Terrible memories

(*Disclaimer* If you wish to remain arroused or whatever, read another chapter, please. This is something not for any kind of pleasure - I dearly hope that I'm right and nobody gets off to this, oh well.)

You are March Bailey, and a woman of stable echonomical status. You have found happiness in working as a librarian, not your original dream job, but at least you are employed. You have not moved out of your first rent-home because it has grown on you, and moving was never a thing you especially liked. You do a lot of things you like now.

You are 30 years old and still a virgin, but you don't mind it, as something deep in your psyche cancels thoughts of sex. It's not a big deal though and you've figured that paying your rent and keeping up with the world is much more important. You have no friends, but a lot of nice co-workers who remember to say 'hello' to you each day and you always return a smile to them.

There's something very soothing in this kind of life, something worthwhile you can't grasp.

You planed to go back to school last month, that didn't work out - they told you that it costs, you can't afford that. One of your co-workers, a cute geeky brunette, asked you for a lunch last year - that made you excited and you almost went with her, she said it was just a casual lunch, but you know better. It seems as if the universe is really on your side on keeping you put right where you belong.

You have a great family, they give you money monthly and your parents visited a few years back - they are the best. Your brother is doing his doctorate and you are so proud of him, he is so smart and handsome. Two years ago as you were in the family christmas diner he even brought his girlfriend there and you got erect as she addressed you. Too bad you vomited then on the table and didn't partake in any other stupid events like that.

You lost Pearl soon after the party. She was going to pick you up from this one clinic you were going back then and drove under a truck. You got depressed from that but now you are just fine as you know that everything will be just fine as long your family is ok.

You saw Giuliana yesterday, that was really bad. She didn't see you, but you realized something awful and you are now pondering about that. She was just fine, she had a beautiful baby and a handsome blonde husband, they were doing groceries - you were buying those too, but ended up buying something else.

It took some time but you are finaly sure that she'll live a happy life and Pri will be just fine after getting out of jail. Everything will be just fine, except one thing won't.

You will never be just fine,

you will never get over what happened,

you,

will never find true pleasure in life.

Never.

Not ever.

So what's the point, right?