The Wasp Gangcapes Porkum

Janet van Dyne had a thunder god on speed dial.

Across Manhattan, "Avengers Assemble" appeared on dozens of smartphones and communicators. Doctor Doom's distractions, which had so engaged the various heroes to isolate Sue Storm for the purpose of carrying out Porkum's plan, had been resolved. Everyone from street-level vigilantes to cosmic powerhouses answered the call of the Wasp—especially when she revealed that the villain in question had sexually violated Sue Storm.

Porkum had no extrasensory Pig-sense to feel the forces aligning against him. He was on the toilet, ogling a centerfold, when the ceiling vanished. The villain had time to look up to see black clouds circling like the baleful eye of a malevolent god. A tall blond man with a hammer hovered overhead; nearby, a Black woman with white hair rode on the winds.

"Villain," a voice called down. "Surrender."

The mutant pig-man raised a finger to the heavens.

Hawkeye's arrow took off the offending digit.

Lightning licked down. For a moment, Porkum's skeleton could be seen within his obese body. The toilet exploded. A burning pornographic magazine fluttered in the wind.

Porkum, burned and smelling like the centerpiece at a Hawaiian barbecue, raised his head to see Wolverine stalking forward, claws sliding slowly out. Next to him was a hulking green man cracking his knuckles, and a guy in biker leathers whose head was a literal skull engulfed in flames.

"Nope," Porkum said and skittered backward.

To run straight into a giant spider's web. The pig-man looked up to see a blue-and-red-clad figure who had laid the trap.

"Remember guys," he said. "He's headed to the prison hospital, not morgue."

Porkum opened his mouth to scream. An apple-arrow plunged into his mouth. Hawkeye lowered his bow grimly.

The Invisible Woman would be avenged.

In the Wasp's apartment, Sue Storm moaned. Janet was six inches tall and sucking on a clitoris that was, proportionately, the size of a watermelon. The blonde moaned, all thoughts of Porkum very distant in that moment.

Now, Janet thought. Time to deal with her husband and family.