The Family Doesn't Understand, But Spider-Man Is Supportive

"So," Sue Storm said, trying to project confidence in her voice. "What do you think?"

Ben, Reed, and Johnny stood in the living room. Spider-Man was hanging from the ceiling on a strand of webbing.

"It's, ah, bit different," the Thing rumbled. "Kind of reminds me of that one costume of yours. The one that had us fieldin' all the calls from the PTA groups."

"I like the leather, but I'm not sure about the mask," Johnny hedged. "I mean, we don't exactly have secret identities to protect."

"While the thicker portions may give you some added protection, the greater exposure of critical areas rather adds to your vulnerability," Reed Richards said.

"I like it," Spider-Man said.

The entire Fantastic Four looked at the wall-crawler. With a display of ridiculously easy acrobatics, he swung over, did a triple somersault, and landed next to Sue.

"Look," he said. "I've dealt with a lot of costumes—"

"Some of which you were married to," Ben Grimm chimed in.

"—and I can tell you that a mask is about more than hiding your identity. When you put on a costume, it helps you get in character. A few millimeters of fabric usually aren't much protection against the kind of threats we face, but they do provide a psychological edge. They help us get our head in the game, to become who we need to be. If the Invisible Woman feels safer and more confident in this costume, then I'm all for it!"

"Thank you, Spider-Man," Sue said gratefully.

"Plus, there is NO cellulite on that ass. It is perfect. It would be a crime to hide this from the city, county, and state of New York—"

Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose.

"—and think of the merchandising possibilities! Every dominatrix in the world is going to want—"

An invisible ballgag suddenly muffled Spider-Man's encouraging speech.

"Thank you, Spider-Man," Sue said. "I'm keeping the costume."