The Phantom Premiere

Jason continued to stare incredulously at the floating blue woman, struggling to comprehend what it was he was even looking at, until he looked down at her legs… or lack thereof.

“How are you doing that?” he blurted out in bewilderment.

“Doing what?” she asked, the mock anger melting off her face as it morphed into a look of genuine confusion.

Jason gestured vaguely at her lower half. “Uh, you know… like… floating there… and stuff.”

She glanced down at her form, as if seeing it for the first time. “Oh! That.” Her smile returned, “I'm a ghost silly! But that should be the last thing on your mind right now! You’re on Harem Hotel, the multiverse's hottest reality dating show!”

Unfortunately, that was far from the last thing on Jason's mind.

“WAIT!” Jason shouted, his eyes like saucers, staring more intently at the mysterious lady than he had at anything in his life.

“You... you mean to tell me that you are a ghost? Like a real-life ghost?”

“Well, I wouldn't say real ‘life’, but otherwise yeah that's exactly what I meant.”

“But I can see you.”

“Well, duh, I'm right here!”

“But I’ve never seen a ghost before. I mean, I could always sense them in some way or another, but never have I seen one with my own eyes.”

She twirled lazily in the air again, misty lower half swirling beneath her. “Look, Jay, can I call you Jay?” Jason began to open his mouth in protest, but was swiftly cut off, “No? Great. Look, Jay. You couldn’t see ghosts before because you were tuned to the wrong frequency. It's like trying to watch cable over the radio.”

“That doesn't make any sense,” he muttered.

She grinned. “Of course it doesn’t.”

“But you don't have to think about that, you’re a ghost too now! Tuned into cable with the rest of us!”

Jason opened his mouth. Closed it, then reopened it.

“Wait,” he said slowly. “I’m a ghost now, as in dead?”

Jocelyn clapped her hands with mock delight. “There it is! Ding ding ding! He finally gets it, folks! Took him long enough, but he’s here!”

She did a quick aerial somersault and landed floating upside down, her hat still perfectly balanced despite that.

“No,” he whispered. “No, I-I would’ve felt it. I’d know. There’d be a light, a tunnel, or-or I’d remember it, or... something.” his words trailed off as his panicked thoughts took over.

Jocelyn gently floated closer, her tone softening slightly. “Yeah, you’d think that. But this isn’t any normal ****. No siree,” she said, wagging her finger in his face, “You didn’t just die and drift off into the aether like most, but also you weren’t one of the unlucky few left behind to haunt somewhere… or someone.” She rotated her body slowly as she spoke, until she was upright once again.

“You were intercepted,” she declared while placing the cane on his forehead.

“Huh- Intercepted? By you?”

The blue woman gasped, placing a hand dramatically to her chest. “By me? Oh, heavens no. I'm just your humble host.” She gave an exaggerated bow with that statement.

Jason narrowed his eyes. “Then who are you?”

“Jocelyn,” she said smoothly, the name curling off her tongue with a faintly British lilt.

Jason blinked slowly. “This can’t be happening.”

“Sure it can,” she said cheerily. “You’re just in post-mortem denial; it’ll pass.”

“…But we are on a bit of a schedule.” She added with a hint of urgency

Jason blinked. “A schedule for what?”

She lifted her cane and held it aloft for a second before replying. “The show darling, we’ve been over this already.”

Just as she was done talking, a vibrant smile appeared on her face, and at the same time, she slammed her cane down onto the ground.

Suddenly, Jason felt dizzy; he bent over, his vision blurring. Just as he reached up to rub his eyes, the discomfort dissipated, and he looked back up from the floor only to find his surroundings completely changed from before. Gone were the Bright colors of the gilded hotel lobby; now he found himself on a stage in front of rows and rows of empty seats. In fact, he was somehow seated down himself, on a large (and incredibly comfortable) sofa, to his left was a row of 6 much less comfortable-looking stools. He squinted to get a better look around the rest of the room when, out of nowhere, over the top, brassy music started assaulting Jason's ears, accompanied by a bright spotlight shining down to **** his eyes too.

Jocelyn appeared beside him with a flash and cleared her throat before reaching her arms up in the air. “Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between, to an all-new series of Harem Hotel! And boy, have we got a special one for you today folks!” She announced her intro with a wink and a twirl of her cane.

“My name,” she pauses and tips her dainty top hat, “is Jocelyn, and I will be your host for this one-of-a-kind season, starring our new master, Ghost hunter: Jason Wendell!”

She drew out his name for longer than he was comfortable hearing it, all while doing jazz hands in his direction. But that wasn’t what annoyed him the most, oh no, that would be—

“For the last time, I am NOT a ghost hunter, I am a paranormal investigat—“ in an instant, Jason found himself unable to talk, his irritation still clearly visible on his face, but a mix of confusion and panic was quickly replacing it.

“Now there’ll be plenty of time for that later sweetie. For now, how about you introduce yourself, m’kay?” she said softly as she lifted her cane off his head.

The instant the cold metal left his forehead, he felt his neck jerk towards what he assumed was where the cameras were, and without any thought of his own, he started speaking.

“My name is Jason Wendell, I’m 27 years old, and I spend most of my time trying to find definitive proof of the paranormal. I have been very unsuccessful in my efforts. I have almost no sexual experience and struggle to relate to the women I meet; they just don’t get how important my work is. I have no strong preferences for a prospective partner, but I am drawn to a larger ass and thighs.”

The second he was done talking and realized he’d regained control, he threw his hand up to cover his mouth.

“Well, there you have it folks, all you need to know about our new master. But enough about him, it's almost time for the part you have all been waiting for!” Just as she said it, a little bit of confetti flew out from the darkness and fluttered down around them.

Jason wasn’t listening in the slightest; in fact, he was completely lost in thought

Oh my God. Did I just seriously say all of that? In front of her? And if she isn’t lying, I just announced all that on live television, crap, what if Steph sees this? How do I explain any of it? Wait, how would I be on television if I'm dead? Oh God am I really—

“But first!” Jocelyn’s voice cut through his thoughts like a knife.

She held her cane up, pointing it at the ceiling as she spoke. “One small note about the nature of this season, and more specifically our contestants, because you see they aren’t your ordinary bunch of gals, ripped from the master's list of friends and acquaintances, oh no no no.”

Jason listened intently, wondering who these “contestants” were and what it was they were even competing for

“There simply wouldn't be nearly enough people for a season if we used our normal criteria, so we have something a little special planned for tonight’s broadcast!” She finished with a hint of playful mischief in her tone.

“Today’s contestants will all be…” pause for drumroll

“Ghosts!” She declared, “Or more specifically, a small selection of the very ghosts our master over here has hunted!”

Jason’s face grew irritated at the words used, but not before an excited chill ran through his body at the thought of getting to meet some of the anomalies he investigated.

“Yep, that’s right folks,” Jocelyn continued, “we have 6 beautiful spectral ladies in the lineup, all here to compete for the master's heart along with any wish they may desire. Plus, as an added bonus for this season, every contestant who earns over 100VP will be brought back to life at the end of the show! No strings attached!” The sound of clapping and cheering played all around her despite the lack of a live audience.

“So now… with all that out of the way, let’s finally introduce our first contestant! Mika Tanaka!"