Suzie

Scott woke up this morning convinced he wanted something more than casual, something real, something that could last. And to be honest he was thinking about Jenn when he made that choice. But sitting in the diner, looking at Jenn, her face telling Scott exactly what she was hoping to hear him say. . . doubt crept in.

He took a second and thought about his future, and every time he thought about being happily married one face appeared before him, and it wasn’t Jenn.

“Jenn, I. . .” He knew what he needed to tell her, but he couldn’t say it, he was trying to find the right words, the right way to disappoint Jenn without hurting her, without hurting their friendship.

“Just spit it out Scott.”

“I want us to be friends.”

“Just friends?”

“Yeah.”

Tears started to form in her eyes.

“Jenn, you’re one of the most important people in the world for me, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I just don’t see us like that.”

She wiped her eyes.

“Then who?” She asked.

“Jenn, don’t ask me that.”

“Who Scott?” She demanded. “I need to know, it’ll tear me up not knowing.”

“Suzie.”

Jenn laughed. “Fucking little Suzie.”

“Jenn. . .”

“Oh don’t worry Scott, I won’t cause trouble. I’m not even really upset. Shit, she’s been after you forever. She was chasing you when I was pushing you away.”

Scott just sat there. There wasn’t anything he could say. He just had to let her work through it.

“I was always worried about Lydia too.” Jenn laughed, wiped away tears.

“I’m sorry Jenn.”

“Oh don’t be sorry, I set myself up for it, didn’t I?”

Again, Scott was speechless.

“Well at least now I know.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes before the waitress came.

“You two all right?”

“Yeah.” Jenn choked out. “I’m fine.”

The waitress looked concerned. Scott understood how this looked, and realized nothing he could say would help.

“Okay, you ready to order?”

“I’ll have the usual.” Jenn said, getting control of her voice.

“I’ll have the Dick Burger.” Scott said. “Everything on it.”

She glared at him. “Fries with that?”

“Yeah, and some coleslaw please.”

“Okay.” She wrote some things down. “Jenn, you want to come over to the counter for a moment?”

Jenn just nodded; she looked like she was about to cry. Scott felt like an asshole.

He watched them walk away.

Scott sat for a bit and stared out the window. He knew Jen was upset, but he didn’t know how upset, if she would get over it quickly or never want to talk to him again, he didn’t even know if she would want to work with him now, it wasn’t a great idea to break your boss’s heart on your first day.

Even with all that, Scott felt good, like he had pulled off a band-aid that had been on way too long. He felt liberated, he just also felt awful because his best friend was hurting.

Shit, was she still his friend? She had enough people get rejected and turn on her, she could very well do that to him. He hoped not.

Jenn came back in the room. She’d been crying, but she looked a little more composed.

Scott got up and held her chair, he didn’t know why, he just needed to do something.

“Thanks.”

“How’d it go?” He asked her.

Jenn laughed. “She wanted to know what was going on, she was about to call the cops on you.”

“Yeah, I picked up that vibe.”

“I told her everything, so you’re safe.”

“Honestly, it’s good that she checked with you.”

Jenn laughed again, a sad laugh.

“Would you prefer it if I left?”

“What?”

“I mean it Jenn, if you want I’ll get out of your hair, give you space, whatever you need.”

“Shut the fuck up Scott.”

“I’m serious Jenn.”

“So am I. If you ditch me again, I’ll never forgive you.”

“I didn’t mean. . .”

“I know you didn’t, but I’m serious, you’re still my friend, I’m not going to fire you.” The tears started again. “Shit.” She said, wiping her eyes.

Scott sat back, giving her time.

She wiped her eyes, breathed out a heavy sigh. “I just. . . you were always there Scott, I guess I just took you for granted, that you’d keep being there. Even when you left, I always felt you’d come back. It was just a matter of time.” Tears again.

“I never thought you’d get over me.” She said as she started crying again.

Scott sat there, taking in the moment, searching out his own feelings, resisting the urge to comfort Jenn, that wouldn’t go well.

The waitress returned, silently set down their drinks and food. She put her hand on Jenn’s back, comfortingly.

“Hey, at least he told you now, babe, better than ten years and three kids into a marriage, trust me.”

Jenn put her hand on top of the waitress’s. “Thanks Alice.”

“You sure you don’t want me to throw him out?”

“I’m sure.”

“Alright, well, enjoy your food.”

Scott sat quietly, there really was nothing he could do now, and it sucked. He just had to wait for Jenn to figure out her own feelings about him now.

“Eat your burger Scott.”

“To be honest, I’m kind of scared to.”

Jenn laughed. “Alice wouldn’t do anything to your food Scott, don’t be a baby.”

Scott still took the burger apart and inspected it, it seemed fine, so he started eating.

Jenn took a few bites of her chicken tenders. “Shit, Scott, I sat around waiting for you to make a move for so long, even the guys I dated, they were largely to try and make you jealous.” She aggressively dipped her chicken finger in her honey mustard sauce. “Fuck, you’d think I would have picked up on something when that never worked.”

“Jenn, I’m really sorry, if I’d known how you felt. . .”

“You what, Scott? What would you have done differently?”

Scott couldn’t answer that.

“Cause seriously, if we could have worked out before, then what’s changed?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry Scott, I’m not trying to beat you up over this.” She looked down at her food. “Maybe we should give each other space. I don’t want to be a bitch about this.”

“I get it Jenn.”

“I want us to be friends Scott, and we are going to keep working together, I just. . . I think I could use some time to work through this.”

“Okay.”