her snazzy dress floated to the ground as shredded strips. Having a classy and curvy lady run around in the nude might sound like a dream come true for all the fellas in the audience. But yeah, no. She was ripe with open wounds, and crimson streaked her body from top to toe where the claws had dug. Really, she resembled a butchered piece of meat marinated in filth more than a hot naked lady.
It'd take one hell of a messed up mind to get turned on by that.

Just as Golden Girl reached out to grab her, the Witch managed to collect herself and waved her hand upwards. To the sky. The Witch lifted from the ground, getting away just as the claws ripped through the air where she once was.
She soared high above the ground.
Still bleeding profusely, she couldn't exactly recover any stamina like that. But dammit if she didn't need a moment of respite! Somewhere she could calm down. Collect her bearings.
Not that Golden Girl was gonna let her.

The golden warrior looked up at her opponent with detached calm. She raised her finger to the sky, which lingered towards the Witch as she flew about. A ring of golden light, encircled by strips of runic text, appeared centered around her index finger.
"FEM...!"
The Witch was enveloped by a beam of white light extending from the magic circle. I've got no idea what kind of radiation that was supposed to be, but I saw black smoke rising from the beyond the brilliance, where Beatrice was supposed to be. So, I guess not good?

She screamed.
The screaming became louder as she hurtled towards the ground. Just as she was about to smack against the oncoming sand with terminal velocity, she snapped her fingers. A disk of blueish light appeared below her. A magical barrier of her own, apparently. Slanted, so as to allow her to land at an angle, without taking the brunt of the fall. She slid off the barrier like a slide, rolling to the ground. Once she came to a stop, she scrambled around confused. Probably too dazed to remember if the feet were used for walking, or the hands.
Not that she had time to decide though. Sanakia moved there swiftly, clenching her hand into a fist which she wound behind her. She threw a punch, one that connected to her opponent's jaw like a golden sledgehammer.
The Witch was sent rolling like a soccer ball, until coming to a sudden stop when she struck a heap of sand.

With a moan mixed with whimpers, the Witch spat out a pair of teeth in a small puddle of blood.
At that point, no way could the Witch rise to her feet. Try as she might, she fell back down with a scream of pure anguish.
Looked like someone had a broken leg or two.

Any remote color had long been drained from her skin. Her face looked gaunt, and her eyes sunk into her skull. The beautiful, alluring lady was no more. Almost as if her constant struggle for survival slowly turned her into a ghost.
She clutched the ground, using her last strength to rake heaps of sand in an effort to crawl away from the golden warrior. It didn't take long before the Wicked Witch found her opponent standing over her. Once again, she became paralyzed with fear. Irregular breathing mixed in with shrill whimpers.

Sanakia pointed her finger at Beatrice, the tip of the claw less than an inch away from her eye. A fragile, drained cask of a human being she may have been, but she sure got fired up enough to wriggle backwards with the energy and desperation of someone about to have her fucking eye gouged out.

Constant unintelligible whimpers blurted out from her mouth while shifting away. Alas, all that effort amounted to her slipping, ending up sprawled on the ground like a banquet for the Golden Girl.
The Witch's executioner stepped ever closer, leaning forward so as to keep her razor-sharp finger pointed at the panic-stricken eye of the bubbling witch.
"FEM...!" She yelled out, but stopped upon realizing something.
Golden Girl had stopped.

She held her position. Still as a statue. The claw forever extended towards her eye. A hair's breadth away, but never closer.

It's amazing how quiet the Arena became after that pandemonium. I still heard the irregular panting of the Witch, and Golden Girl's slow, hissing aspirations. But that was all.
The Witch was still terrified, but she was also confused. She didn't care though.
The Wicked Witch of Miracles raised her arm. Slowly, as if her bones had turned to lead. She extended the trembling limb towards Golden Girl, raising a single finger at her face.
With monumental effort and focus, she steadied her aim. Pointing between Sanakia's eyes.
She did nothing.
The Wicked Witch of Miracles swallowed, then spoke. Only two words.
"Fire Laser..."

Yeah, I didn't watch that part.
Sorry.
I had to look away. That became too much for me. I wasn't in the mood to watch Bird Brain's Bird Brain become eviscerated after everything she'd done to get that far.
I did, however, hear Sanakia's blood-curdling scream.
Following in short order was Ben's booming voice announcing the results.

"Sanakia has been defeated! Beatrice is victorious!"

If there ever was someone who didn't deserve being headshotted at point-blank range by a buxom Wicked Witch, it would be her. Yet all I could feel was relief.
I peered between my fingers. The both of them lay naked and exhausted in the Arena, looking about terrified and confused. Next to them the golden spear rested, stabbed halfway in the sand and standing like a flagpole.
Sanakia hunched over, her face buried in her hands.

I heard the sound of metal rattling behind me, and looked over my shoulder. Goldfish Knight had turned away, walking briskly towards the exit.
"Hey, Mr Goldfish Knight!" I called out to him, "Where are you going?"
"Where do you think?" He answered with an eerie calm, "I am a knight. There are monsters to be slain."
"Hey, you'll go easy on Sanakia, won't you?"
"...I have no idea who that is." He walked away.

Well, shit.