The IRLRPG System,by Hiddenblade

“Yo! Rina in da house once more!”

“Sis? Why are we back here?”

“Excellent question, Ben. Gina apparently found a loophole.”

“Explain. Now.”

The review has to feature two of your original characters and be in the same style of the Gina and Marcie brand.

“Turns out only original characters can review shit here. Which doesn't apply to them.”

“You're kidding me.”

“Yeah, Marcie is pretty devastated by this. Gina is having a field day right now.”

“No.”

“But guess who are completely original characters!”

“Nooooooooo!!!”

“Fuck yes! We are taking over this bitch!”

“You don't even like reading! I don't think you ever read a single book in your life!”

“Correctomundo. And that's why you will read this while I listen to your sweet and sexy voice. It will be like reverse storytime. You can sit in my lap while doing it.”

“You know what? Fine! Lets just get this over with. Still better then having this fucking conversation!”

“Spoken like a true Gina.”

“We are, I mean I am reading “The IRLRPG System“, by Hiddenblade. Hmm...so it's about a family that gets send into a fantasy world. Ok, the family angle at least is pretty unique...This story will heavily include....ARE YOU KIDDING ME!”

“Hehehehehehe. Seems pretty fitting for us, doesn't it?”

“Why does it always have to be ?”

“...conditioning.”

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing. Start reading already.”

READING AND LISTENING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Wow, this has to be the dorkiest shit ever. Is this the dorkiest shit ever, Ben?”

“How am I supposed to know? For the record, I didn't think it was that excessive.”

“My...is my little brother into this? Spreadsheets and numbers? Does it get you all hot and bothered to read about XP Gain and +1 Constitution? Uh! Life Spell now costs 1% less Mana to cast! You gotta fap to this!”

“Have you forgotten to take your meds this morning?”

“Ok, ok, I see that you are getting flustered. Shall we talk about the family dynamics then? He he he.”

“Ugh...this story starts with an introduction to the Hill family, consisting of son Adam, his twin Ash, younger sister Emily, elder Sister Lisa and Mom Sasha.”

“Ok first off, holy information overload! I am not going to remember any of this!”

“You probably would if you read this yourself instead of playing with my nipples!”

“I just want you to get properly invested!”

“But, as much as I loathe to say this, you have a point. There is a concept in storytelling that is called Rule of three.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_(writing

“Is this some Star Wars bullshit? Because If you need me to get Marcie in here...”

“It basically means that you shouldn't introduce more then three things at once. But this story opts to present five main characters right in the very first chapter, resulting in your difficulty to retain information.”

“I knew that this wasn't just me being stupid!”

“That's why most stories opt to ease you into their characters and introduce them at a slower place. Infodumps like in the first chapter here should be avoided.”

“But Adam is clearly the boss here right?”

“Huh?”

“I mean he takes charge of the whole world ending situation very quickly.”

“I suppose...”

“Aha! So there is only one main character! Checkmate, Ben, you smarmy little shit!”

“...haaa....”

“Oh yeah, spoiler alert, the world is ending and the Hill's have two hours to evacuate.”

“This family is just weird. After the initial freakout, Adam hypes them up on how exciting exploring a new world is. Everyone is on board because they spend a lot of time playing tabletop RPG's with each other.”

“I'm fully on Adam's page here. That sounds awesome.”

“Yes, but you where diagnosed clinically insane.”

“I'm still getting a second opinion on that. Also, what would you have done in a doomsday scenario? Running around like a headless chicken?”

“But...don't they have any extended family members to contact? Any friends? If you think the world is ending in two hours you would at least contact Gina right?”

“I probably would give her a call, but you are a fool if you think I wouldn't spend 99% of the remaining time making love to you.”

“And that's another therapy session for me. Thanks, Sis.”

“You're welcome. Anyways, after a bit of packing the Hill's get transported to a new world. Inf-something, but I just call it Forest because they spend the entire story fucking around in one.”

“Is the author going for a inbred hillbilly angle here? I mean huge dense forest, family that loves each other a bit too much...”

“Yeah, not gonna lie, the whole mother wants to bang her children is a bit much...”

“Oh! But regular is just fine and dandy with you, is it?”

“Woah, Ben! There is a huge difference between fucking your Mommy and fucking your Bro. In general I'm against fucking something I popped out.”

“I really don't want to defend , but that is extremely hypocritical.”

“Umm actually, I'm pretty sure it's critical. Even the comment section complained about it.”

“You mean the one guy that had a problem with the eldest daughter being fucked by the mom? Not because of the fucking mind you, but because he felt Adam gets cucked by two of his family members screwing each other.”

“I get where he is coming from tough. It would piss me off quite a bit if you suddenly started having sex with our older brother. If you are gay for Evan, you have to tell me, ok?”

“I am not...no...I won't even deign this with a reply.”

“Ok, because I am a nice big sis, I think I give you a break from all the heavy sex stuff. Wanna talk about the whole leveling thing?”

“Ah yes, the second big aspect of the story.”

“This author has some of the weirdest kinks ever, I swear. What fucking psychopath puts spreadsheets into a porn story?”

“I try to explain. Because they are in some kind of game world, Adam receives a huge amount of notifications. And I mean huge. This feels like a free to play mobile game.”

“Sometimes that shit is so long that whole chapters are nothing but achievements and experience gains. And these are long ass chapters.”

“For all sense and purposes this is bad storytelling, but I can't help but feel a bit of satisfaction of seeing the numbers go up like this.”

“Because you are a Dork who likes Dork things, Ben.”

“Where is this dork stuff coming from? I play sports! I am literally the captain of the leaders!”

“More like cheerleaders, amirite? Oh, fun fact! That bet will actually run out this week. Good for you, Ben.”

“Uggghhh!”

“Alright, Ben has no chill. So I'm actually doing some criticizing on my own. All these stat upgrades and level ups? Guess what? They mean fuck all.”

“What are you on about now?”

“Think Ben. We have no metric to measure the Hill parties progress. Because they spend so much time dicking around in the wilderness we don't know how they compare to the regular people of this world.”

“Oh...”

“All this shit about getting smarter, seeing things more clearly and getting stronger? How is this relevant in any way? It's like spiking a volleyball against a solid steel wall. No matter how hard you hit you don't get any different result. You need to smack it in someone's face for that.”

“I think I get your analogy...sadly.”

“All I'm saying, the way the Stat porn is handled it won't really amount to anything and is really just endorphin triggering fluff.”

“That's kinda depressing.”

“Yeah right? Which is why the author should just write about Adam fucking his sisters instead.”

“I knew it!”

“Oh shut up! Actually, don't. What do you think about the sex scenes? You have to admit, they where pretty hot.”

“They where, the non ones at least.”

“Pff cop-out. Ok, who is your favorite sister then?”

“Toss up between Em and Ash.”

“Oh! So you don't like the elder sister, suuure!”

“Even personal preferences aside, Lisa did seem to get a bit of the short end of the stick.”

“More like the short end of the dick!”

“That literally makes no sense.”

“She did get that last sex scene tough.”

“I guess. I suppose it is just hard to give an harem of four girls all equal attention.”

“I am a normal person, so all this lesbian, polyarmory stuff is way too freaky to me.”

“Oh, and I don't believe for the minute that this whole Lord of Ash thing is just a coincidence. Especially not when Ash happens to be the twin. There is something huge coming out of this, mark my words.”

“Mark my words? Really, Ben?”

“Piss off!”

“Only one question remaining then. Did you wet your Willie?”

“No, I did not. I can appreciate that the author goes to great lengths to make sure that everyone is on board and actually CONSENTING to this. They even address the birth defects issue. But is still . It is wrong.”

“Prude. Any more closing comments?”

“The author tends to get some words wrong and every so often you get weird lines like.”

---

I turn back to everyone, about to clap to get everyone’s attention, but everyone is already looking at me expectantly.

---

“Such variety in words, much wow.”

“That said, I admit that there is a really strange and unique connection between the two aspects of the story. Leveling and . I hate to say it but the two do mesh well.”

“For a story that is just 50 chapters of people fucking around in the woods it was surprisingly interesting.”

“Alright, that should do it. Knowing Marcie and Gina, they will come up with some bullshit excuse to be back here next week, so leave me the fuck alone!”

“Aww, I love it when you are so tsundere!”