The Shire

Gandalf visits the Shire

Gandalf, looking rather slick with a pipe in his mouth, stares off in the distance, wrinkling his brow, toward the rather large hill. It's a home in the ground, with a mahogany door and a smokestack bellowing out at the roof. There is a nice little garden, well-maintained, at the front of it with a stocky hobbit cutting the hedges with a sheer.

Gandalf stops his wagon in front of the home and then walks toward the door. Assisted by his wooden cane, He knocks thrice.

It was not a few seconds later, a rather irritated voice hollers from within.

"No thank you! I don't want any sluts, cum gobblers, or distant incestuous relations!"

Gandalf chuckles and responds with amusement, "And what about bros before hoes?"

The sound of footsteps comes rushing from within until the door creaks open and a hobbit appears, somewhat old but still fresh.

"Gandalf!"

"Dildo Baggins!"

Gandalf kneels down and gives Dildo a warm pat on the shoulder.

Dildo looks almost teary-eyed."I haven't seen you in ages! Where have you been? Who've you been fucking?"

Gandalf thinks for a second before giving a brief reply. "Oh, you know. I've been here and there. Fucking some sluts in Rivendell, spit-roasting Goldberry with Tom Bombadil. The usual."

"It seems like you've had a wonderful time, Gandalf. Oh, how I miss Elven pussy. So tender. So sweet."

"Yes, yes. Let's get to that another time. I have something to talk to you about Dildo. Something very important."

"Oh. Where are my manners? Come in come in."

Gandalf bent down and entered the tiny home, almost hitting his head on a nearby chandelier piece. Dildo rushes inside and starts setting up the table, placing cheese, bread, and an assortment of **** and tobacco. They both sit down opposite each other while Dildo places a pipe in his mouth.

"Need your dick wet Gandalf? I can call up some of the Sackville Sluts. Lobelia's fantastic at juggling balls in her mouth."

Lobelia Baggins is a Sackville Baggins, a distant relative to Dildo, and also his neighbor. She had tried numerous times to claim his house after he left many years ago but to no avail. After Dildo came back from his journey, he fucked her until her mind broke, turning her into the slut she is today, which was even more of a bigger slut than what she was usually.

"Ah, no thank you Dildo. I'm not quite in the mood at the moment."

"Not in the mood? Tell me Gandalf. What has gotten you so worried? What did you want to talk about?"