The Rest of the Rest of the Fights

"Oh, come on! At least try it out first!" I practically had to wring the AK-47 into the hands of the amazonian woman with bull horns and absurdly large boobs, but she absolutely refused to take it.
"I shall battle with honour. On equal terms. Or I shall not battle at all."
"...Really, it's not so different from an axe. Just aim, breathe out slowly, and squeeze the trigger. And then your target gets turns to Swiss cheese!" TATARRATTARRATTATTA! The instance I pushed the trigger, a salvo of rifle bullets tore through the training dummy and turned it into a pile of straw, "Sure, it's not exactly like your grandma's battle ax, but you know what? Different doesn't have to be bad! Sometimes you gotta broaden your horizon and see if something works just for you!"
"Young lady... I fight the same way my ancestors have fought since times immemorial. I shall shame their memories if I lose faith in their training and start relying on cheap gadgets." Smoke shot out from her nostrils as she snorted, her arms folded in front of her chest.
She started to look annoyed. Really annoyed. You'd think I was waving around a red banner or something.
I pouted, "...But maybe you honour their memories by developing their style, and..."
"Read my lips! NO!"
I sighed. Looked like Katey was gonna have to fight a minotaur without an **** rifle.

Wait, you're not confused why I'm attempting to supply Katey's opponent with weapons, when I got along with her so well?
...It's exactly cause I got along with her so well that I'm doing it! See, being as hard-headed as she is, she refuses to resign from this match, and... Huh... Guess I got a little ahead of myself. Why don't we go back a bit, so I can tell the entire story:

Swivelling arcs of lightning coursed through the open air and tangled into itself in a cloud of crackling energy above the wooden staff in which a large crystal orb was embedded at the tip, as long gnarled fingers gripped it like roots growing over a rock. The curvy blonde with a blue chinese dress waved the staff as she infused the cloud with ever more magic power from the very essence of her being.
That was the true kind of lightning storm. The kind where the cloud that shoots lightning is made of lightning. It utterly dwarfed both contestants as it illuminated the arena with its blinding shine.
The maternal mage Mindi, who had charged up this massive lightning ball, could only be discerned as a silhouette against the light as her long shadow trailed all the way to the foot of her opponent.

"This is as far as you go, Fiend... And no further! YOU... SHALL... NOT... PASS!!!!"
Mindi stabbed the ground with the base of her staff, creating a blast of flashing arcs as the lightning cloud funnelled into the sphere.

The lightning trails along the ground towards her opponent, whose skin glows as brightly as the sun when it connects.
WHHHZRZZHZZHHHH!!!
A bright flash, first golden, then white then blue, radiated from the snake woman. A veil of white smoke followed, expanding across the entire arena. The smell of solder could be felt towards the furthest reaches of the lectars. The light from the odd spark popped up from behind the smoke, until it settled.
...Her opponent was still up. Even after a hit like that.

...Geez. That was one tough cookie, right? Well, I later found out that this was cause the Galmon had resistance to magical attacks, and didn't necessarily resist all damage like that... And yes, that too makes no sense. Electricity is generally considered as a 'thing' mostly by convention. Really, it's best described as a process.
Could this process be initiated by magic? I... Suppose so? But that wouldn't change what the electricity is or what it does. And what it is is a flow of electrons.
So why then would the galmon be unable to resist electric charge from, say, a car battery, but not from a magic spell? You know what? To hell with this! I'm no longer satisfied with just asking. I want answers! I'll be gone for just one sec to figure this out, and then I'll be right back! All right? All right!
Just sit tight!

( ... )

Ah! I figured it out! Turns out that most magic can't actually create the effect that they are supposed to be. It's just magic **** that operates with certain traits and certain appearance, that just happens to resemble electricity, fire or cold et cetera. So it walks like lightning, talks like lightning... But baby, it ain't lightning. Thus a fire spell would be able to ignite a flammable object, and then that fire would be able to harm those who could resist magic. It also means that if you use magic to drop a car or something on someone, magic resistance won't protect you from that.
Why does it work like that? Uh... I dunno. But geez, I better leave that for some other time! I was supposed to tell you the story of Hebi-san's match!

Hebi-san was the name of the Galmon fighting Mindi, and she's the kind of Galmon that's got a big snake as their... Let's call it tail, to protect the sensibilities of our more delicate audience.
A front tail.
Yeah... And before you ask; yes, she is definitely female, one with a lithe but curvy body too! And by the looks of it, she has every intention of letting everyone around her know that, what with dressing in nothing but belts. Yes. Belts. Not exactly the most comfortable attire in my opinion, but hey! If that's what she prefers, then that's cool!

Mindi instantly panicked when she saw the snake-lady emerge. Not only had the mage exhausted nearly all her magic, but the Galmon was completely unscathed.
She done goofed now!

But she wasn't just gonna give up willy nilly. She waved her staff, and a volley of large arrowheads made from magical energy soared around her like bees.
"Stop that." Hebi-san said in a calm yet authorative voice.
"...Yes, mistress." Mindi's staff slipped from her hand and unceremoniously fell to the sand.
"Admit your surrender to your most exalted queen."
"Yes, mistress. I surrender to you, mistress. Please, take pity on this poor soul." Mindi knelt down, evading eye-contact with her mistress.

And that was that. Someone that powerful lost the match, and became a ****. Just like that!
And my friends? They're exceedingly silly! Sure, they can hold their own against your regular street thug, but this... This ain't a fighter. It's just... Domination.
She also seems to be some kind of megalomaniac sadist too. So you can obviously see why I wouldn't want my friends to face her in the arena, right? Now, Uni? She's already agreed not to show up tomorrow. That's fine. That's great. But Katey, she's... Well, she's Katey. She won't admit weakness, and would rather end up enslaved to this dark dominatrix rather than concede there's something she can't do if she won't put her mind to it.
Kind of admirable attitude, really. Doesn't mean I will let her be enslaved though. So putting a machine-gun at the hands of an angry bull... That might not be the smartest idea. Certainly it's not the craziest thing I've done. But what's the alternative? Letting my new buddy get enslaved?
No! I'm not gonna watch my gal pals end up at the mercy of this madwoman!

Alas, doesn't seem like there's much I can do about it for now. But hey! At least there's still time for action!

Next up was good old Grand-Vizier Zig-Zag. You know? The guy I totally roofied last morning?
Well, he was gonna face a strapping young martial artist lizard girl. She stepped out from the mist with pink tanktop and black bicycle shorts, her entire outfit sticking to her trim curves like paint.
He stepped out from the mist wearing a black cloak that covered everything. If something wasn't concealed by the fabrics, it was concealed by shadows. Everyone awaited the start of the fight. The tournament was on a schedule, and everyone was on the edge of their seats.
And yet, the start signal never came. Just waiting, followed by more waiting.
Ben finally spoke, but it wasn't the start signal. He apparently had an announcement to make:

"Attention everyone. Now, it seems there's been a mistake in the selection process, which we have reason to suspect was caused by foul game. That's right, folks. According to our info, Grand-Vizier Zig-Zag does not actually abide by our minimum required standards of attractiveness!"
The crowd surrounding the arena erupted in boos.
"I know! Outrageous! Cheating is not tolerated by the **** Tournament Association Rasheul, and so we have **** but to take action! Grand-Vizier Zig-Zag... On behalf of the **** Tournament Association Rasheul, you are hereby disq..."

The Grand-Vizier pulled his hood down, flipping his long, white hair dramatically behind him.
His intellectual yet determined eyes of vibrant gold sparkled like pairs of topazes. His forehead was long, but not freakishly long. More like intellectual long, and what's more was framed perfectly by his voluminous silver mane. His jaws, though strong and well-articulated, connected to his narrow chin in a gentle curve. Granted, he was fairly pale, just like his mature form, but the paleness gave him an eerie mystique about it. The white skin reflected in the sun like pearls. And his body... Wow, this guy definitely worked out, but he wasn't cartoonishly swollen. More like a trim, broad shouldered build for agility as well as power. His frame was Y-shaped but only by the slightest hint of the curves. He was mostly lithe and toned, or so I assume under his dark magenta waistcoat and folded up jabot.
And to top it all off, his bat-ears had been replaced by long, pointy elf ears! This was friggin Legolas!

Honestly, I just thought my rejuvenation pill would make him look less gross. I had no idea that this living adonis would emerge from my experiments!
I don't need to tell you the audience couldn't stop gawking at him. And that includes yours truly~

"...I retract my previous statement. Please proceed, contestants... FIGHT!"

The moment of the signal, the lizard girl sprinted forward with blinding speed, throwing a devastating roundhouse kick aimed at his face. Just before it could connect though, his body turned into mist, and the mist simply moved away from the drag alone before it could even touch the leg, reforming into his solid self behind the lizard girl.
As she staggered away in an attempt to recover from that powerful a kick, Zig-Zag grabbed a corner of his cloak, hanging it open from his extended arm. A portal of purple light appeared at the inside of his cloak, from which many blades of glowing purple energy launched out towards the Gecko.
They flew out at her with the speed of rockets, yet she attempted to nimbly dodge each one, only receiving shallow cuts at first but there were far too many for this enterprise to be worthwhile. The moment a sword stabbed through her abdomen, she found herself pinned to the wall. Unable to move, dozens of swords pierced through the lizard girl all over her body, leaving her a pin cushion of energy blades. The swords vanished in a glowing purple cloud, and she fell limp to the ground. She did not rise.

The crowd erupted in fervent applause, as the specimen of a man leaft the stage, throwing kisses to his adoring fans.
See, when I do random crap, I do it for a reason. Well, if my random crap did have reasons behind them, they wouldn't be random. But there's reasons to prefer randomness to plain old boring plans and structure. You think anyone could've planned anything like that?
Sure, she moved with the nimbleness and grace of an assassin, and probably deserved to win just cause of that. But this guy's on a whole other level! And we get to see him in action because of me!

Speaking of assassins, I checked it out: There were no less than three assassins in this tournament, all of whom surrendered in the first round. Don't know what their plan was, but I doubt it was becoming the **** of some martial artist.
Oh, and there was also some guy called the Amber Assassin in the A-bracket. He doesn't count though. Clearly he wasn't actually an assassin. I mean, what kind of assassin goes around calling themselves assassin? If you ever found yourself wondering if someone around you was an assassin, I bet the first guy you'd look up was the guy with the name Mr Assassin.

Clearly he just chose to call himself that in order to pose. Hopefully that works out for him.

Apart from that, a knight in golden armour made short work of a bandit. Poor little rogue didn't stand a chance, even if she hadn't wasted any chance she might have had trying to strip him out of his gold plates.
One hit, and the girl was sent flying into a wall.
Very impressive, though I'm not sure I get the idea of gold armour. It's very soft, heavy and expensive, but hey! If you're strong enough, why not go the extra mile to look snazzy?
I got to speak to him once his fight was over. It was rather late in the evening, and the H-Bracket was ongoing. Now, let me tell you about the H-bracket... The final bracket... And it's absolutely insane! Man, I wish I had ended up there!
We've got ourselves a Dark Lord, which is like... Well, I'm not really sure what that's supposed to be. Some kind of god I imagine. I mean, wow! The goyle he was up against peppered him with with claws he could shoot like missiles and grow back, and they just bounced off his invincibility barrier! Yup, you heard me! This guy's got an Invincibility Barrier! And it's exactly what it sounds like! Absolutely no weapon can get past this shield.

And that's not even the best of the H-Bracket! Guess what else? There's an actual Hero fighting in this tournament! Yeah, in this world Hero is like a job you can have! One that only one person at any time can get. That means he's like the main character of this world! Man! Can you believe this world divies people up into main characters and side characters? That's kinda messed up, honestly! In our world, we've got millions of people with different perspectives, experiences, goals and values; and we all gotta learn to live alongside each other through our differences. Whenever someone imagines they're the main character of their own story, it usually means they can mess up for everyone else pretty badly.
But on the plus sidem, the Hero got a sword that can pierce through any shield!
Now, I know what you're thinking; so we've got ourselves a sword that can pierce any shield, and a shield that can stop any sword... What happens when the sword tries to pierce the shield? Well, I don't know, but here's the thing... In this tournament it really looks like we're gonna find out!
At least it can cut through the mayor of this town pretty well. I've heard he's corrupt. Dunno about that, but clearly he's not corrupt enough that he can pitch himself against someone who wouldn't cut him to confetti in the first round in a tournament in his own town! Honestly, it was kind of a lucky break. What if a bad person had managed to enslave the mayor of this town? Then where would we be?

Both these guys ended up proceeding to the next round, as did the devil that were fighting there as well. Yup. We've got ourselves a Hero and a Devil, and before the finals they will more likely than not have faced off. Kinda makes me feel bad about he finalists that have to follow up this display, but I'm sure that's gonna be great.