The Beasts

When we return from the commercial break, skylar is smiling at the camera, and clutching her microphone in hand. “We’ve seen the beauties. Are you ready for the beasts?”

“Born ready Skylar.” The Devil looks at ease in his plush chair, history's most famous beauties sit passively just feet away. This is a man on top of the world, and he's still got six babes to go.

Across the way, beyond the balcony, the Nile river vanishes. That life-giving waterway becomes a field, a carpet of thick green grass and rocky hills, nearly infinite in scope.

Out For Blood by Heart Attack Man starts playing.

“What happens when an unstoppable **** meets an immovable object?”

Lucifer sits up in his chair. “I hope it’s Elizabeth Bathory, I’ve been wanting to give her a sponge bath for ages.”

Skylar smiled. “A mere hundred died by her hands. Rookie numbers Satan, rookie numbers.”

A figure appeared on the horizon though she looks like a glowing torch, head aflame with red hair. Though she's just a smudged on the horizon we can see she's clothed in fur, and green linens.

“With a body count of over 70,000 thousand!”

The figure suddenly burst into a sprint, heading directly for Satan.

“A woman who would rather die in glory than live in Bondage. The blood of three cities, even London itself could not slake her thirst!”

Then a spear soars through the air, and impales Satan’s chair, half an inch from his head. He jolts with surprise.

“The scourge of the 9th Roman Legion!”

“Skylar!?!” Lucifer shifts in his seat as this woman begins roaring, her sprint showing no sign of stopping.

This woman vaults over the railing of the balcony, in one hand a spike-tipped shield and in the other a nasty-looking knife. She rushes towards Satan leapons over the firepit and put her knife to his throat.

“Boudicca!”

Helen and Celopatra both scream in shock, as this wild redhead, growls and spits out her first words of the competition. “That spear was a warning shot ye piss-drinkin pig-fucker! The knife’s goin’ threw yer head if ya don’t let me out of this riiiiiight now!”

“Skylar!” Lucifer screams in a panic. The woman before him is gorgeous in her own way, but wild and unkempt. Her way red hair would go to the mid of her back if it didn't stick out in every direction. Her chubby cheeks were speckled with freckles just as much as they were with dirt. Her blazing green eyes were large and harsh, and at the moment were staring Satan down.

Skylar nods and gets up from her chair. Her soft voice exits her metal-studded lips like a breeze. “Boudicca this is not the way for a queen to introduce herself. We love your passion here, but we all feel like killing the master of this season is going to unnecessarily complicate things.”

“I meant, use magic!” Lucifer growls.

“I don’t give a shite what killin' him complicates, I…”

“Yes, you do.” Skylar interrupted gently. “Your men may have been willing to die for you, en masse, covered in glory, killed by their own wives as they ran from your disastrous final battle.”

“Yup that’s blood, she’s drawing blood.” Lucifer squeaked as Boudicca digs her knife deeper.

“But I don’t think your fellow **** sisters deserve to suffer for your… exuberance. Which they will if the audience doesn’t get their show.”

“I ain’t nobody’s **** lady. If they want to live in infamy and bondage let ‘em.”

“Then there’s the rest of humanity to consider. If The Devil Dies who knows what would happen?”

“Something good I reckon!” She draws her hand back ready to hack Lucifer's head right off.

“We’ll I admire, your optimism, but I’m not so sure. When your father died, everything… if you’ll allow me to borrow some of your colorful language 'went to shit’ and he ruled a comparatively small kingdom compared to the king of evil here. If his kingdom disintegrates, I can only imagine the ripples that will have on reality.”

“It’s up to you what a do, miss host. Free me, and ye won’t need be worrying about that.”

Skylar crosses her arms. “You’re responsible for your own actions don’t pin this on me. The producers have chosen you, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. But if you want to kill Satan and risk destroying the entire universe, I won’t stop you either.”

"WHAT?!?" Lucifer cries out in outrage.

Then the camera cuts to a commercial break, and we all wait five agonizing minutes to see if we’re all going to die or not.

Take a moment, go get a drink, maybe use the bathroom. Text a loved one. Google some commercials if ya want...

...

...

Aaaaaaaand we're back!

“You’re a right fuckin’ bitch!” Boudicca howls before stepping back, her fur and linens transforming into a charming plaid winter dress, with the cutest boots. The dirt and blood vanishes from her body, and in a more kept state she almost looks cute. Softer than Cleopatra and Helen, her plush figure, big eyes and wild hair make her look almost gentle.

Lucifer touches the blood on his throat and scowls. “You empty-headed thing.” He turns on Skylar who is still teetering on her boots. “That was the point in the show where you cowl the monkeys with a display of magic!”

Skylar tilts her head, a confused look on her face. “There’s only three here, what a waste that would be. Besides, it’s rude to solve an argument with magic, when words would do just as well.”

“Just as well.” Lucifer scowls, looking at the blood on his hand. He looks to Boudicca interested but displeased. “Not that you could have killed be, to begin with. I only did it for the drama.” He leans back in his chair. "Charming interest though, you I look forward to breaking the most."

“Oh.” Skylar blinks her big brown eyes. “Then I guess now's a good time to tell you that your powers are gone. Wow haha, good thing you said that or you might have killed yourself on accident!” She slaps herself playfully on the forehead.

“What?” Lucifer roars to his feet. “I am all-powerful! I can not be contained by mere T.V producers!”

Skylar tilts her head to the other side looking concerned. "You seem upset. We'd never allow a Master to have more control over our programing than we do."

"No one can control me!" Three sets of black wings burst from his back, as a dragon’s tail whips out behind him obliterating his own chair. He whips around towards a camera and demands the universe's attention, blood begins to seep through your television set. His grin turns from handsome and sinister, to deadly malicious, fangs in his mouth. “Harem Hotel has officially been canceled!” He holds his hand out to the Camera, but nothing happens. Least of all him warping through the camera to the production studio’s pocket dimension. “Fuck!” He looks at his hand surprised there's aren't a half dozen dead beings at his feet already.

To his credit, he simmers down astonishingly fast and collapses into his chair, good as new.

“Welp, I suppose that’s a good twist.” He looks to Skylar who’s handing him an Old Fashion. “Why have me on if I don’t have my powers?”

“It’s too easy sir. You want a challenge, don’t you? To climb a new mountain? This is your chance! To corrupt your harem, just like the masters before you! With nothing but your charm, wits, and perversion. Not to mention a little help from me.”

Lucifer nods his head, a faint smile on his face. “Why use magic, when words will do just as well?”

Boudicca crashes into a chair as the next contestant enters the scene. She crosses her arms and spreads her legs out wide.

Cult of Dionysus By The Orion Experience begins to play.

A writhing pile of snakes bubbles up from the floorboards. These seeping serpents squeeze through gaps and holes in the wood, through creases and cracks. Helen shrieks and picks her feet up off the ground, as one slithers past.

Skylar too seems upset by these serpants, panic playing across her brown eyes. Though she's a professional and hides it all with a smile. "L-l-looks like our fourth contestant is on her way." She clears her throat and jumps up on her chair. Partly for dramatics, partly to get away from the tide of snakes. “Introducing history’s most terrifying woman.”

A head rises out from the pile like an elevator is bringing her up from hell.

“Like her name suggests she rose above all women, above all men. You know her son, but even she, he could not conquer.”

This woman was wearing a head wrap and appeared to be older than the other women. Her eyes even had wrinkles! Horror of horrors. As she rose from the snakes more of her regal draping were revealed, obviously a woman of wealth, and power, she might even have ruled the world.

“An army sent to kill her, laid down their arms in terror and joined her. Guards would not arrest her!”

She isat her full height now, easily the tallest in the room 6'1 at least. Snakes fall off her shoulders, slither into her hair, and climbed up her skirt.

“She kept snakes as bedmates and drank their poison. She is the mother to history’s greatest general, and its scariest mom! Please welcome Olympias! Mother of Alexander The Great.”

Once she was fully formed, Olympiad did not smile, or smirk, or rage. She simply gave the room a single glance and walked forward. She was not phased even as her regal trappings tuned into boots, mom jeans, and a big puffy ski jacket. She walked unerringly to Helen’s seat right next to Lucifer, and did not spare Cleopatra or Boudicca even a glance. “Move.”

When she speaks it is law. Helen squeaks, the idea of resisting not entering her mind for even a moment. She dives out of her chair, and skitters to join Boudica at the other end of the circle. She didn't care of Boudica seemed like a raging psychopath, this woman with a hundred times worse, a thousand times worth.

Olympias nods and takes her seat next to Lucifer. She crosses her legs. Once she’s comfortable she extends her hand for him to take, though she spares him no look either. He takes it, with that charming grin and plants a kiss on her hand.

He then turns to Skylar and smiles. “I think that’s all the introduction you’re going to get.”

Congrats to Spader6799 for guessing Right on Boudica, I was pretty blown away by that.