The Most Unlikely Person Possible - Connie Springer

(All characters are over the age of 18)

Connie kicked the sand angrily. It wasn't just the cadet training that pissed him. Sure it was hard, but it was hard for everybody. No, he was angry because... well he was lonely.

For most his life, Connie had lived in a backwater village with less than 30 people. When he joined the cadets, he was overwhelmed by the amount of people he saw. Specially the girls. The cadets were filled with hot girls, but he quickly realized to his dismay that none were interested in him.

Like literally all the guys in the 104th cadet corps, Connie's eyes were drawn at first to Mikasa and Annie, easily the two most beautiful girls Connie had seen in his life, though it didn't take long for him to realize that he had zero chance of getting with either of them. Annie was colder than a dead fish and Mikasa was obsessed with Eren, thought the idiot never seemed to notice her affection, and if he did, he ignored it. Maybe he didn't like girls. Maybe that's why he spends so much time with Armin, Connie thought before laughing humorlessly.

Connie considered Sasha for a time. Maybe she's not as hot as Annie or Mikasa, but she's still cute, and much more easier and fun to hang out with. But that plan quickly failed when Sasha began to treat him like her little brother.

And so today, he thought to try out his luck with Christa. She was very cute, and so polite and friendly that Connie thought if he asked for a date, she wouldn't be able to refuse. Then, on their date, he would charm her, get more dates, become her boyfriend and finally get laid. At least that was the plan. But when the moment finally came, that bitch Ymir, who's always hovering around Christa like some kind of ghost, ceaselessly made fun of him, specially about the shape of his head.

Connie subconsciously rubbed his almost bald head and angrily kicked the sand again. Just his luck. It seems that he was to stay a virgin for the long years of training, just like his years in the village as well.

But then Connie noticed something glittering in the sand. He picked it up. That's strange. Cadets aren't even allowed to wear jewelry. Maybe some higher up who visited dropped it here, Connie thought as held up a pair of gold earrings...

I have no idea about what I'm doing, Connie thought as he walked to the training grounds, a pair of golden earrings glittering in his ears. Soldiers were forbidden from wearing jewelry, and besides, it looked absolutely ridiculous on him. He knew that what he was doing is just asking for punishment. So why do it? Maybe he was in a rebellious mood. Maybe he wanted to see a vein popping out of Commander Keith.

Connie was surprised that no one made a comment about his blatant disregard for rules, but he suppose everyone was busy with getting ready for the roll call. Then Commander Keith started. "CHRISTA LENZ?"

"Sir!" The cute blonde squeaked while taking a step forward.

"MARCO BOTT?"

"Sir!"

Connie fidgeted nervously until his turn arrived.

"CONNIE SPRINGER?"

"Sir!"

Connie was very much caught unprepared when the commander, instead of giving his the expected beat down, instead marked his notepad and went ahead. He was so surprised that the words came out of his mouth without even a thought. "Sir?"

Keith stopped in his tracks and looked at Connie. No one interrupted the roll call. "Yes?" he asked in a dangerously low voice.

This is stupid, Connie thought. But since the commander is already giving him the **** glare... "Sir! Do you have any comment on my appearance today?" he asked, suggestively pointing the sideways of his head at the commander. Maybe he really did have a **** wish.

Keith's face reddened as he exploded. "UNLESS YOU WANT TO ME TO BE IMPRESSED WITH YOUR OVERLY LARGE EARS, I ADVICE YOU TO STEP BACK CADET SPRINGER. OR ELSE, YOU'LL BE CLEANING TOILETS FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS!!!"

Connie gulped and took a step back, but his mouth opened when the commander continued the roll call. This was the man who once punished a cadet for untied laces, now ignoring his blatant breach of dress code. What the hell was going on?