The Battle Within

The water of the lake was warm against her skin, gently splashed her face and hair as Vrasha kicked out. The men on the shore watched her, charting her motion. She imagined their eyes fixed on her naked body and it made her shiver. The water surrounded her, pressing in against her skin with its strange light. Vrasha felt as if it was all around her, and there was no land in sight. She had never much liked the sea; the idea of drowning had invoked in her a sort of primal disquiet. Not quite terror, but far from the **** she would prefer. The idea of sinking slowly into the lightless void, **** and retching, and struggling for any hint of an impossible rescue was a horrible one. She would rather die in battle than face that end.

But this did not feel like that at all. Even as the land retreated away, and she found herself totally alone with her thoughts, Vrasha did not feel like she was in danger.

Did she want to be a ****?

The thought returned to her mind suddenly, as if placed there by some distant command. The water pressed against her, nursing her back and forth. Before, she'd shown such confusion and that confusion arose in her again. She felt like something wasn't right, but could not understand what it was. When she had come here, she had had many good and just reasons why she not only would have refused to become a ****, but also why she would hate anyone who tried to make her one. They had made sense to her. They had been both sensible and logical.

Yet now she could not remember a single one of them...

Was being a **** really that bad? Vrasha didn't know. She was feeling her resistance to it slowly drain away, but deep down her core resisted, throwing up reasons which the building fog in her mind had to answer or get around.

Why didn't she want to be a ****? Because then she would have no command over her own life. She would be told what to do constantly with no true choice or freedom!

But then, most people didn't have power over their own life. Many of the common folk were simple peasants who had to work for a living constantly, existing in cycles of farming and paying tithes to their supposed betters. Could it really be said that they were truly free? And of course, those betters would be minor nobles or lords, who would have their own noble houses to answer to. And those houses would be bound by laws and rules, so they also were not free.

When you looked at it like that, just how many people in all of Khol-Hon actually were free? Didn't a state of slavery simply make clear a truth that already should have been obvious?

But those people didn't have to obey! They could choose to do otherwise!

Could they really though? If they refused to pay their taxes, they would lose their farms, their homes. Lesser lords would be punished by greater lords, and all were subject to the law. It was true that they did not wear chains, but what need was there of a chain when you could compel obedience with a word or a document?

Vrasha shook her head, feeling terribly lost. The water was pounding in her ears, the sound like a tide spilling back and forth. Was she losing herself or was she finding herself? Desperately, she looked for someone to help her but there was no one. She was alone. Alone in the whole universe.

Slaves were mistreated! They didn't have the right to refuse their masters! They could be punished sexually, or even made to pleasure their owners! Females slaves like she would be were especially **** to this. Was that really something she would want to invite on herself?

And yet, there were women who lived off their bodies all the time, was there not? Prostitutes were common in most major cities. Those women used sex and pleasure as a way to earn their keep in the world and Vrasha did not think lesser of them for it. Surely, if one knows that one is expected to perform such duties, then it is one's right to accept the role? It wasn't as though the slaves were not being warned. Everyone knew what was expected of them...

That was true, Vrasha hesitated, but surely there was something wrong there? She felt that she was reaching. The fog was closing in. It was harder and harder for her to formulate refusal. She felt safe and secure, but also like the water was suffocating her. She wanted to scream but her body would not move. Half of her mind was no longer even her own. She was arguing with herself, and she was losing.

Besides, Vrasha was aroused by the idea of being a ****, wasn't she?

N-No, she wasn't...

She was. She knew she was. She could not deny it. When she had stripped naked for Karden and the others, she'd felt her heart speed up. The idea of being chained down made her hot and wet. When she had enjoyed her fantasy in the bathing room, she had realised just how much that turned her on. Now what if it was real and not pretend? What if she marched out of this lake right now, knelt to Karden and proclaimed herself his toy to use? Would he take her right here? Probably. She wanted it so much.

No, no! This wasn't her! She couldn't do something like that! She was the princess of Khol-Hon and could not become a ****. Her people needed her too much. She didn't just stand for herself, but for all of them as well. If she bowed to Karden, he would rule not just Vrasha but also Vrasha's kingdom.

And so what if he did? Was the nature of a king any different from that of a slavemaster truly? Vrasha's ancestors had come to power not because they were blessed by the gods - though that was what they said later - but because they were strong and ruthless. Vrasha needed a husband to take to the throne, so why not select someone like Karden? Someone who in public could treat her as an equal partner while in private letting her live the life of slavery that she so desired? Khol-Hon had had kings before. Karden would not be different. Not be special. Through him, she could live her fantasy. She could be a **** and a queen both. A ****-queen. Bound by duty and tradition in public and in private bound by chains and submission. Surely, she could still serve her people then?

No, it was bad. It was wrong. She had to...had to fight it...

She had done enough fighting. She had fought her brother, she had fought her father. She had spilled the blood of her own kin and beaten back armies that should have served her loyally! When was she allowed to put down the sword? To take what she wanted instead of doing what was best for all? Karden was not an evil man. Gelmina was not an evil place. She had seen this firsthand. Why was she struggling so much when they only wanted to enrich her life and the lives of her people?

All she had to do was submit.

No, damnit! I still have my pride! I won't be a ****!

Submit.

I can't, my people!

Submit.

She could feel herself becoming smaller and smaller, the iron-core of her that was ''Vrasha'' shrinking as new thoughts and feelings filled her mind and body. She tried to gather herself but there was so little now, and so much of her enemy. The part of her that wanted to roll over and surrender. To forever give up her pride and dignity.

Submit. She had to submit. It was for the good of her people too. Gelmina was rich and would make Khol-Hon rich. After her father and her brother, they had so many enemies. If they remained on their own it would only be a matter of time before someone else decided to take them while they were weak. Better that than risk them becoming strong again. Khol-Hon needed to be protected until it was ready to stand on its own feet. Gelmina had money and soldiers and magic. It was the best possible partner they could ever ask for. And she could secure it all.

No...

She could protect her people. Guard her land.

I won't...

All she had to do was marry Karden. Merge Gelmina and Khol-Hon forever.

Vrasha! Do not surrender to this magic!

"E-Elody?" Vrasha blinked suddenly, looking around. But there was no sign of her comrade. No sign of anyone. The sudden spike had brought her to her senses but she could already feel the fog closing in on her again.

"Elody are you there? Answer me!"

But there was nothing.

Like she was alone in the whole universe.