Intermission: The Psychiatric Conference, Part 3

The older woman tried to change the topic. “You mentioned you were becoming closer to some of the members of your group? The name Erin’s come up a few times.”

Marissa nodded. Maeve had never felt too comfortable discussing personal topics,even with those who, like Marissa, she felt closer to than most. She adjusted her glasses and hesitated. “Yes. Much like yourself, I'm helping where I can, but there are some of the other women with whom I have established stronger bonds. Claire, for instance. We shared our room for the first round. Quiet, but incredibly smart. Lost her voice in the first transformation, in exchange for being able to constantly sense Andy's emotions. And yes, Erin. Andy's ex- girlfriend, although they reconciled. She had a harsh series of transformations, the one from the second challenge, Au Natural, left her permanently naked, and now she’s a plant.” She paused. “To be honest, I'm struggling a little with these connections, right now. Andy is closer to these two women than everyone else in the harem. And I know I will field questions from those who wonder if it's fair, that he may love Claire or Erin more than, say, Dawn or…” She bit her lip. “Or myself, for that matter. I know it's natural, that he can't love everyone the same way. But seeing it in practice…” she let the sentence go unfinished, blushing slightly, wondering if she had said too much.

“What does that look like, in your eyes? How is his relationship with those two different from you or Dawn?”

Marissa's lips curled upwards slightly. “Shoe's on the other foot, I see.” She took a deep breath. “I'm not sure how to describe it. Part of it is certainly the connection. Erin is the only one of us who actually dated him for a long time, even lived with him. Neither one ever got over the breakup, and since reconciling, they have an… ease around one another that no other contestant has.” She paused. “Claire is different. Never dated Andy because she never realized he liked her. But her first transformation gave her that bond, she always knows how he's feeling. She upgraded it,so now he senses her feelings too. And I believe there's something they found in each other. An… emotional intimacy, for lack of a better term, that is more immediate than words can say.” She looked at Maeve. “It's not just me or Dawn. All the other women have their connection to him, but it's more fragile, or more ancillary.”

This Claire that she’s worried about, she can read his feelings? Marissa’s always been good at putting herself into other people’s shoes… “How do you think Claire would describe Andy and Dawn’s relationship?”

"Claire sometimes tells me—tells us—what Andy feels when he looks at us. She says that Andy loves all of us, the shape of that love differs, but not the substance. I know this, and I know that love can't be quantified, but still, the emotional connection he has with Claire and Erin is much stronger than the one he has with any of the others." She paused. "I suppose there's a concern about precedent. Claire told me once of a fear she has, as irrational as it can be: that if Andy's first love, the girl whose passing caused his trauma, had ever survived and were with us on the show, Andy would love her so much that the rest of us would be forgotten. I don't believe this, but I would have no doubt in that scenario that he would feel closest to her,even more so than Claire and Erin. I..." She bit her lip, seeking the right words. "I don't want to see women becoming jealous of those who are perceived as closer to Andy."

“When she tells you that the substance of your relationship is the same, what do you think makes you doubt it? Is it that you think she’s mistaken, or do you think she’s trying to spare your feelings?” Maeve asked.

"I do not doubt that Andy may love all -or most- of us, each in her own way. I suppose my concern lies about what if the shape that love takes for one of us is perceived as 'lesser' compared to the closeness he has with others?" She paused. "That is a concern I expect to hear about from the others, but there is one more. We've only been together for three rounds and already, love abounds. In this environment, who is to say that the substance won't also change, over the upcoming rounds?" She looked at Maeve. "I admit some of these are my own concerns, but I also greatly wish to be prepared if and when some of the other women express these fears to me."

“I think if you do get those questions, or if your own worries grow, you should try to remember to put things under a more balanced framework.” Maeve suggested. “I think your friend Claire is right when she says that it’s more a matter of shape than substance. Who is Andrew’s favorite is likely to lead to jealousy and hurt feelings, whether or not any conclusions people draw are true. Is my relationship with Andrew satisfying is more productive. If the answer is ever No, then it’s a matter of going to him and explaining what you need. Does that make sense?”

Marissa nodded. “Yes, it does. Thank you. It can be hard to keep some distance when the issue is so personal and may affect you as well.” She smiled. “I'm glad we could talk. I've missed you.”

Maeve felt a buzz from her skirt pocket. “I’m sorry, do you mind if I check my phone?”

Marissa startled when the phone buzzed, then laughed. “By all means! I'm sorry, none of us has seen or used a phone since the beginning of the show. There is something to be said for **** digital detox, I suppose.”

Sorry to rush you two, but can you get your friend over? With the speed Arabella’s season runs, we need to get Marissa back before we get desynced again. She read it out loud. “I’m sorry we couldn’t have longer.”

Sighing, Marissa shook her head. “No, I understand. I wish we could have had some more time, but honestly, I’m grateful we even had this much. I just wish there was something more I could do to help you.” She looked at Maeve, her eyes slightly wet. “I miss talking with you. I’m glad we can at least write to each other, but it’s not quite the same. And with our seasons having such different speeds, I don’t know how often we’d be able to correspond anyway.” She hesitated. “I hope we both make it through this whole social experiment mostly intact.”

“I don’t know how long it’ll be for you with the delay, but I’ll write to you with updates on Luna?” The older woman offered, standing up and offering a hand to help up Marissa.

Marissa took her hand, stood, then impulsively reached out and hugged Maeve. Suddenly, the enormity of what they both were going through, and the likelihood that by the time they met again, they would no longer be the same women they were now, hit her like a ton of bricks. “Please do,” she murmured, “and if you ever need anything… anything at all… let me know. I’ll strong-arm Arabella until I can get back to you, if you need me.”

Maeve held her mentee tightly, and even after they both let go held her hand as they walked out of the Arrow Cottage, and past the fountain with the swan towards the Dining Hall. They came back up the stairs and Genet opened the door to her apartment, having been watching on the cameras and waiting for them both to arrive.

The rubenesque woman beamed as they came back in. “Thank you again for coming, we really did love having you. I’d have an extra spot readied for dinner if I could, but we need to make sure you get back before time starts speeding up again back at your home set.” The room had filled with the scent of rosemary while they’d been out.

Marissa nodded with a sigh, **** to release Maeve’s hand. “I understand. Thank you for making this happen, I imagine it must not have been easy to sync the seasons.” She hesitated, looking at her friend. “I suppose it's unrealistic to hope we might be able to do this again, even if only once more, before the seasons end?” She looked at Genet hopefully. “Perhaps on our set, since time flows faster there and it might be easier to have some time without stressing you or Arabella?”

Genet frowned, never liking to say no when she didn’t have to. “We’ll see. If there’s a quiet moment for both of you in the future, I can have my great-nephew check with her. We go back a long time.” Trying to move on from the possibility of disappointment, she pointed at the door. A red mist like the one that had wrapped itself around Maeve the evening the season started curling towards the door, carrying the aroma of kitchen spices that opened the door for them.

Marissa gave a small sigh, then turned to Maeve and hugged her. “Be careful, okay? And write me about… that issue… or if you need to talk. Arabella lets us get letters outside of fanmail, I know Andy has semi-regular correspondence with another season. I'll try to help as I can, I promise.” She turned to Genet. “Thank you again. I suppose there isn't anything I can do to express my gratitude?”

“Just one thing. Please deliver this to Ara for me? I remember she liked this a few years ago.” Genet asked, pulling a bottle of perfume and a small chocolate from a bag that Marissa hadn’t noticed her carrying.

Marissa nodded, accepting the bottle and the chocolate. “I'll be happy to. I'm sure Arabella will have ways of getting presents of her own back to you.” She turned to Maeve. “Thank you for everything. I hope you can find happiness here. And that we can get together and laugh about it all back home,once the shows are over.”

The silver haired woman gave Marissa one more sideways hug to avoid disturbing her delivery, then took a step back. “I’ll try to write. Whether or not we can do this again, I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks on the other side.”

Marissa nodded, and with a last grateful glance at Genet, stepped into the red mist that curled around her as she approached the door. The mist obscured her view when she turned to look at Maeve and Genet, allowing her only to glimpse the silhouettes of the two women before the door closed.Marissa took a step forward in the strange hallway, and suddenly the mist parted, revealing the brightly lit surroundings of the beach where she had been exercising when Arabella had taken her. The Host stood two steps ahead of her, and she reached out to help steady Marissa as she stumbled on the suddenly soft sand.

“I hope your meeting with Maeve was enjoyable,” Arabella said kindly, accepting the gifts Marissa proffered, “and while I am sorry we could not give you more time, I am sure you will speak again.” She paused, studying Marissa with emerald eyes, “Did the meeting help at all?”

Marissa hesitated, then nodded, glancing back to the empty air where once a door to Genet’s set had stood. “Yes,” she said, already missing her friend and mentor, but grateful at least that, if she had to be on Harem Hotel, she had been chosen by a kindly Host. “I think it did. Both of us.” She turned to the Host. “Thank you, Arabella. I won’t forget this.”

Arabella smiled. “I am glad. And it is my pleasure, Marissa. Should you wish to write Maeve at a later juncture, I will be glad to forward the letters to Genet. And by the time the shows end, you will no doubt have the chance to reconnect and discuss.” She gestured theatrically towards the lawn, and the glittering resort at the end of the stone path. “Shall we go back?”

Marissa nodded and followed Arabella up the path, glancing one more time at the empty beach, and whispering, “Good luck, Maeve. I’ll see you on the other side.”