That's What The Justice League Wants To Know

"This is Metropolis News 8 and we're live on the streets of Metropolis, where a giant penis monster has just burst forth from a warehouse and has begun to rampage across the city!"

The camera panned to where Lois Lane, now the size of a city bus, was waddling down the street on her great fleshy base, the tower of cock waving stiffly in the air, gently careening into buildings and idly crushing parked cars underfoot. From this distance, none of them could see the face of the Daily Planet's greatest reporter, lost amid the vast expanse of cock, whose skin color was shifting and contours changing all the time.

People were on the streets, running, screaming, taking videos with their smartphones. A few intrepid police officers had decided to shoot first and ask questions later, but their bullets harmlessly bounced off the apparently invulnerable skin. The giant cock wombled on...

...and within minutes, a dark jet eclipsed the moon. The Batplane swooped low over the rooftops. It was clear this monstrous cock was more than the Metropolis Police Department could handle, and the call went out to all the available Justice Leaguers.

From Central City, a red blur blitzed across the highways as the Flash arrived...

In flight above the Atlantic Ocean, Wonder Woman shifted course toward Metropolis...

From the Justice League satellite, a teleporter-beam materialized the Martian Manhunter and Hawkgirl in midair...

From near-Earth orbit, the Green Lantern Jessica Cruz dropped down in a shaft of emerald light...

Yet as the group convened, they all had one question.

"Where is Superman?" Wonder Woman asked. "This is his city, I would think he would be the first to arrive."

"I told Superman to stay away," Batman said. "My sensors indicate high levels of red kryptonite radiation flux from this phallic nightmare. We don't know what effect it might have on him."

"I sense a mind within the creature's thoughts...it is...confused. In turmoil. Lost among baser impulses." The Martian reached up and massaged his head. "But I do not sense any malice. I sense almost that it is...looking for something."

"Then we need to find out what it is," Wonder Woman said. "And see if we can keep the creature from doing more damage."

"Agreed," Batman said. "Diana, I suggest that you, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl seek to contain it. Flash and J'onn, you can work crowd control—keep the civilians and the police out of the thing's way."

"What are you going to do?" Hawkgirl asked.

Batman pointed to the ruined shell of a building, the starting point of the giant prick's destruction.

"I'm going to find out where it came from," he said grimly. "And what it wants."