The Long Walk Home

“Lead the way, ‘O Captain! My Captain!’” Mr. O’Brien drunkenly and slurredly shouts. He is to your left with his arm over your shoulder, while Brooke is on your right doing the same thing, so you can carry both of them on the way to your car for the night.

“OW!” You hear Riley exclaim from behind you, and you can only imagine someone familiar with the story of her senior prank elbowing her due to Mr. O’Brien’s reference.

---

The Grand Opening thankfully finished without the eventfulness and drama that preceded it, and the other guests seemed to have still enjoyed themselves despite your group’s emotional display early on in the night. The look of relief from Becca and Viv after hearing those other guests still expressing their enjoyment was what your group needed to hear too. At least, despite everything that happened, tonight wasn’t a total disaster.

And because of that, the party went on for a little bit longer for your group. With your friends and acquaintances dead set to achieve their goal — revelry ensued. Accomplishing, somewhat, getting you and your girlfriends the respite you all very much needed. All the stresses that bombarded you earlier in the day fading into the background as Mr. O’Brien, Nelly, Courtney, and Brooke drinking to their heart’s content in pursuit of what tonight was supposed to be about — celebration.

And because those guests went a bit overboard trying to achieve that goal, you and the others are now carrying them to their rides home. Viv and Becca both stayed behind to thank and help their staff clean up, which meant Paige, Tricia, and Lizzie did too. Hal and Celeste, along with Mercy, also volunteered to help clean up, so they’re also absent from this current group making its way to the parking area.

Leaving you and the other sober partygoers to deal with the drunken chaos that’s unfolding.

---

“Goddammit, Ricky! If you die from this, I will **** you.” Mrs. O’Brien says in annoyance, while she gives her husband the meanest side eye she can muster.

“At least he’s still talking, Mrs. O’.” Tanya jokes, as Nelly is being princess carried by Brad beside her.

“Why did you have to be gay, Brad?” Nelly suddenly mutters in her drunken stupor.

“Spoke too soon, mama.” Sofia jokingly comments.

“I used to ask myself the same thing!” Brooke drunkenly jokes beside you, and Brad hip bumps her for that one, causing you to almost lose your balance. Thankfully, Mrs. O’Brien and Maddy prevented it from happening.

“I’m walkin’ here!” Mr. O’Brien shouts as he almost loses his balance.

“Sorry!” Brad guiltily apologizes.

“She’s all jokes about it now, but she cried him a river when she found—” Courtney who is just as drunk as Brooke tries to comment, before Brooke immediately shouts at her to “Shut the fuck up, bitch!”, to the stifled laughter from everyone.

“I’m going to end up fucking mom’s boyfriend at this rate.” Nelly mutters again in her drunken haze, and Tanya immediately covers Nelly’s mouth in a panic, and the laughter isn’t so stifled anymore.

“OW!” Riley exclaims again. “Stop fucking elbowing me!” You finally hear Riley shout.

“Seems like we’re carrying each other’s drunkies, Love Coach. Wanna trade?” Brad jokes with you.

“Who you callin’ a drunky?” Mr. O’Brien asks Brad in offense.

“You! You stupid idiot!” Mrs. O’Brien answers her husband.

“BAH!” Mr. O’Brien waves off his wife. “We haven’t had a night like this in years, Marebear.” Mr. O’Brien argues.

“For good reason!” Mrs. O’Brien continues to argue with her drunken husband.

“God, I missed this feeling.” Mr. O’Brien says in blissful selective hearing, completely ignoring his wife’s comment.

“And I bet I’m the one who’ll suffer for it once you wake up tomorrow.” Mrs. O’Brien continues to side comment. “IF you wake up tomorrow.” Mrs. O’Brien adds.

“Do you swing, Craig?” Mr. O’Brien suddenly asks you.

“Oh! Oh! I do! I do!” Chad innocently shouts, raising his hand like a schoolboy trying to get the teacher’s attention.

“That’s not swinging, babe! That’s—” Courtney tries to correct Chad, but her last word is overpowered by Mrs. O’Brien’s shout.

“Jesus Christ! Shut the fuck up, Ricky!” Mrs. O’Brien commands her husband.

“I’ll gladly give you Mary for the night.” Mr. O’Brien jokes, once again ignoring his wife. “She’s had a hip replaced recently. She rides like she’s brand new.” Mr. O’Brien overshares, swinging his free arm to try and spank an ass that isn’t there. You know he’s blind drunk, since Mrs. O’Brien’s utter shock and embarrassment forces her to stand still for a moment, making her an easy target for that spanking.

“Gross!” Maddy shouts, while Mrs. O’Brien immediately uses her handbag as a weapon to try and smack her husband with. Unfortunately, all she keeps hitting is your arm.

“She’s been needing something hard stuck up her ass for years.” Mr. O’Brien says, and Mrs. O’Brien fully stops in her tracks this time, looking like she’s had enough from her husband.

“OW!” You hear Erica exclaim this time.

“How do you like how that feels, huh?” You hear Riley ask her.

“I didn’t even do anything this time!” Erica says defensively, but you can hear her sniggering when she says it.

“But you were about to!” Riley counters, and Erica just laughs to concede that Riley was absolutely right about that.

“Grammy!” Maddy suddenly shouts, as Mrs. O’Brien was apparently just psyching herself up to strangle her husband. You and Maddy try to separate Mrs. O’Brien from preemptively making good on her promise about ****, but the old woman was surprisingly more determined than expected.

“Your granddaughter’s here, you fucking idiot! Stop throwing me under the bus!” Mrs. O’Brien shouts at her husband, while she has her hands around his collar and is pulling at it wildly.

“Are you watching that, mija?” You hear Tanya ask Sofia. “THAT… is how you and your sister make me feel when you argue.” Tanya jokes, obviously referring to herself as the peacemaker in the scenario.

“And you’re the one doing the strangling?” Sofia quips back.

“What!? No!” Tanya shouts back. Sofia’s eyes only have to dart towards Tanya’s hand, which is still on top of Nelly’s mouth, for Tanya to quickly remove it like she got caught in the act. Sofia laughs uncontrollably, while Tanya can only roll her eyes to concede, as the latter’s unable to deny the truth — she does threaten her daughters with physicality when they get on her nerves.

“I’m so fucking horny.” Nelly immediately makes her mother regret not covering her mouth.

“GAH!” Tanya exclaims, before going back to covering Nelly’s mouth again, and Sofia bends over laughing while holding onto her stomach.

“Truce! Truce! I’m done!” You hear Erica exclaim.

“Can you imagine how chaotic this would have been if either of us were drunk too?” You hear Cassie jokingly ask, most likely talking to Stella, as the chaos of the group is beginning to escalate.

“I’m just surprised we haven’t magically summoned Lizzie with all this horniness going on.” You hear Stella joke.

“I guess we’re not within range of her powers.” Cassie jokes back, and despite it supposedly being the norm between them, you can’t help but crack a smile that they are talking like they usually do again.

“Who the fuck is Lizzie?” Courtney suddenly chimes in. “She has magic too?” Courtney asks, and you jolt upon hearing it.

“You have magic, babe?” Chad innocently asks, and you start to sweat from the direction that conversation seems to be going.

“Of course I do! I’m a chosen one by the universe. I have the gift of—” Courtney continues to say; and despite Brooke’s drunkenness, she’s still thankfully quick enough on her toes to interrupt her.

“You have the gift of being an annoying bitch.” Brooke interrupts Courtney, getting the others to laugh at Courtney’s expense, and distracting Courtney from finishing her thought.

“Oh! Says the annoying bitch!?” Courtney shouts back at her.

“The fuck did you call me!?” Brooke reacts.

“I called you what you called me!” Courtney points out.

“I’m sorry. You’re not an annoying bitch.” Brooke quickly concedes.

“Well, you are.” Courtney doesn’t back down.

“I know~” Brooke continues to drunkenly accept.

“Ugghhh.” Courtney groans in annoyance. “Come here, bitch. Let’s hug it out.” Courtney tells Brooke, and Brooke immediately breaks away from you and stumbles towards Courtney who does the exact same.

The two hug it out in the middle of the sidewalk, forcing your group to stop walking in order to wait for them. Thankfully, there aren’t other pedestrians in this area to be scandalized by your group.

“Don’t lie to me again, okay?” Courtney tells Brooke.

“I won’t. I promise.” Brooke assures her, and you can hear her sobbing a little with her reply.

“Maybe you guys should kiss to seal that promise.” Chad not so innocently suggests.

“CHAD!” Brad calls out his brother for the suggestion.

“KIIIIIIIISSSSS!” Mr. O’Brien goads the two, and Mrs. O’Brien hits him in his chest with her handbag for doing so.

“Stop being such a pig, Ricky!” Mrs. O’Brien tells her husband.

“Oh, please! You used to do that shit in front of me all the time!” Mr. O’Brien shouts back at her.

“OH HELL YEAH! This ‘Dirty Grandpa’ is the best!” Chad shouts excitedly after hearing Mr. O’Brien’s support.

“You guys weren’t kidding about the abnormal amounts of horniness in this group.” Sofia says to Stella and Cassie.

“Thankfully, one of the horny ones is sober, or this would be way worse.” Erica chimes in.

“How about you stop fucking throwing me under the bus! Jeez!” Riley tells Erica, to the latter’s amused laughter as she notices you eyeing Riley curiously from her statement.

“I mean, throwing them under the bus. Whoever that sober horny person is.” Riley tries to ineffectively dodge the bus she threw herself under.

“Throwing them under a ‘Bang Bus’, am I right?” Chad jokes, before asking for a high five that Mr. O’Brien returns after breaking away from you…

… and he trips on his feet and falls towards Chad after doing so. Fortunately, Chad was able to catch him before he fell to the ground and possibly hurt himself.

“Grandpa Rick!”, “Ricky!” Maddy and Mrs. O’Brien both shout in concern.

“Are you okay, Dirty Grandpa?” Chad asks out of concern too, and Mr. O’Brien maniacally laughs like a madman in response.

“Serves you right, you fucking idiot.” Mrs. O’Brien says, upon seeing her husband is actually fine.

“I think it’s safe to say that’s enough chaos for one night, don’t you think?” Tanya asks the sober group who all have to agree after seeing Mr. O’Brien almost hurt himself.

“Yeah. Can we please get them home already?” Maddy asks, as she helps Chad get her grandfather up on his feet.

---

A quick—but still just as loud—walk to the parking area later…

“HGHG HKGKH…” Mr. O’Brien gargle-y snores with his mouth open, as you attempt to put his seatbelt on him.

“Fucking typical.” Mrs. O’Brien comments, as she sits beside her husband inside your car.

“We’ll see you back in the apartment, yeah?” Tanya shouts from her pickup, with Stella, Cassie, Brooke, Sofia, and Nelly all already seated inside. You give Tanya the thumbs up, before she reverses and drives off home.

“Stay safe on the drive home, Love Coach!” Brad shouts before entering his car giving you a wave goodbye, and you wave goodbye too.

“Fuck you, Love Coach!” Courtney drunkenly shouts from her window while giving you the bird, as Chad stops near you to say “Fuck you, Love Coach” as well, albeit in a friendlier tone. Chad even copies Courtney flipping you the bird, and you can’t help but flip both of them the bird back.

“Gimme a hell yeah!” Chad shouts at you, and you realize that he thinks Courtney’s just doing a Stone Cold reference.

“Hell yeah, Chad.” You tell him half-heartedly, but still with an amused smile, before he drives off.

Once you think you’ve said all your goodbyes, you go back to buckling in Mr. O’Brien and closing the door to the backseat, as Maddy awaits in the front passenger seat. And in the short walk to the driver seat door, you notice that someone’s been waiting for you so they can say their goodbyes personally.

“Hey, Mr. Craig.” Riley greets you.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?”