The First

We get back to our cell after a short visit to the prison's chapel. This week it was a catholic priest conducting the afternoon service about Adam and Eve and how they came to be that got me thinking about the first ****, I mean it was just logical that if Adam and Eve were the first then.... I worked on my version the rest of the afternoon. The dinner bell sounded and we left to eat, returning filled .

The guard called out hey you got a story for us? Decided I would read out what I just wrote today

Yeah one that I call "The First ****!" They settle in, intently listening to me.
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And God saw what he hast created and proclaimed it to be good! The seventh day he rested, preparing to start onto the next phase the next period of creation. God made Eden and placed man in it along with animals to tame and raise. But God found man had a certain problem, he would touch himself in impure ways. Especially when behind the woolly sheep! For the fourth time in the past sun cycle God caught him “AH DAMN! LEAVE THE SHEEP ALONE, THAT IS AMORAL!”

In his anger God placed man to sleep, taking from him a rib from and sealing up the flesh of man’s chest. In haste God placed the rib in the center of a shape similar to man’s but for some reason the outer flesh started to swell, little protrusions appearing. No matter what god tried the swollen flesh refused to return to normal “Must be time to rest but first let me educate man!"

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” Of course man was so deep in sleep he failed to understand God’s words. God tried many times to convey his word before giving up “Oh well he’ll figure it out come morning!” Closing his eyes and resting believing that all was right!

The new persona wasn’t given the talk by god before being placed in Eden. In the new experience the new lifeform started to search the surrounding. Into the bushes the lifeform went, somehow causing a piece of a branch to fall, clipping man on the shoulder, instantly rousing man from slumber.

“Wha…?” Looking at the fallen branch seeing, scratching himself noticing that that part of him was once more extended, Man decided to go into the bushes to get relief. Just as he was about to penetrate the foliage the bush started to shake. Man became alarmed, gripping the extension so nothing could harm it, man started in only to jump when a slimy length of body passed over the ground in front.

The small jump put man off balance, sending man forwards and down towards the earth. Just as man thought that the ground would hurt him something soft broke man’s fall! His extension falling into something warm and different feeling

“Oh god that hurt! Take it out!” a high pitched voice speaking surprised man! Looking down man got the first glimpse of the other lifeform like man but it was different to man’s senses.

“Wo man! you feel so different from sheep! Man moving out, losing his balance then sinking back in,deeper than before “Oh this feel right!” Pulling back and sinking in over and over

“What are you doing to me?”

“Wo man relax and you may enjoy this like I am!”

“No I’m not enjoying this!” Water coming to the new lifeforms eyes “Who are you?”

“The voice in the heavens keep saying Ah Damn!”

The life form in pain getting it wrong “Well Adam get that out of me!”

“ Wo man I feel funny!” the man tenses up and the man’s face scrunches up then and the other lifeform cries out

“What are you doing? It very warm inside me!”

OH GOD THIS IS GOOD!” Man continues “FEELS LIKE SOMETHING IS COMING OUT OF ME!”

The other lifeform crying out “I don’t want your coming in me!” The lifeform calls to god “God make Adam stop coming in me!” The water from the eyes streaming down the lifeforms face

Suddenly “Who is Adam?” God screams through the heavens “CAN I NOT GET THROUGH THE EVE WITHOUT SOMETHING WAKING ME!”

Man getting it wrong “Eve that what this is for i found it during the Eve! Starting to pump up and down once more

“Adam get out of me!” more wailing from the lifeform.

“ADAM OBEY THIS EVE! AND GET OUT!” God getting pissed “FROM THIS POINT ON YOU MUST ASK TO GO IN THIS EVE IF NOT IT SHALL BE A CRIME!’ God screwing up his words “SO AS YOU **** SO SHALL YOU PERISH! GOD HAS SPOKEN!

And that is the biblical story of the first **** and **** and how came to be! Don’t you hate what the Catholic church had cut out of the Good Book!
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Man good thing Father MacNally didn't hear that crap, he would personally set you straight about **** in the bible!

"Oh yeah!" walking away from the door to my bed, "Like I would trust anything a Catholic priest said about sex in the bible" Laying out, hands behind my head "Show me where it says Priests can have little boys!" With that I close my eyes, waiting to drift off to sleep!