The Wizard's Guild, by outa

“AAAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!!”

“Gina please.”

“THAT DISGUSTING, UGLY, LAZY PIECE OF GARBAGE GOT AWAY WITH IT! AGAIN!”

“I know these are difficult times for all of us and we are all a bit upset right now but…”

“HE’S LITERALLY WORSE THEN HITLER!”

“He is not worse then Hitler, Gina.”

“FOUR YEARS! FOUR FUCKING YEARS!”

“Gina, look I need you to take a deep breath, calm do...”

“FUCK YOU, SARCKLE!”

“...oh.”

“IT HAS BEEN FUCKING FOUR HALLOWEENS AND HE STILL HASN’T DELIVERED AN UPDATE ON THE MONSTER STORY! WHAT THE FUCK!”

“If it is any consolation, we are reading The Wizard's Guild, by outa. Wizards are somewhat spooky, no?”

“Wizards? As in sexy witches?”

“...maybe?”

“Hmm...ah, shit, AI guy’s back again? It hasn’t even been three months.”

“It has not. But this is a new story, Gina. He is well within his right to apply.”

**This story was originally a branch of "The AI Knows" That I reworked into its own full story

“NO, IT’S NOT! THAT’S CHEATING! YOU FUCK!”

“As a matter of fact, it is not. Can you please stop screaming?”

“Fucking AI guy, I swear. Just two stories in and he already moved up tremendously on my shit list.”

“But Gina, this is a fantasy story. I do believe there is enough of a deviation from his other work.”

“Marcie, he released the story two weeks ago and the fucker has already written 95 chapters. I’m sure the quality will be just as stellar.”

“Then let us begin.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“So this is the story about some random farmboy dweeb who sets his hand on fire by magic. That’s no good, so he heads over to the local magic guild to get it treated.”

“Hmmm...as far as premises go, this is actually rather interesting.”

“Yeah, well don’t get too excited, Marcie.”

Sorceress : "so, you going to put that out?"

Jacub : "I was kind of hoping you'd help me with that."

You say a little disappointed she didn't recognize your distress.

Sorceress : "wait, you're saying you're not a sorcerer?"

Jacub : "not that I know of"

“Hmph, I wanted to give this author credit for having learned how to center images and then he tortures me with this abomination.”

“You really hate tags.”

“Tags are a capitulation. Speech alone should be all that is required to comprehend who is talking. If that is not possible, it is an indicator that your characters lack a distinct voice.”

“To be fair, some readers can’t even tell us apart.”

“Now, that is preposterous.”

“I don’t know. Maybe tags are the way to go instead of awkwardly fitting our name in, Marcie”

“Gina, the mere thought of compromising my authorial integrity for the sake of these addle brained troglodytes induces a migraine.”

“Yeah, uh…”

“Enough of this nonsense, our protagonist encounters a Sorceress, Tritera, who is very eager to help him. Shenanigans ensue.”

Tritera : "Casters naturally want a medium, it's instinctual. It's in the essence from the moment your parents come together and Weurgoth touches you with life. This can result in your transfiguration magic trying to give you one the only way it knows how. But you can't resonate with a transfigured rod..."

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Do you want me to work you through it, Gina?”

“Sure.”

“Basically, Jacub is a mage.”

“Uhu.”

“And a mage needs a rod.”

“Ok?, Yeah sure.”

“Jacub did not have a rod.”

“hmhm..”

“So, his own magic provided Jacub with a “rod”.”

“…”

“…”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD! THAT IS DISGUSTING!”

“Gina, please. Use your indoor voice.”

“So, this is one of those dickgirl stories, is that it?”

“Not quite, Jacub had accidentally transformed himself into a male, while in reality he was always a girl.”

“What the...THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!”

“Oh dear…”

“Like, when the fuck did the transformation happened? Why didn’t his parents freak out when she suddenly changed gender? Like…”

“Gina...I think the implication here is that it happened before birth.”

“Wait…”

“Yes?”

“IS THIS ONE OF THOSE TRANS STORIES?”

“Gina, please. I will not stand for bigotry.”

“Oh, fuck off, Marcie. You know I’m not against turning guys into girls.”

“Right.”

“As long as it chops off the dick, I’m ok with it.”

“Let us move on quickly.”

“Fine.”

“Since our hero has magical talent, he is offered to join a wizarding school to learn how to use his powers.”

“Ok, so we have all this bullshit just for it to result in genderbent Harry Potter. Got it.”

“The thought did occur to me, Gina.”

“And it happens really fucking fast. Like the boy isn’t even allowed to go back home and say goodbye to his mom. Nope, gotta go the academy right now!”

“The pacing in this story is somewhat off.”

“Not the only thing that’s off with this shit.”

“They travel via magic mirror and arrive in Tritera’s personal apartment. At this point Jacub is still male. That is however about to change as the sorceress lifts the spell. And I must say this transformation sequence was actually done well.”

“Yeah, but they cut it short just when it was about to get good!”

“You mean when she was about to lose the penis?”

“Yes! That’s the best part and the story just skips it. What the hell!”

“ehem...despite how much in a hurry Tritera was, school is not starting for a couple days, which she decided to make us of by getting Jacub, now Jessica accustomed to her new body.”

“And apparently that includes fucking a dude.”

“Yes, again, pacing. This is now the second day of her being a girl and already she is out and about having sexual intercourse with a random barkeeper.”

“Shouldn’t she be into girls?”

“….”

“I’m serious! This was a dude turned girl!”

“I think the assumption here is that she was always into men.”

“Yeah, but there was no indication of that. And the whole thing happens really fucking fast, like what the hell.”

“Not to beat a dead horse but these first few chapters really should have focused on her getting settled in. Both with her new body and circumstances. Sex should not be on the menu for quite some time.”

“Bleh, after the fuckery she meets some other guys. It’s just some giant sausage fest!”

“After that we finally move into the dormitory.”

“And finally met some other girls.”

Trilia Topwood

Alicia Red

Amber Bustly

Jessica Bautem

“Grrrr.”

“Marcie, stop snarling.”

“How could I not? Look at this! From these four girls three end on an a! If we count Tritera that means four of the five named girls end on the same letter! That is an atrocious ratio!”

“Yeah but I guess that’s why they have the tags.”

“Not that it particularly matters. These girls do not really have a personality.”

“Wow, Marcie. Really?”

“We then meet another set of guys, with equally riveting characteristics and...”

“ARE THESE GUYS JUST HAVING A HOT POT ORGY?”

“Gina, focus on the meat of the story.”

“THAT IS THE MEAT!”

“And this is about all I can take. We have made it over 80 chapters into the story but that was mostly just as with last time, these chapters were very short.”

“That’s at least a positive.”

“This story suffers from a number of issues. Pacing and characterization are the two biggest one.”

“Too much sex with guys.”

“Err...I suppose that falls under pacing. We also have to talk about character bloat.”

“Do we?”

“To give a concrete example. We have the four beach guys and the four hot pot guys. They could have been combined and nothing of value would have been lost. Or if you want to have a bunch of guys, do not give all of them a name and speaking role. Have them be background characters instead.”

“uhu.”

“On the positive side of things we have some decent worldbuilding. Nothing spectacular mind you, but the author has taken some steps to flesh out his world. I appreciate that.”

“yay.”

“...you seem bored, Gina”

“Oh, geez, Marcie, could you tell?”

“Well, I suppose we can wrap this up. Anything you want to add, Gina?”

“Your dick is not a magic wand.”