The Girl and the hole

The observation room was surprisingly quiet. I could only hear machine sounds and the occasional movement of the turret in the black hole room, as well as the nervous breathing from Mitsuru and myself. She opened a mini fridge and handed me a bottle of water as we sat down to discuss... that.

"Start from the beginning. What the hell do you mean get me a girlfriend?" I asked. The thing about madness is that it usually starts somewhere sane people can comprehend. The impetus of this thing might be around there somewhere.

She sighed, nodded to herself, shrugged, and decided to tell me how it was. "Your birthday was coming up, and I wanted to get you a girlfriend as a present," she said, as if it were normal. "I went down several routes. I made an android, but was unable to get it to stop talking like me, I made a love potion, but didn't take good enough notes and a dog ate it, and I came up with, well..." she pointed at the black hole, "that, kind of." She took another drink of water.

"I won't bore you with the technical details you wouldn't understand, but I received signals that appeared to be coming from outside this universe. A wave that operated unlike anything in this reality was being detected by my instruments. Literal interdimensional communication." It sounded ludicrous, but I wasn't going to argue with her with the aftermath.

I could tell she was speaking somewhat metaphorically for my sake. "So how did it get to that?" I said, pointing again to the elephant in the room.

"I made it my business to 'speak' back to this signal, and find my way to it. I believed I could unlock the secrets of interdimensional traversal," she said passionately. She had shared none of this with me before. "Your birthday was coming up, so I grew restless and took a drastic measure. I **** the 'sound' as loud as I could, and a tear in the fabric of reality appeared. That tear."

"You ripped reality open... for my birthday?"

"Well what are friends for? Who else will be your wingman?" I was bewildered. She's too dangerous to be kept alive. "I managed to create a device that served as a traversal matrix for the tear. I could literally maneuver around interspace with my probe. I could type in a destination and it would convert it into a 'sound' that manipulated the rift to end up where I wanted to."

"You managed to go where you wanted? Where the hell was it?"

"Well, I operated under the belief that reality was truly infinite. Things that seem fantastical could truly exist in another world. So I sent the probe to Deep Space Nine," she said, a fangirl popping out for a moment.

"The space station from Star Trek? Why?" It reminded me of a time in college where she and I binged DS9 together, among a ton of other shows, of all different genres, Sci fi, anime, you name it. Birds of a feather. It lightened my mood a little bit.

"I chose there for three reasons. First, they have technology in the universe of Star Trek that could potentially 'answer' my signal. Second, the galactic federation has sealed off interdimensional rifts before when they needed to, so if my signal tore open some kind of cataclysmic rift there they could survive it easily enough. Third, I wanted to steal some Latinum. It's the densest stuff in their universe, so I figured it was worth doing some tests on." She opened a drawer nearby. In it was what appeared to be a small gold bar. I picked it up, knowing that inside it was a superdense liquid that couldn't be replicated using the replicators of the Star Trek universe.

I held it in my hands, almost realizing I was holding a fictional piece of gold. Mitsuru had opened the floodgates for the next stage of this world, and it was slowly coming to me. "What happened?"

"Nothing dramatic. The probe landed inside Quark's vault, took a bar of latinum, and returned. As near as I could tell, the rift repaired itself instantly on their side. They might not have even noticed I was ever there." I'm guessing Quark probably noticed later. "Then, as the probe was on its way back here, something unexpected happened..." she looked nervous. It's disconcerting when even the mad scientist looks nervous. "I suddenly received a deluge of new signals, most of which emitting the same sound, and the rift expanded in real time as the probe came back through."

"The same sound... as in they came from the same universe?" I didn't like the sound of this. "Someone tried to invade us?"

"More accurately, someone is actively trying to invade us," she said coldly. "I have essentially let someone know we're here, and several smaller rifts have opened and closed across town unsuccessfully" My blood ran cold. "There's good news, though. I have a few girlfriend candidates for you if you'd like to look through them."

...

What?

"What?" I asked.

"I told you, the purpose of the interdimensional machine was to find you a girlfriend. I believe I can build you quite the harem if you'd like, actually." She said, as if she hadn't been talking about the end of the world for the past few minutes. It was incongruous. We're being invaded by mysterious interdimensional aliens and she's trying to get me a girlfriend.

"Shouldn't we be focused on the apocalypse you've caused?" I asked dryly. I had deduced that common sense eluded this woman.

She smirked, "That's the best part. We're going to handle both at the same time." She opened up a terminal overlooking the black hole. "Let's see, judging by your search history, I think a good first candidate is Rangiku, from Bleach. What do you think?"

I was completely lost, her logic didn't reach me. She sighed and began typing, narrating the search parameters. "I'm going to find us the perfect soldier to fight off these interdimensional invaders: Rangiku Matsumoto from Bleach, with a slightly enhanced figure and corporeal in the mortal world. Completely obsessed with the idea of being summoned to another reality to be one of the girlfriends of her favorite fictional character, Jason Isaacstein, and desiring a completely imbalanced relationship that prioritizes his happiness and the protection of his world more than any of her prior responsibilities and appetites." Mitsuru looked at me for approval. I understood now.

She wants to build an army of fictional girls obsessed with me... to protect the world from her own mistake. Horny, from having been interrupted masturbating earlier, I nodded to my bestest friend.