The Math Whiz & The Cheerleader

Maisie Miller sipped her hot chocolate as she read through her notes for the third time. Once again she worked through the definitions in her head – a group, a ring, an integral domain, a field, a homomorphism, an isomorphism… Intellectually, she knew she had a fairly good grasp of the material, but she could never shake the gut wrenching fear of walking into the first midterm of the course. Even if it had been a very long time since she had gotten anything less than an A. She loved the exploration of mathematics, the beauty of seeing a new pattern, the joy of seeing the hidden thread linking two seemingly unrelated concepts. What she did not love was grinding through dozens of toy problems, or working under pressure, or the pit she still felt in her stomach every time she handed in an exam, no matter how well she knew she did.

Maisie sighed. The symbols had begun to swim in her head, which meant that she was tired enough to preclude any hope of further progress. Might as well take some time to relax. Getting up from her chair, she shrugged off her nightgown and stretched her plush figure, unclasping her bun to let her dark brown curls tumble to her shoulders. Climbing into bed, she booted up her tablet with one hand, the other gently massaging a pale, pert breast, and then reaching down to her puffy vulva…

She vanished, reappearing in a discombobulated heap at Esther’s feet, the tablet clattering to the floor.

Fiona leapt up to help the unfortunate newcomer, but Esther arrived first, reaching down to help Maisie to her feet, while a snap of her fingers seemed to rapidly reverse Fiona’s motions in time, leaving her again on her throne.

“Hello, Maisie, and welcome to the show! I know you may be confused, but don’t worry, this will be plenty of fun! Just go ahead and take a seat on one of the folding chairs,” Offered Esther, her untrustworthy grin returning, “You’re in luck – looks like you’ll be starting with a few Victory Points! I’ll explain properly once the other contestants arrive.”

Maisie clutched her nude form, peered at Esther, and then at the eight empty folding chairs, and then at Fiona.

“Victory points? Is this… Am I dreaming about Harem Hotel​?”

“You know the show! Oh, how delightful,” Esther beamed, looking down at the discarded tablet, the flamboyant “HH” logo visible in the corner of the screen.

“That will certainly make things easier. For you, at least. And its no dream, dear.”

“No, its not a dream, is it…” Maisie muttered, hesitantly making her way to the chairs, “Can I at least get something to cover up?”

Esther simply smirked. Fiona scowled and pointedly averted her eyes.

***

Carolyn Chang rushed into her dorm room, panicking. She could not believe she had forgotten yet another assignment. 2500 words on the Euthyphro… due tomorrow. Her bright orange and white cheerleading uniform still soaking with sweat, she flung open the doors to her closet, rummaging through the pile of crinkled sheets, old textbooks, dusty plush toys and cutesy stationery. A series of items joined the pile of large stuffed animals on her bed in quick succession: a creased planner, pencil tucked into its spiral binding, a large pink highlighter, a printed and stapled set of annotated texts, and a rose gold macbook. Bouncing onto the bed behind them, Carolyn gave Ms. Bungis (a 5 foot tall rabbit plush, and her current favorite) a tight hug, took a very deep breath, and then booted up her laptop. She hadn’t actually read Euthyphro, but she was pretty sure she already knew the gist from the lectures, and besides, it had a Wikipedia article. She could manage 2500 words in one night, no problem. Heavy keystrokes placed the first few words on the page…

A small pile of the more precariously stacked plushies gently collapsed as Carolyn and Ms. Bungis disappeared.

“Eep!”

Carolyn’s feet hit the enshadowed auditorium stage with a gentle, echoing thump. Looking around in confusion, she clutched Ms. Bungis to her chest.

“Maisie? And… Miss President? I was just… What’s going on?”

“Welcome, welcome, contestant number two, the one and only Carolyn Chang!” Esther cut in, flinging an arm around the cheerleader’s back to guide her towards the folding chairs, “You’re in luck! You’ve been selected to compete on Harem Hotel! Now just take a seat next to your friend here. You’ll get the full instructions once all the players arrive.”

“Players? I don’t think I… Miss, I definitely didn’t sign up for this! I need to get back to work! How am I even here?”

Carolyn turned, ready to push her way to the exit.

“Carolyn she’s dangerous!” exclaimed Fiona, white knuckles gripping the arm of her throne, “Please just sit down for now. I’ll make sure you get an extension.”

Carolyn froze. Looking at the diminutive hostess, she suddenly felt a twisting uneasiness worming its way down her spine.

“Ok. Ok! But I still want to know what’s going on!” She shook herself and flounced over to sit beside Maisie.

“I want to know why I’m sitting here when I was literally just in my room. I want to know what the heck harem hotel is. Like, I don’t want a harem, and I really don’t want to be in anybody else’s harem. And this isn’t even a hotel! And I want to know how Maisie ended up with no -”

“Carolyn… Carolyn… ” Maisie reached an arm across to grip Carolyn’s thigh reprovingly.

“Just… please be quiet for a minute. She’s going to explain as soon. As soon as the other… six people show up. So she doesn’t have to explain separately for everyone.”

Carolyn crossed her arms around Ms. Bungis and huffed in displeasure. “Fine.”

Esther nodded in satisfaction and theatrically raised her arms for the next summon.