The 23rd Tenkaichi Budoukai Arc

“Great, more Dark Lord. Just what I wanted when I woke up this morning.”

“Quite, Gina. Remember when I said last time this story should take heed to not overstay its welcome?”

“No.”

“Well, unkown7 doubled the chapter count since then.”

“Thankfully, these chapters are shirt.”

“Shirt?”

“Short and Shit!”

“...pfft.”

“...Marcie?”

*Marcie proceeds to cackle like a Hyena for four minutes and 29 seconds*

“S-shirt...giggle...wow that is good. I have to write that down...”

“Are you alright in the head? Actually forget that question.”

“Yes, I have recovered from your attempt to **** me with humor. Now, I do wonder tough, should we address the answer chapter prior to this?”

“Ugh, won't this just result in a meaningless back and forth? Only losers argue on the internet.”

“It seems they mostly agree with us, so I don't see the need for it. I am surprised about the admittance that Marcus was a rip off of “The Captive Prince” tough.”

“Hah! That's what you get for giving unkown7 the benefit of the doubt.”

“Anyways, I am not getting any younger, so let's just dive into our second read of “Dark Lord”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“OK! We kinda stopped at a shit point last time, Marcie.”

“Yes, when we last left, our “heroes” just got their behind kicked by the evil dragon Jormund.”

“That of course doesn't stop fucking Fred. A bunch of bullshit happens and eventually Marcus kills Jormund with a sword.”

“Which is a Fire Emblem reference, I wager. I bet Unkown7 plays Fire Emblem with permadeath off, the casual.”

“So, big bad dragon is ****. Fred has basically conquered everything, but there is an issue.”

“Rebuilding everything that Jormund has destroyed costs money. Money that Fred doesn't have, hence he and his friends enter a fighting tournament to win the prize money.”

“Ok, that's actually kinda cute.”

“No, it is not.”

“What?”

“The idea that the prize money of a tournament could pay for the reconstruction of about five(don't ask me how many countries Fred rules at this point, I really have no idea) kingdoms is utterly ludicrous.”

“Isn't that the joke?”

“Given how serious everyone is about it, no, we are absolutely supposed to take this at face value. But that is not even the main issue here. Tell me, Gina, what is the cornerstone of Fred's empire?”

“Punching chicks in the pussy?”

“Slavery.”

“Oh.”

“With about half the population in slavery, economics really don't matter all that much. You can just **** your slaves to do manual labor. That is the whole point of slavery after all. In this case, Fred should be far more concerned with ensuring his population won't suffer famine or pestilence. Fred can worry about the flow of goods once he gets his shit together and stops being the leader of the equivalent of North Korea.”

“I don't see that happen anytime soon, given what he does to Farsel.”

“I hope our listeners aren't eating anything right now, because things are getting gross.”

“Farsel is punished for freeing Jormund by having to wear a chastity cage. One that blocks all bodily fluids.”

“It is exactly as disgusting as it sounds. But unkown7 needs to get his scat fetish in check. This is not how chastity devices work. In the same, vein, unkown7 really needs to do some research.”

“That would prevent her from shitting out multiple chapters per day tough.”

“Seriously. If you aren't familiar with a concept, open google and spend a couple of minutes researching it. It goes a long way, in preventing you coming across as an uneducated fool.”

“Or don't write about disgusting shit.”

“Speaking off, Farsel apparently wears this for an entire month. Do you have any idea what being unable to excrete waste for a month would do to you? You would literally **** on your own...”

“OK AND THAT IS ENOUGH. I GOT THE POINT!”

“Sorry, I still have to point out one line in particular on this subject.”

“Fred looked at the chastity device to find it covered in faces.”

“THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE FECES!”

“Yes, only unkown could make a line about feces worse. She repeats the same mistake a few lines later.”

Fred threw the faces filled chastity device out the window where it started on the head of a female high elf.

“It started? Are we to interpret this as it locked itself on her head? Nope...Marcie I just can't..this...”

“If you have to puke do it off studio.”

ONE CODE V LATER

“Fucking finally moving on with the fucking story. Fred and friends arrive at the location of the tournament and meet a fuckton of new characters.”

“Yes, turns out that Fred didn't conquer all that much after all and nobody really cares that he beat a huge evil empire or an ancient powerful dragon.”

“I kinda was under the impression Fred had pretty much achieved global domination, so where did all these fuckers come from?”

“This, Gina, is what we call an asspull. When it comes to storytelling you want to do a proper set up of all the factions in the early parts of the story. This whole “but then there is this new big bad who is 10 times as powerful as the old big bad” is the hallmark of a third rate story mostly found in Anime and Manga and speaking of...”

“What now?”

“Villain gets killed, sends his son for ****. Son enters a tournament to fight hero. I mean come on! This is a new low in plagiarisation even for unkown7's standards.”

“To be fair, Mordred is female.”

“She is also the only character you will most likely remember because unkown decides to use this tournament arc to introduce 30+ characters and at least six new factions.”

“You say this but I certainly remember the black guys who go by...Predigger.”

“At first you might be thinking that is just an unfortunate combination of letters but then you have lines like:

“Can you even be racist to black people?"

“I still don't get that line.”

“I...think I do. But trying to explain Unkown7's weird thought process is far too exhausting, so let us just get on with it.”

“Alright, tournament starts and, oh, we didn't mention that it's a five vs five kinda thing and fucking brutal. It's a fight to the **** and almost everyone dies.”

“Well, the red shirts die, the main characters get injured at most.”

“I mean...Fred fucking dies.”

“Sigh...we have to talk about that, do we?”

“Yup. Fred dies. It's not even in the fucking tournament. Mordred just decides at one point she wants to kill Fred and murders the fucker.”

“I like how Marcus is the only one who cares. The rest of Fred's group is pretty much, eh, whatever.”

“Pretty shocking tough. Who would have thought Unkown had the balls to kill off the main character like that.”

“For a brief moment I was genuinely impressed. It is not like Fred was irreplaceable. So, from a storytelling perspective, he could, in theory, die. But of course Unkown7 is not finished ripping off Dragonball.”

“Fred lands in hell, kills some devils and comes back alive again.”

“And with that what little tension this story had is gone. Now that we know that **** is not the end what stakes are there for any of the fights?”

“I guess we can all agree that characters who come back from the **** are extremely lame, eh Marcie?”

“...shut it.”

“But beyond that small hiccup, the tournament proceeds as you expected it to. Team Fred wins and Team Mordred wins, eventually ending with them meeting in the finals and you never guess who wins there. Fred!”

“This whole tournament is hilariously predictable. I know that Dragonball tournaments tend to be just that as well, but that is no reason to copy them. Incidentally I really liked the tournament in the Buu Saga that blue balled everyone. All hail, Satan!”

“Yeah, I just pretend I got any of that.”

“And thus ends Book 5, although calling this a book is awfully grandiose. That was about 40 pages long.”

“Are we sure we can just stop here Marcie? You have seen what the next arc is called.”

“Yes, we have reached an ending after all. And we are in page 6 of this review, so we certainly did our due diligence.”

“I mean, you won't hear me complaining.”

“Besides, this will piss unkown7 off, and I like pissing off unkown7.”

“Ok, but won't she just request another review in three months or so?”

“...Fuck.”