The Next Privileged Shoplifter

So it came to the day I dreaded, usually I worked nights but today I had to do my once in every two weeks morning shift. Normally i’m still in bed when the store opens for the day, so you could imagine how dopey I felt when the few shoppers waiting outside began coming in when the doors were unlocked. Maybe that helped me spot her in all her glory. She was a blonde dressed in a happy face t-shirt, jean jacket and a taupe skirt. Something told me that she wasn’t your usual Feeler’s shopper so I kept my eyes on her.

And lo and behold a little after ten thirty, I saw her put a pair of panties on that she just removed from the rack. She looked around, waited five minutes before trying to make her way to the front door. I intercepted her and escorted her to the loss prevention office and left her to stew in her own guilt for a half hour while watching the early lunch crowd from the local high school, which apparently has more sense than their college brethren.

So a little after eleven thirty, I went in and was immediately inundated with her asking me to let her go and of course the classic, I’ve done nothing wrong! So I decided right there and then that I was going to be in charge of our interview.

“Why don’t you start by telling me your name?”

“Andrea, Andrea McCormick!"

Then I went for the obvious question and like the privileged moron she feels she is she comes right out and answers it truthfully!

“So where did you get the panties you have on?”

“From the display at the lingerie counter when I realized that I left home without any on!” Then a pause and “Why is that the reason I’m here?, For Fuck’s sake they are only five dollar underwear, is that a crime?”

I placed my hands on her shoulders as she wanted to continue her tirade.

“Well as hard as this be to believe it is, well at least to the penal code of the state that is!”

Then she really let herself appear to be privileged, “Well then why don’t I just take them off and give them back to you and we can let things drop. There’s no need to bring the police in on this!”

“Well that’s the problem for all I know you might have other contraband under that skirt!”