The Psychiatric Conference, Part 2 (M,M,C)

Marissa picked up her cup of tea, nursing it in her hands, grateful for the warmth. After a month on a tropical island, Genet’s set felt surprisingly chilly. “By the way, I’m sorry for being underdressed, I had not quite expected this to happen, especially not so… suddenly,” she murmured, acutely aware that she had never met Maeve without wearing professional, or at least business casual attire. Even long after their mentor-mentee relationship had evolved into friendship, the most casual she could remember ever being around her was jeans and a blouse. And here she was, in leggings and a sports top, plucked from the beach. She supposed it was as well that she had not been in a bikini. “My transformations have mostly affected the way I can dress… mandatory cleavage, nipples visible through any fabrics. The last one aligns my arousal with Andy’s, no matter how far we are. That… is challenging. But the one affecting my voice… and I can’t tell you how glad I am to find out it does not work outside the harem… is the hardest one to manage, so far.” She sighed. “It makes my voice arousing to the other women and even to Andy, and the more I speak, the more effective it is.” Shaking her head, she sipped some of her tea. “I need to check what upgrades are available, see if there is a way to reduce its impact.”

“I’d hardly have room to judge you for a lack of modesty,” Maeve reassured her, gesturing up at the boob-window built into her sweater. “Everything I own was reshaped with my first transformation to cover a bit less than it did. Genet assured me that I could buy replacement clothes if I wanted something she hadn’t “upgraded”, but at this point I’d barely be able to afford a single normal outfit.”

Marissa blinked. “It sounds like the BP currency in your season is a significantly scarcer resource than it is on ours. I’m sorry. How have you been holding up with your own transformations?”

“The audience ended up tying this round, and I was given all three of my options. The worst of the three has been Cuddle Therapist. The more personal the conversation the more likely I am to unconsciously try to touch someone and physically comfort them. I can stop myself just fine, but I never notice I’m doing it unless someone points it out. It just feels natural, reasonable, until someone says something and I realize that I’m petting one of my patients like a cat.”

Marissa nodded, hesitating. “I know that must be particularly difficult for you. I’ll make sure to let you know if I notice anything during our conversation. Although I will also pre-emptively mention that I don’t personally mind, within reasonable boundaries, of course.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve had to reassess a number of my preconceived notions, since arriving on the island.”

Maeve nods. “The second one I haven’t really paid attention to. If I try to think about it, I can get visions of the others’ fantasies. It’s there, but it’s not imposing itself. If I could’ve chosen the winner, I would have let that one win.”

“That sounds like a version of what one of the women on my season received. In her case, though, she has an erotic dream every night starring her bedmate, herself, and/or Andy. Last week, she had some trouble with it because she was sleeping in the same bed with two other women, and her dreams became… crowded.” She bit her lip, taking another sip of tea and hoping she wasn’t oversharing. She could feel her cheeks coloring faintly pink, and hoped Maeve would respond, but the older woman remained quiet, lost in thought.

Marissa endured the silence until it started growing uncomfortable, then she asked, “Could I ask about the third one? You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to.”

“The third… restored my fertility back to when I was barely twenty. It was supposed to give me certain desires to have a child, but I haven’t noticed anything more than usual…” Maeve trailed off, sounding like she wasn’t sure what to think of the last, seemingly ineffectual transformation.

Marissa blushed a bit more and nodded. “Perhaps it didn’t take as much as Genet thought. That is good, however… I believe those behavioral compulsions may be the worst types of transformations, often so subtle you don’t notice them until they’re already making themselves felt.” She took another sip of the tea. “In our season, we found out during the last transformation round, after several of the women…” She hesitated, then continued, “had slept with Andy and had unprotected intercourse because of IUDs or other birth control methods, that all birth control methods were actually removed when we came to the island.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to calm herself down. “Considering how many we are and even with a conservative estimate of fertility rates, I suspect at least one woman on the island is likely to be pregnant by now, even if she doesn’t know it yet. Maybe more.” She paused. “The realization has **** me to think about what I want in that regard. I never asked myself if I wanted children or not. You know that my life has barely had time for dating, let alone a steady relationship. But now… I realize I need to figure out what I want from all this, especially if we’re all bound to Andy forever. But you… you shouldn’t have to go through an existential crisis because of a transformation.” She smiled faintly. “I’m happy it didn’t take. I know Harrison put you off from that, and you deserve to have your choice respected.”

Maeve’s introspection with one of the few people that she was used to being personal with was interrupted by a voice they should’ve expected.

“Who’re you?” Aubrey asked, quivering as she saw her m- her idol speaking to the stranger. She felt at her own blonde hair, unable to stop herself from comparing herself to the other woman. She looks like me. My hair, my eyes…but more feminine. Would Richard prefer me like that? How does Maeve know her?

Marissa blinked, caught by surprise, and reflexively slipped into the warm, practiced smile of a therapist, honed over years of practice with men and women who were one bad day away from decisions they would regret forever. “Good morning. I’m Marissa Holt, clinical psychologist.” She stood, offering her hand to the blonde girl who had just arrived, while simultaneously studying her micro-expressions, her tics, her tells for any indication of how best to position herself. “Maeve was my mentor when I finished school, and we’ve been friends since. I…” She hesitated. “I’m also a Contestant on another season of this show, with another Master,” she added, suspecting it might mollify the seemingly hostile girl, “but our Hosts were kind enough to allow us to meet, once we found out we were both in it.”

“So… you’re not here for Richard?” Aubrey needed to confirm.

Marissa shook her head. Ah. Reminds me of someone. “Not at all. I’m only passing by, and I doubt I will even get to meet him before I leave. Besides,” and she couldn’t believe she was saying this with a straight face, even after a month or so on the show, “I’m in a different harem, with a different Master. You know how the harem bond works.” She hesitated, wondering if she could help the girl and Maeve. “Once you’re bound to the Master, you’re bound to them for life.”

Aubrey slightly relaxed. “So, you’re staying here?” She asked Maeve.

The silver haired woman walked forwards and took Aubrey in a firm embrace. “I’ll always be here.” The younger girl went limp in Maeve’s arms, relaxing and becoming as still as a ragdoll as she let Maeve take over. She used a comforting hand to brush Aubrey’s back, again and again as Squishable interacted perfectly with the transformation Maeve had been complaining about just a few minutes ago.

It took a few minutes for Marissa to realize that the transformation Maeve had mentioned before, Cuddle Therapist, had triggered much as the older woman had described. And true to her description of how the transformation worked, Maeve seemed completely unaware of how physical she was being. Marissa was surprised that the other girl had simply gone limp, completely dropping the books that had been in one hand. Perhaps another transformation? “Maeve?” She said delicately, touching the older woman’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Arabella and Genet said that our time is limited.”

Maeve stiffened, realizing just as her hand was about to start another brush what she was doing. She tried to gently separate herself from Aubrey, who took a moment to find her legs again.

“I’m sorry, but she’s right. I’d like to spend a bit more time with her while I can.” She looked down at the books that Aubrey had dropped. She recognized a couple of them, Aubrey had been flipping between them yesterday at breakfast. “You’ve been working on something, right?”

Aubrey nodded.

“Would you want to show me over dinner, after Marissa leaves?”

“Of course! I’d love to show you my research!”

Maeve gave her one fully intentional hug, then motioned for her and Marissa to leave.

“Richard’s mine.” Aubrey gently reminded Marissa on their way out, just in case the unwanted guest forgot.

After they were on the other side of the library’s bubble of silence, Maeve spoke about what happened. “I apologize for that interruption, I’ve been trying to help her since the show started. For now we’ve been focusing on trying to relate better to the other girls.” Dr.Petrov said, as the two of them left the moderately reassured teacher to her reading. “There’s other quiet spots in there, but I don’t want her to feel self-conscious about us being there. Do you want to move to where I’m sleeping this round?”

Marissa waved her hand. “No need to apologize, I understand. Remind me to tell you about Riley, last week’s addition to our group. Or Norah, for that matter. They both make Aubrey look like the soul of courtesy.” She smiled. “Please make sure to let her know I have no interest in Richard, if you think it would help. In that, she reminds me of Erin, one of the other Contestants on my season. Andy’s ex-girlfriend. Although they have reconciled since the show began.” She hesitated, as if unsure whether to say something more, then thought better of it. “Of course, lead the way. The last thing I want to do is repay Genet’s generosity, or add to your workload, by creating discord in the group.”

Maeve opened the coppery door to the Arrow Cottage, revealing the tile patterns that danced across the ceiling. Leading her friend in, she opened the bedroom door so they could sit down. She heard something unexpected on the other side.

“I’m so proud of you.”

“You take such good care of everyone.”

It was Hazel’s voice. The two therapists heard whimpering on the other side of the door.

“Don’t stop. You’re doing so good for me.”

“Unnh.” A higher voice whimpered louder.

“It looks so pretty, doesn't it?”

“Hm? Aren’t you going to answer me, Ma’am?”

“We should go.” Maeve whispered. She started to close the bedroom door. Creak.

It was too late. “Who’s there?” Hazel shouted.

“We need to go.”

Maeve tried to let go of the door and retreat, getting away from her bedroom as fast as she could, but Hazel was there in a flash. She was half dressed, a lavender bra on with her slacks. She seemed mildly frustrated. “Maeve, this really isn’t a great time. I wanted to help her relax after what she had to go through yesterday and we were just getting started. Could you come back in… forty minutes?” Then she spotted the other therapist in the hall and narrowed her eyes. “Marissa Holt?”

Marissa blinked. How did this woman know her? Perhaps Maeve had mentioned her arrival? “Yes, that is me.” She looked at the woman inquisitively. “You have me at a disadvantage,” she continued, “you are… ?”

“Hazel. I work for the Turners.” The other woman answered simply. “This must be important. I’ll see if I can get approval from Ms.Turner to move to her bedroom.”

A few minutes later she emerged, fully dressed, with her boss, who looked flushed. Helena tried to project professionalism, pointedly ignoring the fact that she was on a leash in front of someone who’d never met her before. “Dr.Holt,” she greeted. “You have no connection to Richard, and there was no fanfare for your arrival. I’m assuming this is temporary?”

Marissa quickly catalogued what she was seeing. Woman on a leash - a transformation, most likely. Perhaps she can’t move without it, or something arousal-related? Knows me, but obviously not because Maeve mentioned I was coming. And knows me well enough to recognize me visually without having heard my name. Also knows I have no connection to the Master, here, from prior to the show. “Yes, it is. My Host and Genet were able to align their seasons so I could spend some time with Maeve.” Hard eyes, this one. I can only assume she’s done research on Maeve’s background at some point, before the show. But why? “Dr. Marissa Holt,” she said, extending her hand, waiting to see if the leashed woman would respond. “A pleasure to meet you.”

In the meantime, her brain continued working. The other woman called her Ms. Turner. Congressman Turner isn’t married, so this must be a relative. A sister? No, doesn’t look like him. Stepsister, maybe. Hmm, why would a stepsister run a background check on a psychologist? Either she’s working for him, or trying to protect him. Invading personal spaces, apparently including mine. Marissa wasn’t a fan of personal space violations, or investigating people without cause. But she was professional enough - and cared about Maeve enough - not to let her annoyance show. She made a mental note of discussing this with Maeve once they were alone, though. She hoped her friend was aware of the possibility, but if she wasn’t, Marissa owed it to her to let her know.

“Helena Turner. I'm familiar with you, one of my science advisors approved of your research. Is there anything you need from me?” Ms.Turner accepted the handshake firmly.

“No, thank you. I’m just visiting, and I expect I will be back in my season in a little while. I am sorry we interrupted your meeting. Perhaps we can go somewhere else?” She looked at Maeve inquisitively.

“No, we have another room.” Helena countered, stepping aside to leave the doorway open. “Ready?” She said, stepping close to her bodyguard before the two of them left.

Maeve showed her friend into the Arrow bedroom, gesturing to the glass chairs. “If you’d prefer you can sit on the bed, but given what we heard I’m going to be in one of these.”

Marissa nodded in full agreement, and picked the chair Maeve had left empty. “Well, that was an interesting encounter,” Marissa exhaled as she sat down. “I take it Ms. Turner has investigated you thoroughly, if she could recognize me before you or I could say my name. Is everything okay?” She asked, concerned, hoping her friend was at least already aware.

The older woman sighed. “I found out yesterday, about her file on me. The same collision and series of tragedies I discussed with you that gave Richard his survivor’s guilt impacted her, though she’s only coming to terms with that now. She says she has reason to believe that it happened intentionally, and that it happened because she wasn’t there. Her paranoia has led her to search for threats to and from everyone in her and Richard’s lives.”

Marissa nodded slowly. “I remember you telling me about that collision. The fact that it engendered this level of paranoia is concerning, but if she shared the file she had on you, it is an encouraging sign that perhaps she is coming to recognize that there is something in need of healing. I hope she is not resistant to your help - it sounds like she would benefit greatly from it.”

She hesitated, thinking of the blonde girl in the library and of the two women - Hazel and Helena - she had just met. “You know, aside from the accident that shaped Richard and Helena, your season seems less trauma-focused than mine, although it is possible I simply don’t know enough about the other contestants. But it does make me wonder what the point of it is. See,” She said, adjusting her seat, “I have a working theory that in our season, Arabella sees The HH - that’s the name she uses for it - as a place to help us heal from our traumas. Even wildly radical transformations, like Emi’s six arms or Erin’s enforced nudity, could be seen through the lens of ‘shock therapy’ to kickstart the healing process. I know Andy believes the same, and considering many of the women in the season have probably opened up to him far more than they have to me or to one another, I trust his intuition.” She shrugged. “I don’t know if you were able to watch our season. Some contestants can do so easily, or so I gather from the fanmail we received; in our case, I think Claire is the only one who has watched other seasons. But I would be interested in your opinion, especially since your season does not seem to have the same focus.”

“I see some points in which you could make that argument here, but I don’t know if it’s being done intentionally.” Maeve admitted. “From what I’ve learned some people received transformations emphasizing who they already were, like his friends Ava and Luna- she’s the one that made the library with me. Others seemed to receive transformations that cut against who they were, like Helena or Stella. The first round was incredibly hard on them both. I don’t know where Felicia and I would fit into your theory; both of our original transformations were just growing one body part or another.”

Marissa thought about it. “We’ve had some of those, but later in our season. Did your starting transformations get voted in? In our case, they were assigned by a so-called panel, and now I wonder if this ‘panel’ was just Arabella, knowing exactly what she had to do to push us out of our comfort zones. In my case,” she gestured to the nipples that tented her bra, “these are always like this, and visible no matter what I wear. I thought they were meant to mortify me, but I now think they were meant to be a constant reminder that I cannot be a therapist all the time, and should let myself be a woman from time to time.” She hesitated. “Did Genet give a reason behind the existence of your season, and why she selected Congressman Turner and all of you for it? Perhaps there is a clue there.”

“She made a bet with Richard, in which he would work with her politically if she could get eight women he trusted to support polyamory. She added extra conditions to her victory that we would also need to fall in love with him and be willing to share him. I don’t know of any reason for each of us being chosen beyond his trust in us. Do you mind if I change the topic a little?”

“Not at all. We have a lot to talk about, and I don’t know how much time Genet and Arabella can give us, although I suspect it’s more a matter of Arabella’s needs. Time in our season flows so much faster than in yours. Still, I’m sure the Hosts know how to handle these discrepancies.”

Maeve continued. “Your letters… things seemed to be progressing quickly for you. In the first one you had already renegotiated your relationship with him. In the second you sounded…” She paused, looking for the right word: “Enamored. Can I ask how that happened?”

Marissa felt herself blush.”It’s.. I don’t really know how to explain.” She took a deep breath, focusing on the window, trying to gather her thoughts. “There was always a baseline level of attraction towards Andy when he was my patient, but I never let it get out of hand, and never acted upon it, verbally or otherwise. Had we not been kidnapped, I have no doubt that nothing would have ever happened. My responsibility towards my sister, and the struggle you know I’ve faced to be taken seriously in our field, would have consumed most of my time.” She sighed. “I was fairly resigned to the idea that dating simply would never be in the cards for me.”

Her gaze shifted to Maeve, earnest. “Being kidnapped… changed that. We are on a show where everything is stacked towards ensuring that all the women in the harem become connected to the Master, sexually and romantically, even if the show tends to focus more on the former than the latter. Our season also technically has eliminations for those who cannot achieve 100 Victory Points by the time the show ends, and as you know, it may be nearly impossible to accumulate that much without engaging in… activities with the Master.” She paused. “So I immediately knew I had to let him know I could no longer be his therapist. I didn’t know how everything would pan out, but I needed to be professional, and I needed to protect both him and myself.” Her eyes became distant, for a moment. “I think I started to realize how easily he had drawn me in, on my first date night with him. Andy… he has a way of making everyone feel like they’re the most important person in the world, to him. He genuinely shows interest, not to manipulate or to simply be courteous, but because he carries such a deep hurt, that he recognizes when others are hurt, too, and wishes to help.” She looked down. “I slept with him that night. I wasn’t enamored, of course, but I felt seen. And I felt lonely, worried about my sister, and scared I would be eliminated.”

She shook her head, remembering. “Then we had the first challenge. I don’t know how much Genet told you. But in our first challenge, we had to revisit some of our most important and traumatic memories, and then use them to body paint ourselves in order to show Andy something of us that he did not know. Andy saw those memories we conjured. He saw my sister and I as young girls, and he saw the accident that killed my parents. He saw me becoming responsible for her at a young age, and what that did to my personal life. He saw the struggle I’ve encountered to be taken seriously, professionally, in a world that looks at my body and thinks I must have slept my way in. He… he probably saw more than I wanted to show, but when the floodgates opened… it was hard to stop.” She looked up at Maeve again, eyes glistening. “He took it in, he took everything in, and he cared. He didn’t look at any of us differently. He didn’t tell any of us that it was too much. He… He was humbled by what we showed him. And then… we all feared elimination. Do you know what happens to eliminated contestants? I understand it’s a gruesome fate. Anyway, none of us wanted to go through it, but it was apparently guaranteed. And then… Andy did the impossible. He gamed the system, he put himself on the line, risking Arabella’s punishment or displeasure, to ensure the rankings would be absolutely tied. No winners, and no eliminations. We didn’t know Arabella well. He could have been punished, hurt. I’m sure the Host has discretion, in these cases. He didn’t even know many of us that well, we’d only been there for a week. But he did it. He saved all of us.”

She smiled faintly. “That’s when I realized that even though he had been put in a position of power, even though he had a literal harem of women, even though he could have given into the premise of the game and treated us much differently, here was a man who legitimately put himself in danger, placed himself against a Host with enough power to rewrite reality itself, so that none of us would be hurt. And I realized… This was what I wanted. I wanted someone who cared deeply about me, as a person, not just as a desirable woman. Besides… when I dated, in the past, men would flee the moment they realized my sister would always have to come first. Andy didn’t. And the nature of the harem relationship is such that I can still care for Sarah, and there is no conflict.” She looked at Maeve questioningly. “Andy has a theory that the Harem Hotel is like a pressure cooker, the Hosts throw in ingredients, let the cooker do its work, and see what comes out. He thinks Arabella is very good at picking the right ingredients, as it were. I think it’s not a bad analogy, actually. Maybe that’s what happened.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, that was a rambling answer. Does it make sense?”

The show was strong enough to entangle her and her patient. It was inevitable, but she sounds happier than I’ve ever seen her. Maeve spoke, trying to be careful with her phrasing. “I suppose it does. Genet has so far wanted to offer us privacy, but I imagine being **** to share that deeply and put your trust in him like that… It sounds natural. I’m happy for you.”

Marissa smiled faintly. She could recognize the silences in what Maeve didn’t say, the care with which she selected her words in responding. “You believe I’m going too fast, don’t you? Or that the show is pushing us together.” She laughed. “Or perhaps there’s something in the water.” She took a deep breath. “Maeve, I trust your opinion. I hope you don’t mind me being forward, but… whatever you think, I’d like to know. You are the only one in this crazy game with whom I have a personal connection, who knows me as a person and not just as a therapist, from before we both came here. I would prefer not to keep things under wraps, if we can avoid it. I don’t know if or when we’ll have another chance to meet, before the end of our shows. Course corrections will be too late, then. If we don’t help each other now, the next time we meet, either of us - or both - may regret it.”

“I really am happy for you.” Maeve reassured her. “It just… scares me.”

Marissa blinked. She couldn’t remember Maeve ever admitting to being scared. “Because of what it may mean for the relationship between you and Congressman Turner?”

“Yes.” She admitted. “After Harrison, I don’t know how I can try again. I know it’s inevitable, I’ve seen it happening with some of the others, but the idea of indulging in that sort of romance, especially with someone who relies on me so much, the process worries me. I’m scared of shrinking again.”

“I understand,” Marissa nodded slowly, “It’s a difficult situation, and knowing it’s inevitable does not make it any easier. And I can understand the fear of shrinking again, especially when the other party is a public figure who has the spotlight by nature of what he does.” She leaned forward, offering her hand in comfort, knowing Maeve too well to actually place her hand on Maeve’s. “What concerns you the most about the concept? From what you said earlier, Genet is not looking for a relationship built on sex, but on actual love and romance.”

“I don’t fully know myself. I almost think it’d be easier if it was just pressure to have sex. I could put out enough to satisfy the audience and then go back to what I was. Or close enough at least.”

Marissa nodded hesitantly. “Is that what you would prefer?”

“Maybe. It would be easier, having Petrov to retreat to.” Maeve laughed, though it sounded pained. “It always feels strange, being on this side of therapy. I need to stop cancelling my sessions with Dr.Tomlinson.”

Laughing, Marissa found herself agreeing. “I know what you mean. I essentially stopped seeing Dr. Richards last year, and I’m fairly sure I will need to restart that, when we get back to the real world.” Her mirth fading, she turned her gaze on Maeve, softly. “I can understand why you would feel that retreating behind Petrov would be easier. I must admit it is how I often felt before coming to The HH. Dr. Holt is a familiar mask to wear, and it makes it easier not to be hurt. What concerns you the most about being pushed or drawn into a romantic relationship, particularly with Congressman Turner, that might cause that shrinking you have mentioned before?”

“It’s nothing specific to him, any more than it’d be specific to any of my other patients.” Maeve was getting uncomfortable by now. “I know you’re trying to help, but could we change the subject?”

Marissa hesitated, then nodded, noticing Maeve’s discomfort. “Of course. But if I can give you one piece of advice? I know it's hard to talk about Harrison and how he affected you. But it would be helpful, I think, if you discussed at least parts of this, and your concerns, with Congressman Turner and at least those contestants to whom you feel closest. It would prevent misunderstandings and, perhaps, ensure proper boundaries are set before any further movement occurs. Do you think you could do that?”

“I suppose so. His friend that I mentioned, Luna, has been a bit easier to talk to than I’m used to. A few days before the challenge, she…asked me out.”

Marissa was surprised, but her professional training helped mask her reaction when Maeve mentioned being asked out. “I see. Is it something you would consider?”

She slowly nodded. “I told her that I was willing to try it, but that I needed time. She paid for the library after I told her that, saying that she wanted somewhere I could focus on myself.”

Marissa nodded, sympathetic. “That was a kind gesture on her part. Perhaps she could be the best person to initially approach to discuss boundaries. And you said she's been a long-time friend of Congressman Turner, so she could help you figure out how best to approach him on this.”

“I suppose telling her would be important to becoming serious.”