The Incident: The Morning After

You wake up in Jada’s arms and for a moment feel sick that you could have done anything with her last night. But you’re both dressed. The memory comes back immediately. You didn’t have sex with her, she just got onto the bed next to you and held you as you sobbed yourself to sleep.

You extricate yourself from her carefully, and ease your way downstairs. After losing Rebekah last night—no, you remind yourself, not losing her, she only went to hospital—you just collapsed, and her comforting you like that was amazing. The truth is, she’s been hit almost as hard as you have. Rebekah is her best friend, the kind of friend you don’t often find. Maybe the truth is, you consoled each other.

Right now, though, you need food.

As you enter the kitchen, you glance at the clock. It’s 6:42am. You pause for a moment, considering how early you should call the hospital. You don’t want to wait too long, but maybe they check on patients first thing in the morning so it makes sense to give them some time.

Your mind drifts as you start making breakfast. The skillet feels like a weapon as you imagine the parents that could treat their children the way Rebekah’s have. You light the stove and watch the flame for a moment, burning fiercely like Rebekah has been lately. It needs turning down to medium, but for a while you just see her at her most glorious - dethroning Cassie Li, taking second at Regionals of Fluorescence… lying on top of you in bed. Bacon and eggs sizzle with a glorious scent that reminds you of one of the first breakfasts Rebekah ever made for you.

Hands circle your waist, and for a second you relax and imagine it’s your fiancée, until the lightness of the touch tells you who it really is.

“Smells good,” says Jada, breaking the hug she gave you. “Have you checked on our girl yet?”

“No,” you say. “I figure it’s best to leave it a while in case the doctors have a morning meeting with her or something. I’ll call at 9. Might get more information then.”

Jada nods as she grabs four slices of bread and places them in the toaster. She fills the coffee maker too, and turns it on. You’re glad for the help.

“Makes sense,” she says. “I’m just surprised you can wait.”

You sigh heavily. “It’s not easy,” you admit. “But mom explained I probably won’t be able to get in to see her yet because of what she… did. God, last night was scary. I’ve never seen her like that!”

Jada looks surprised. “You haven’t? She’s really been struggling lately.”

“What?” you ask. “I mean, I know she’s been doing a lot and has been a bit tired, but she’s so strong. I’ve never met anyone like her before. I didn’t even think she could break like that.”

Jada’s eyes narrow. “You really haven’t noticed?”

Now you feel guilty again. What haven’t you noticed? And if Jada has… why haven’t you?

“She told me last week that she wasn’t sure she could keep it all going. School, and HexDrive, and streaming and… everything else,” says Jada.

“She never said anything to me,” you say.

Jada rolls her eyes and groans. “Oh, God, Rebekah! No. I suppose she wouldn’t.”

You stare at her, trying once again to fit this into the world you thought you knew. Rebekah’s never held anything back from you. At least, you didn’t think she had.

“She said she couldn’t make it without you,” says Jada. “That you’re her rock. I told her she had to talk to you about how she was struggling. I guess she never did?”

“No,” you say. “And I’ve never been her rock. She’s mine. She’s—”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Jada stares at you fiercely. “She’s never had anyone accept her like you have. Not even me; at least, not at first. But you come in with your sex challenge, accept her as your manager, and pretty much love her for every crazy, extreme move she makes. Think about how that hits a woman whose own parents were abusing her whole life. Hell, you even managed to push her and HexDrive to get silver at Nationals. She’s passing her schoolwork and rising as a streamer, because you encouraged her. You’ve been amazing for her. Maybe too amazing.”

“No!” you say. “No, she did that. That was all her. I was just along for the ride!”

Jada snorts; the brief, derisive sound reminding you of your girl.

“Really? Look, I’m not saying you did the work for her or anything. You didn’t. You’re right, that’s all her. She had the talent to lead the team. She’s on an advanced degree placement. She’s got the skills and wit to be a good streamer. But she only started BELIEVING she did because you believed it.”

You want to object. You really didn’t do anything, except sit there marveling at her. Maybe Jada just doesn’t get it.

You finish making breakfast in silence, rethinking everything you’ve ever been through with Rebekah. How long has she been breaking? Since before you met her? Have you really helped her? Or should you have paid more attention to the way you wondered how anyone could push themselves that hard?

For the next couple of hours, you and Jada sit in conversation, reminiscing about your favorite memories of times with Rebekah. It’s uplifting to share thoughts of how amazing she’s been for both of you, but it all returns to the same thing. Last night. And now. The amazing young woman you both know and love is in hospital. And neither of you were able to be there for her like she was for you.

“I’m gonna call,” you say eventually. There’s not much else you can do.

You glance at the clock. Nervously, you watch the second hand ticking forward towards 9am. The time you set yourself is approaching, and even if you’re terrified about what you might hear, you know what you have to do.

You pull up Google on your phone and pump in the name of the local hospital. You bounce through a couple of transfers before you reach the nursing station on the psychiatric unit. You’re not sure how to take that. Surely they wouldn’t have sent her there if she was badly injured or there was a problem with the baby, but then again, if she was feeling okay why would she be on THAT unit?

You introduce yourself, even stumbling over your own name as the nerves eat at you. “I was wondering how Rebekah’s doing?”

“Rebekah?” asks the nurse.

She seems uncertain, but then you realize she might not be willing to disclose any information without knowing more about who exactly you are.

“Sorry, Rebekah Flores. She was brought in last night. I’m her fiancé.”

“Ah yes,” she says. “I’m sorry, but I don’t really have anything I can tell you right now.”

You want to yell, but immediately realize that you won’t get anywhere that way.

“Please,” you say. “I’m her fiancé! I need to know.”

You pace. Blood tastes like steel on your tongue as you bite your lip.

“Is there anything you can tell me?” you ask.

The nurse pauses before responding carefully. “You’re her fiancé? I know you must be worried, sir, but until the doctor clears her to receive calls I really can’t do anything.”

“Is she safe?”

“She’s in hospital. This is the safest place she can be.”

“What about our baby? The cop who restrained her knelt on her back and pressed her belly to the floor. He didn’t… hurt the baby did he?”

The nurse speaks quietly, slowly. “Sir, I can not confirm anything at the moment. What I can tell you is it’s general hospital policy to deal with physical trauma before being admitted here.”

You think about it for a moment as you look at Jada. Her eyes follow you as you stride back and forth. She’s waiting. Her lips are pursed, her eyes narrowed, her body sitting rigidly.

“Thank you,” you say to the nurse. “Can you tell me when she will be able to receive calls?”

“No, I’m sorry. That depends on the doctor and on her having you on her call list. That’s a list of people she wants and is allowed to receive calls from. It’s probably best if you try tomorrow.”

You hang up and lay the phone on the table. It’s not the contact you wanted, but it tells you what you needed to know.

“She’s okay,” you tell Jada, and laugh bitterly. “Well, not okay. She’s got to be cleared by a shrink before they can say anything, but they said they don’t admit to the psych place if she’s really hurt. Like, physically. Or if the baby is.”

You drop onto the chair next to Jada’s and smile in relief. “She’s gonna be okay.”