Ronnie

Ruby spun her hands around the table and the suits and ranks flew off the cards and began to swirl all over again, like a small cyclone. This time the girls were ready when they shot out, though not all were eager to have them slap in again. Luciana reached out and tried to grab at a flying Ace, but Al grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back down into her seat.

“Easy there, Mrs. Miyagi, no need to impress us with your kung-fu reflexes. Just let the deal play out.”

“Kung fu? The name of the movie is Karate Kid, for fuck’s sake.” Sarah complained. No one else seemed perturbed about Al’s cultural ignorance, so Sarah just let the cards do their thing.

Ronnie clenched her teeth as she was smacked in the forehead again. She scratched at the sudden sensation, but naturally, it wouldn’t come off. She watched as the others received theirs - Luciana and Sarah looking annoyed at the experience, though for the latter that just seemed to be her natural state. Janet managed to duck hers on its first pass, and it had to swing back around twice more before it could stick. While everyone else continued to struggle briefly with their new marks, Ronnie caught Vivian’s eye and saw the same calculations spinning in her head as in Ronnie’s own.

Vivian nodded softly, and Ronnie returned it, a recognition between two players that each regarded the other a threat. Worthy of respect.

The hosts have been trying to pit us against each other, and I’ve been taking that bait as much as anyone. Stupid, Ronnie, stupid. You of all people should know better. Remember who the real threats are. Ronnie’s eye traveled to the hosts, their television artifice spackled over their sinister truth.

Once the cards had been distributed, there was a moment of suspicion as the women looked around at each other. Sizing each other up was going through most of their minds too, apparently. The helpful image again appeared on screen to show what each woman had drawn:

The phrase “hanging on by fingernails” ran through Ronnie’s head.

I’m in the hand now, but I have the lowest card on the board.

“Alright, ladies, you can now make your selections. You may speak with the other girls to plan your moves.” Ruby said. She lay out seven cards face down on the board, and the names appeared on the back, indicating the order in which they would be played - lowest to highest, Danica to Vivian. “Once you have decided what you want to do, tap the back of this card three times and it will record your move.”

“From our minds?” Janet asked.

“Yes, dear. We can do that here.” Ruby said, in a lamenting tone. Sometimes. Ronnie thought. She wished she could read the hosts’ minds. Ruby’s anyway. What is the deal with the teams? Why do it this way in this year?

“Is there a time limit?” Vivian asked.

“You’ll know when it’s time.” Al jibed. He snapped his fingers, and Ronnie felt a sharp buzzing sensation through her body. In her mind, it was annoying and distracting and seemed to get more annoying and distracting as she tried to think through the moves she could make. Ronnie tried to relax and calm herself to clear her mind, but the buzzing sensation just made its way south… Great, the longer we strategize, the dumber and hornier we get. Make your move fast or you might be too much of a bimbo to make a smart move at all.

The eight of them pushed away from the table, and looked around to figure out who to cajole, threaten, haggle with, or beg first. Mallory, Danica, and Janet immediately huddled up, their little clique remaining strong. Danica looked flustered before the game even started, so Ronnie wondered how badly this additional stimuli would pile on. Michael looked like he was going to offer advice, but backed off. He was still erect and Ronnie had to pull her eyes away from it to focus upon the game itself. But it was difficult.

Fortunately, Luciana made the first move towards Ronnie, gently but firmly putting her hand on Ronnie’s arm to lead them away from the table for a moment to chat.

“So, pair buddy. We sticking with this or what?” She asked.

I don’t think that’s a great idea. Ronnie thought. I’m no poker whiz, but I’ve been to the casino off Canal Street enough to know that a low pair is ****. Anyone else forms a pair and both of us are kicked out.

“Maybe…” Ronnie said noncommittally.

“Look at the board,” Luciana said. “No one is gonna take our cards, that would be crazy. They’re gonna chase those Kings.”

“If anyone pulls a higher pair, we’re out.”

“What are the chances of that?” Luciana asked. There was a long pause while Ronnie considered the numbers, but Luciana continued. “No, seriously, what are the chances? I fucking hate math.”

“With two rounds?” Ronnie said. “Probably… low.” She said, still fighting to think through the increasing buzzing. If Luciana doesn’t move, then that eliminates one variable. She’d play after me, so I’d only have to worry what Sarah and Vivian do.

“Right, 3rd and 4th suck, I get it.” Luciana said. “But we stay put here, and we’re through to the next challenge.”

“You’re ahead of me on the scoreboard,” Ronnie said.

“I get it, but you’ve got to play the long game.” Luciana said. Ronnie raised an eyebrow at that. “Ok, maybe the wrong term to use, all I’m saying is that we just need to avoid that X. I like my ass the way it is.”

“...Sure.” Ronnie said, putting her ‘poker face’ back on.

“Are we together on this?” Ronnie didn’t answer, but Luciana appeared to accept it anyway when Ronnie followed her back to the table. Luciana triple-tapped the card, and shuddered. “Fuck, that tingles.” She walked away to collect herself, leaving Ronnie standing over the array of cards. Ronnie noticed the others still talking, but Vivian had decidedly turned her body to observe, without looking too obvious about it. Sarah kept looking around suspiciously, settling on Vivian as the most likely culprit for whatever she feared. There was some initial interest as Luciana and Ronnie approached the table, but when Luciana tapped and the table didn’t explode, the others lost interest. Ronnie double-tapped the card and stepped away, pretending to make her play but giving herself a little more time to think about her play. The clock on the wall continued to tick, and the buzzing in her brain became louder. Ronnie saw the others rubbing their temples as it affected them too. Danica, however, had closed her eyes and was softly shuffling her thighs. She’s got to be melting. Ronnie fought not to make a similar tell and give away that she was still in play.

With Luciana breaking the ice, a few of the others apparently made their selections as well. Sarah and Danica moved forward and made their selections. Ronnie looked at Michael, who was watching Danica with obvious concern. But still he did not approach her. Trying to stay neutral, I’d guess. It would undo all that soul-baring if he turned around and took sides.

Mallory and Janet were off together speaking quietly. Ronnie couldn’t make out what they were saying, but based on her read of them, it looked like Mallory was trying to convince Janet to do something. Quite assertively. They were both growing increasingly agitated, though Mallory, per usual, responded by pressing forward and Janet by turtling in.

What would Mallory stand to gain by Janet’s move? Ronnie pondered. Janet’s got a Queen and there are Kings on the table, maybe Mallory thinks we could form a straight? That would push her to the top. Ronnie watched Mallory’s increasing energy, but Janet’s body language closed up in response to this. What could she be asking for? A trade? Danica wouldn’t steal from either of them, so it would go through before any of us above them could take it. If she trades with Janet, Janet keeps the Ace, some sucker steals from Mallory and gets the Queen instead. Then trade back?

Whatever their plan was, it didn’t seem like Janet was buying it. She shook her head and triple-tapped her card, locking in her choice. Looking a little flustered by that failure, Mallory followed her and locked in her own.

That leaves Vivian and me. Ronnie and Vivian locked eyes, their look communicating everything. Vivian has the strongest card, she has to know it's going to be stolen. So what option does that leave me? Stay with Luciana and pray? Draw?

Ronnie stared back at Vivian, the two matching wills for a moment. Ronnie could see Vivian’s knuckles growing white as she tried to keep the distracting buzzing off her face. We can stand here until ours heads pop. Ronnie thought. Breaking the duel, Ronnie quickly triple-tapped the card and felt a wave of relief as the droning stopped, and drawing a surprised grunt from Luciana. She’ll get over it. Ronnie thought.

With Vivian last, she casually made her play, and the group sat down for the reveal. Ruby and Al stepped forward and began emoting towards the invisible cameras again.

“And all our babes are locked into their choices!” Al said. “Starting from the bottom, let’s see what each of them chose!”

He pointed to Danica’s card, and it flipped to reveal the elegant script reading: Steal from Vivian

“Going straight for it, huh?” Al said, with a smile. I don’t know if he’s happy because it's a bad move, or because it’s two of Ruby’s girls attacking each other. Could be both. Ronnie’s balled her fists, driving her nails into her palm to give her something else to focus upon other than her intense disgust at the man.

Vivian stayed silent, either wholly unsurprised by this move or unwilling to give it away. She’s always a move ahead, or she thinks she is.

“It seemed like the right play.” Danica said.

“Time will tell.” Ruby said. The group leaned in as Danica’s card began to glow white and burn away, causing Danica to rub at it but ultimately leaving no marks. The King of Hearts peeled off of Vivian’s body and flew over to Danica’s, her Five of Diamonds fading off her skin and disappearing. Vivian’s card was replaced by the Ten of Clubs.

“Danica moves to the top of the hand!” Ruby said, possibly prematurely. “Now for our next player, Janet!”

Janet’s card flipped to reveal: Draw.

“Wait, you drew a card?” Sarah asked, incredulous. “That’s just getting you an extra transformation!”

“That’s what I said!” Mallory threw up her hands.

“I didn’t want to start any drama.” Janet said. “I’ll just take a new card.” Her Queen of Hearts disappeared, and another symbol flew off the main deck of cards to replace it: The Five of Spades.

“Ooof, that puts you in last.” Ruby said, giving Al a cheeky wink.

“For now.” He grumbled. “Let’s see what her smarter friend did.” Al patted Mallory on the shoulder and she leaned away to avoid any further contact. “I doubt you hear that a lot, so savor it.” Al flipped over Mallory’s card to reveal: Stay.

“See? Smart.” Al added. “Keep the strongest card and let the hand come to you.”

“Or let it pass you by.” Ruby said. “Rhonda, let’s see yours.”

Ronnie’s card flipped just like the others: Steal from Sarah

“Woah! Now we’re getting somewhere!” Al rubbed his hands together, suddenly manic with energy. Ronnie’s stomach flipped at the thought that her success made him happy… but that wasn’t going to stop her from playing to win.

“What the hell?!?” Sarah threw up her hands.

“Yeah, what the hell?” Luciana backed her up. “Pair buddies!?”

“It wouldn’t work, Luciana, I would have been left out. And I couldn’t steal Vivian’s, because I guessed that someone else would first, and I was right.” Ronnie said. “No one else improved my position.”

“Quit givin’ away your strategy,” Al said.

“It’s not personal.” Ronnie ignored Al’s protests in an attempt to mollify Sarah and Luciana. “It’s a competitive game.” That seemed to calm Luciana, but Sarah continued to gripe.

“I. Fucking. Hate. Poker!”

“Well we had an auto race planned, but seeing as your ride is a smoldering crater out front, it’s better than the alternative.” Al said. “Besides, you already got a free tattoo from the hotel, what’s one measly X gonna do?”

Sarah’s King flew to Ronnie, and was replaced by the Eight of Spades. “Worthless piece of shit card…” Sarah tried to rub it off, as if that would accomplish anything.

“Moving on!” Ruby said, jabbing Al to do his job.

“Look, I think we all figured out what meathead was gonna do.” Al said, jabbing his finger at Luciana’s card. It flipped over to reveal: Stay. “See?” Al said. “She tried to make a little deal with Rhonda-baby over there, and got screwed. Funny how people can get screwed when they try to make secret deals, isn’t it Ruby?”

Luciana looked around to see if anyone made sense of that, but every other contestant’s face looked just as confused. Except Vivian. Ronnie thought, She looks like she’s faking. Ronnie filed that away. Maybe there was more to unpack there, but she needed to survive this game to find out.

“I guess it’s my turn then,” Sarah reached for her own card, but yelped and pulled her hand away as if it had shocked her.

“Leave the hosting to us, sweetcheeks.” Al said. “But she’s right, Rubes, it’s her turn.”

“That it is.” Ruby flipped over Sarah’s card: Stay

“Didn’t see it coming.” Al shook his head. “She should be used to that, no one’s seen Sarah coming for quite a long time!” His laughter bellowed and she didn’t even bother to flip him the well-deserved bird in response.

“Now, for our final play of the first round…” Al said, drumming his fingers on the edge of the table. Ruby, annoyed at his delay, pushed him aside and flipped Vivian’s card herself: Steal from Danica.

“I knew she’d steal from someone,” Vivian didn’t shrug, but her voice did enough of it regardless. “Thanks for keeping it warm for me.”

The King of Hearts peeled off of Danica and flew back to Vivian. A new card emerged from the stack and attached itself to Danica…

“Woah-ho!” Al said. “Danica pulls the Four of Spades and we’ve got a huge shake-up in the hand!”

Well….. FUCK. Ronnie thought. She looked over at her fellow King, and saw Vivian’s face immediately drop from casual smugness to **** annoyance. When Vivian looked back and saw Ronnie, both of them couldn’t help but shake their heads and laugh. All our little moves, and here we sit on the bottom.

Maybe there’s a lesson in that.