Superheroine

(Originally Posted by YearEnds)

"Doesn't work that way. There's one God, and when he or she decides to move on, they pass their powers onto a successor. In my case, some teenage boy named Jack whose entire time as God was marked by fucking the brains out of every being in the universe went back in time and passed on his Godhood to me shortly after he'd gotten it. There's no magic chemical you can take, no well you can wish on, no reality-rewriting computer program you can ****, no advanced aliens who give you powers, no genies whose powers you can steal, nothing like that. Just a single omnipotent God and a plethora of universes to do with as she pleases."

"And you're her."

"Yep."

"So, when I go to church"--Miranda was a devout, if very liberal, Catholic--"does that mean I'm actually praying to you?"

"Well, not yet, since you haven't been to church since I became God. But yeah. Though don't feel obligated or anything. It's not like I need worship or prayers to maintain my powers or anything like that. Any God who is powerless without worshipers doesn't deserve the title."

"And what about heaven, and hell, and angels, and Jesus, and such?"

"They exist. I might take you there some day--before you die, of course. Jesus is a bit of a sad story, though. The God at the time, and his chief archangel Amia--she's the chief archangel, by the way, specifically created for the role and alomst as powerful as I am--decided to delude his parents, Joseph and Mary, into thinking that Mary had gotten pregnant by divine intervention by restoring her hymen after they'd first had sex. Then they intervened a bunch in Jesus' life before all the stuff you read in the Passion--and, yes, by that point Jesus was so far gone that he really did think God was his father and he had divine powers of his own--and Jesus did indeed ascend into Heaven. But Mary was taken bodily into Heaven, never having died, and the problem with that is that Heaven is full of dead people, and living people pretty quickly go mad in the presence of that many dead people unless they're accompanied by someone who actively protects against that insanity. Unfortunately, right after Mary came to Heaven, God passed on his powers, so the angels were busy preparing for the changeover and the new God was getting used to his powers and Jesus didn't actually have any powers, so now he's a disillusioned, bitter, broken man who refuses to leave his gibbering, insane mother's bedside." I grinned. "Probably the best attraction in Heaven's amusement park."

"Well, you all sound like a bunch of lovely misanthropes if that's what you consider funny."

"I should make you an angel. Then you'd understand."

"You'd make me an angel?"

"Maybe later. I've got another idea for now."

"What other idea? Does this involve me laughing at a man who was so deluded by a wicked God who screwed over both his life and his mother's?"

"Not if you don't want to. Nah, I'm going to give you superpowers and let you use them however you want."

"What do you mean?"

"I would've thought I was clear. You'll have superpowers. You can use them however you want."

"But won't I go to hell if I use them the way I really want?"

"Nah. Either I'll make you an angel before you die or you'll go to Heaven, guaranteed. Plus you'll know exactly when you're going to die, if I decide to do that."

"But, I have a conscience and a soul and morals and all that, don't I?"

"You want to know what a conscience is? Or morality? Fine. You know what should have happened to humans all those thousands of years ago when they first evolved here? They should have wiped each other out. There's a reason we call them 'base instincts,' because that's what we'd do if we had no conscience of any sort. So instead, God came along and imposed conscience and morality. The whole notion of the 'evolution of morality' is horseshit. That never would have happened. And how did God impose it? Hope of Heaven and fear of Hell, of course. So, then, take away that hope and that fear, and you take away the conscience and the morality. And that's my gift to you. Superpowers and no qualms about using them however you want, because you're guaranteed eternal bliss whatever you do. And, of course, you won't face any consequences here, either, both because of your parents"--Miranda knew as well as I did about that hypothetical shooting spree--"and because it's not like you couldn't or wouldn't break out anyway."

"What sort of superpowers are we talking here?"

"A bunch. Flight, laser eyes, laser fingers, telekinesis, telepathy, teleportation, shapeshifting, invisibility, intangibility, super strength, super speed, invincibility, a whole bunch of others. And I want you to use them, but don't do things like teleport the world's entire population into space. You won't be able to. And don't get repetitive, either."

"Oh?"

"Well, see, you won't actually have any superpowers, just a tap into a small part of my subconscious. If you want to fly, then what'll actually happen is that you'll tap that bit of my mind and it'll make the necessary alterations to reality as you go. If someone shoots you, a protective barrier will snap into place for a split second. And that same bit of me will ensure that you're not getting boring. Anyway, supervillains don't tend to kill en masse like that, so I figure you wouldn't want to anyway."

"Yeah, you're right." She blushed, not realizing that I knew all about her dreams, now. "I always dream about taking my time, feeling the life ooze out of them as I throttle them, or savouring their fear before I blast them to cinders."

I grinned. "That's my girl."

"So when are you going to give me superpowers, or, rather, establish that tap?"

"Oh, I already have. You just didn't know how to access it until just now."

Mir immediately hovered a foot off her chair. She let out a whoop of delight and swooped around the room, becoming intangible in order to slip through her table, chairs and chandelier.

"And that's enough of that for now," I said impishly, making her crash, solid once more, to the floor. I left her invulnerability on so that she didn't feel any pain from the impact.

"You're no fun," she said, sticking out her tongue.

"I'm tons of fun," I retorted. "I'd just rather see you having fun out there."