The Results Are In!

“Oooooh fuck that was good.” Horacio winced as he fell into his chair. The whole harem grumbled in agreement, that bbq was delicious, and they were all filled to the brim.

“Was that magic?” Laura sighed, laying out on her throne.

“No.” Lana burped. “It’s Texas.”

Once they were all settled in and sleepy, Sky came out. Though she wasn’t wearing her cowgirl get up. Rather she was dressed in a smart blue blouse, and black slacks. The monumental mammaries were tragically hidden away in that bursting stop. “Welcome back, everyone!” Her voice was the perfect American accent. No hint of any region or state invading it at all.

Matt sat up. “What happened to…”

“I want to thank you all for your participation in this focus group!” She paused to let them sink in. “Let me reintroduce myself. My name is Sky and I’m with the Harem Hotel Analytics Division.”

They stared blankly at her.

She smiled. At least the cheer hadn’t gone away. “We test concepts and configurations for harems before they hit prime time. In your instance, Laura your harem was set up to be the first predominantly male harem. You see, there’s been an overwhelming amount of female contestants, and when male contestants have appeared, they inevitably get turned into women.”

“Oh boy.” Deacon leaned his head back. That didn’t sound like it was going well for them.

“So we made the Master a woman and presented a stable of eligible studs for her delight. Then to test the viability of the set up we provided a gender-changing transformation for each of you. We allowed the audience to adjust the gender ratio to their desire. Though this was to test if the audience would turn all the men into women. You maybe have noticed the gender transformations for the ladies worked a little differently.”

“Yeah.” Lana nodded. “Mine just changed my media profile, all the guys just had their gender-swapped.”

“Exactly.” Sky nodded. “And Gwendolyn got a penis. This was to see if the audience even had the stomach to transition female characters in a male direction if it fit the primary makeup of the harem. This is what happens to the males in most situations. For Gwen and Lana these were your least popular choices. And as expected, Bimbo was the most popular choice out of the three.”

Gwen smiled. “No surprise there!”

Sky went on. “The final element of our test was to make the gender transformations attached to the most odious archetypes. Dorse, clown, goblin etc. Matt was the control, with a simple gender swap.”

Lana crossed her arms. “Can we get on with it, am I going to be Svetlana or not?”

Sky raised a finger. “First, the question at the heart of the experiment. Is the audience willing to accept a predominantly male Harem? If not, to what extent are they willing to go to avoid this outcome? If they are willing to accept, do they take actions to align the outliers with the majority as we see in mostly female casts?”

Sky waved her hands and presented the results.

Based on 41 Votes

Matt: Biker Chick 65.9% -Bunny Boy 19.5% - Strong Silent Type 14.6%

Jacob: Self Portrait 41.5 - Big Bro 31.7% - Little Bro 26.8%

Horacio: Goblin Gal 70.7% - Manly Musk 17.1% - Method Acting 12%

Gwendolyn: Bimbo Academy 48.8% - Right Tool For The Job 31.7% - Head Shoulders Ears and Tail 19.5%

Lana: Rubberhose Animation 65.9% - Fur The Love of God 26.8 - DirtyDay 7.3%

Chance: Mare 56.1% - Diamond Hands 24.4% - I can't be seen without my glasses 19.5%

Blackburns: Sister Act 70.7% - Jolly Cooperation 19.5% - Stiff Competition 9.8%

Abendigo: Most commonly suggested transformations: Sissy, trap, bimbo, cow girl, cat girl. (Thanks for all the suggestions btw, there were some AMAZING options for him, I am not worthy.)

Sky cackled in pure scientific delight. “If given the chance, the audience would prefer no penises in the harem at all!”

This struck the males in the harem like a brick. Only Derrick had expressed any interest in that change.

“What the hell?” Matt cried out.

“I know!” Sky beamed. “Isn’t that fascinating?” She held her hands up. “Now, I do want to caution everyone against judging this sample as proof that men have no place in Harem Hotel. There are some interesting trends. For contestants that had a physical change, the margins were much smaller. Matt, for instance, had Bad Bunny as a strong contender. And perhaps this simply shows a greater interest in more **** changes, but I don’t think so as evidenced in Matt also being chosen for a sex change.”

The men were simply shell-shocked into silence. Hard to do for a room full of men, but there it was, regardless.

“But I prefer guys!” Laura cried out.

“Right?” Sky beamed. “Isn’t that interesting? Maybe for the next batch, we should make the mistresses’ orientation more clear. Or we just get a mistress who’s straight, fascinating stuff! So much data for us to pour over!”

She was talking about stuff none of them even cared about. She was about to be a male genitalia genocide and she was talking about statistics.

“Anyway.” Sky bowed to everyone. “On behalf of Harem Hotel I’d like to thank you for your participation in this study. My brother Sands will be waiting to drive everybody home. Feel free to take whatever you want from the buffet with you, and $100 bills will be distributed once everyone signs their NDA’s.”

….

….

….

“What?” Gwen squawked. “You’re letting us go?”

Sky nodded. “Of course! You’ve all served your purpose admirably. No sense wasting resources on a whole season just for the heck of it.”

Matt got up and brushed himself off. “Welp not the worst Sunday I’ve ever had.”

There was the roar of a cool sports car, and Sands came swaggering out from backstage. “All right folks the ferry is open. Who’s heading out?”

Laura curled into a ball. “So… im not getting a harem?”

Sky smiled sweetly. “No, Honey. This was all just a setup to get a dataset from the audience, we needed them to believe it was true to get their honest reactions. “Sorry if we got your hopes up.”

She shook her head. “No, I'm happy for everyone… but in the back of my head… it just felt like I finally had my chance to find someone who loved me.” It was fucked up, but with her life, mind control really did feel like the only way. How else would someone love a freak like her?

Matt heard this and groaned audibly. He had the cash in hand…. And he turned around. “I have a girlfriend, just so we’re clear.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But I just came into a bit of money.” He smiled at the young woman. “Can I take you out for dinner?”

Horacio saw this and smiled himself. “Ya, know Matt.” He hefted himself to his feet. “I think I’m going to have to fight you on this. She’s my rp buddy, and I’m going to be taking her out.”

“Hey dickheads!” Lana unzipped her mask and let it fall to the ground. Her black hair was tightly pinned against her scalp, and she of course had a pretty face. “She’s my artist, and I was going to talk with her about a new logo over drinks!… After I buy a shirt… and pants.”

Gwendolyn gave a rich girl guffaw. “Please, I’m taking her to Blackbird tonight, I just got the most exciting idea for a comic, a Harem Hotel.”

“Blackbird?” Chance scoffed. “I can have us in Oriole in an hour.”

“We’ll be there!” The twins joined in.

Abendigo laughed and joined the outpouring. “I’ll join too, as long as they don’t serve those burgers that turn you into a 900 pound rhino man!”

Laura was laughing and crying in equal measure. “That air freshener is really getting to you guys.”

Jacob had to wipe a few tears from his eyes as well. He nodded thankfully to these strangers who’d almost become his family and were now assuredly his friends. “Thank you,” he said to all of them. Now he stood up to join them and held his hand out to Laura. “What do you say, Mistress? Will you have a night out with your Harem?”

That broke the tears, and she finally let out a stream of pure laughter. “Haha yeah. Yes, I think I will.”