Super Special Awesome Non-Canon Halloween Crossover Spectacular 2023

Azure leaps into the frame, wearing a costume. Before the writer can add an actual description, she already begins talking.

"Hello, readers! The name Azure. But if you're already on chapter 31, you know that. Well, with Halloween nearly here, I wanted to do a special. Unfortunately, that wouldn't make sense where the plot curranty is, so I'm doing a fun non-canon special event."

Winking at the camera, she added, "We'll have the contestants here for our first-ever costume contest. But that's not all. We're also bringing in special guests from the other hosts of Harem Hotel, in this stories first ever massive crossover event. It's like the Avengers in October!"

She applauded in excitement, before stopping as she remembered something.

"Oh, but I notice we haven't actually told you what I look like," Azure pouted as if it wasn't her fault that she cut me off, the author, when I was trying to do so. She added, "Fortunately, due to gratuitous AI illustrations, we don't have to describe anything. Here you go."

"Pretty hot, huh? Now, then, let's get to it. Joining me is my 'co-host,'" she explained, using finger quotes for the last word. "Please welcome Alison."

Alison, who was polite enough to let the writer offer a description, was wearing a black leotard with a Halloween-themed ribbon around her neck and various straps on her limbs. More noticeable, she had large cat ears atop her head and a moving feline tail. But all that paled in comparison to the most unbelievable part... Alison was smiling.

"Nyaa! Hi everyone. I'm super excited to be here!" she cheered, bouncing in place and flashing a peace sign.

"Alison?! What the fuck? Why are you cheerful?" Azure screamed, the sight of her usually expressionless assistant being happy terrifying her.

Alison gave an exaggerated shrug. "Who cares. You said yourself this was non-canon. So I can act out of character as I want, and it doesn't matter."

"That's no excuse!"

She shrugged again. "LOL Whatever, ROFL."

"Seriously. Are you ok? Have you lost your mind or something?" Azure asked, trembling at how wrong the words that came from her assistant's mouth were. She added, "You're not an imposter, are you."

Alison gave a terrifying giggle. "You think we have a sus imposter among us? Maybe we need to vent. YOLO"

Azure had seen the most bottomless pits of hell, spoken with the cosmic horrors beyond the stars, and even entered the minds of gods of insanity. But nothing had ever unsettled her more than Alison right now. After taking several deep breaths, she hurried away from her and attempted to continue where she left off.

"In any case, we'll begin the festivities with the costume contest! Won't this be fun?"

Alison sighed. "This is just going to be a bunch of NovelAi images with almost no actual writing, isn't it."

"Stop it! Meta-humor isn't funny! It's just lazy!" Azure shouted, stomping her foot.

Alison laughed, which made Azure deeply uncomfortable. "Again, this is non-canon. We can be as lazy as we want. For example..."

ALISON: There. We can speak like this.

AZURE: What have you done?

ALSION: This lets us have our dialogue without spending time with descriptions or trying to find ways to rephrase the words 'she said.'

AZURE: You're insane. What if something that happens that the author needs to describe?

ALISON: Well, then they can do so between the talking sections.

Azure sighed at this, knowing she was right. Meanwhile, the author wanted to get past this part since the meta-humor had long since gotten old, transitioning to the first costume contestant.

---

COSTUME CONTEST

AZURE: Starting things off, please welcome the Amazonian princess herself, Elena

ELENA: I will fight for those who cannot defend themselves. For I am the spirit of truth!

AZURE: Elina isn't the only princess superhero who came to play. From planet Tamaran, give a warm welcome to the Sophia!

SOPHIA: Hi, I hope you all like my cosplay. You may notice some differences from the canon material, but this is based on my fanfic version of her from Earth-351. See, it's a reimagining of the DC universe, except that powers come from five different cosmic elemental stones. I also changed her backstory, so instead of being an alien, she's actually from an elf-inspired village where...

AZURE: OK, that's enough.

SOPHIA: But I haven't even gotten to...

AZURE: I said that's ENOUGH!

Azure cleared her throat to give her a moment to get her mind back on track.

AZURE: But now, let's get away from heroes and instead towards the roguish villains of the sea. Beware the dread, Captain Peterson!

KAITLYN: Ahoy matey. I've come for your booty ya landlubber!

AZURE: Pretty sure Levi is the one looking for booty dear.

ALISON: That was an easy joke.

AZURE: Come one! She walked right into it.

KAITLYN: I'll swashbuckle ya hearties. For dead men tell no tales upon Davy Jones locker, ya sea dogs.

ELINA: You have no idea what you're saying do you.

KAITLYN: No, but it's fun to say.

AZURE: And speaking of fun, our next girl's outfit goes back to the horror basics of Halloween. Risen from the dead, we have Tomoko.

TOMOKO: Rahr! Brains! Gimme brains! I want brains!

AZURE: I'm sure you do. After all, there's a vacancy there.

TOMOKO: Rude!

AZURE: And speaking of rude. Next up is the girl whos' attitude everyone loves to hate. Lauren Peterson.

LAUREN: Oh ho ho ho! Bask in my radiant light. Your goddess has arrived to offer you salvation. Worship me!

ALISON: Wow, she finally just came out and said it.

KAITLYN: She might not look it, but my sister is super into Halloween.

ALISON: So, who's next?

AZURE: We will take a little break before the next contestant. As I promised, we have several guest stars in our first ever MASSIVE CROSS CONTINUITY CROSSOVER EVENT!

Music blared as confetti fell from the ceiling.

ALISON: Oh, we're doing that now? Very well.

---

GUEST STAR INTERMISSION

AZURE: For this special event, Alison has gotten together some of the other hosts from Harem Hotel! Isn't that exciting?

ALISON: That's right. It's the big crossover event everyone has been waiting for!

AZURE: Though I do warn that people who haven't read the other branches will have no idea what's going on.

ALISON: That's their loss. They should read the other ones. They rely on actual writing instead of using AI images as a crutch.

AZURE: Shut up! Just bring them in.

Alison nodded and gestured for the guests to come on stage. Out came Leah, Ruby, Al, Chrissi, Susie, Vanessa, and Sylvia.

VANESSA: Hi, it's nice tuh be here. Yuh with me? Let's get dis partay fuckin' started!

AZURE: Why is she talking like that? She's supposed to be Sothern, not from Brooklyn.

VANESSA: Wha? Yuh fuckin' dissin ma neigborhood? Ya wanna through down, or what?

CHRISSI: Can you all keep it down? I'm trying to read something, and I'm almost at the climax.

Chrissi, the usually stereotypical dressed bimbo, was instead wearing a concealing dress shirt and glasses. Between her hands was the book Pride and Prejudice, which she was reading intently.

AZURE: The hell? Since when did you read?

CHRISSI: This is actually my second readthrough. The first I did was to understand the story. But now I'm paying attention to how Jane Austen uses subtle foreshadowing and weaves the archetypal characters to subvert the narrative. Granted, these don't seem like a subversion now, but that's due to modern literature built so much from Mrs. Austen's foundations. But if you read it from the original historical context...

AZURE: STOP IT! You're Chrissi. You're the bimbo host! You aren't supposed to be this smart.

AL: Well, that's just sexist. You're simply enforcing stereotypes dictated by the patriarchy.

Azure's jaw dropped. Al, the man who never made any attempt to hide his misogyny, was the last person she ever expected to say that. Her jaw fell even further when Ruby, who viewed Al as her mortal enemy, nodded in agreement.

RUBY: Precisely. To use a woman's physical appearance to dictate what she can or cannot peruse intellectually is highly reductive.

AL: Honestly, this entire show is reductive. I would not expect the producers to be engaged with modern feminism.

RUBY: True, especially in today's Late-Stage-Capitalist society.

AL: Though, come to think of it, modern feminism doesn't go quite far enough.

RUBY: You have a point. However, I think that stems from some people still being stuck in the idea that Second Wave feminism is the final evolution of the movement. Completely ignoring the decades of discussion that have been held since.

AL: This is a highly irrational belief to hold. I mean, the idea that a movement cannot adapt is the definition of insanity.

RUBY: You couldn't be more correct, old friend. I also...

AZURE: EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP!

Sylvia, who had replaced her top hat with a wide-brim sunhat and was wearing a prim and proper white dress like a respectable noble lady, brought the back of her hand to her mouth and began to laugh.

SYLVIA: OH HO HO HO HO! Is their intellectualism bothering you? Just what I would expect from a commoner.

AZURE: What the hell are you even supposed to be?!

SYLVIA: Watch your tone! Commoners like yourself should show the proper respect to their betters. Frankly, you do not belong here, Azure. The noble rank of the host should be reserved for only the elite.

LAUREN: I like this one.

AZURE: You stay out of this! Why is everyone acting so weird!?

LEAH: Dude, I, like, totally don't know what you mean! It's a real bummer, man.

AZURE: STOP IT! None of you would ever talk like this!

As Azure screamed this, Susie uttered a loud burp after taking a large swig of canned beer. Her maid outfit had been replaced with a white-trash tank top, with her roller skates swapped for tacky platform boots.

AZURE: Alison, are you sure you got the right people?

ALISON: What? Are you accusing me of getting random lookalikes to mess with you? I would never do something so childish.

AZURE: That was too specific. You DID do that, didn't you?

ALISON: Never. These are the real deals. You must not know them as well as you thought.

LEAH: That's true, dude. You never hang out with us, bro.

AZURE: Enough! This whole thing is just a string of inside jokes. Let's get back to the costume contest.

ALISON: Hold on, I have one more surprise guest.

AZURE: I'm not in the mood for more of your foolishness.

ALSION: I wouldn't joke about this last one. It's Yuki

Azure gasped and nearly lost her footing. Several of the other 'guests' also looked shocked.

AZURE: You invited Yuki?! Are you insane?! Do you have any idea what her twisted mind is capable of?!

Alison merely shrugged and gestured for her final guest to come down. Azure, trembling, instinctively held up her arms to shield herself.

YUKI: It's your super kawaii-loving bundle of energy; Yuki, the fantabulous host, has hit the scene! Wanna have a super special incredible snowball fight, daisuki?!

Yuki, wearing a pink schoolgirl's uniform, gave the crowd a peace sign and wink.

There was a long pause. Finally, Azure fired an exhausted glare at her co-host.

ALISON: OK, I could have spent a tad more effort on the impersonators.

AZURE: I'm moving on...

ALSION: Probably for the best.

---

RETURNING TO THE COSTUME CONTEST

AZURE: Well after that waste of time, our next contestant is Ji-Woo.

AZURE: Ji-Woo here exceeded my expectations. Your attention to detail is more than I expected from the older generation.

JI-WOO: I'm 38!

LAUREN: Yeah, that's old, you boomer.

JI-WOO: I'M GEN X!

AZURE: And next, the queen of the MMA ring, Olivia Booker.

OLIVIA: There, I'm wearing a hat. I've done your stupid costume contest. I'm out.

AZURE: YOU JUST EDITED YOUR INTRO PICTURE IN MS-PAINT!

OLIVIA: Fuck you.

Azure was about to fight back, but Alison started giggling wildly, which disturbed Azure out of her frustration.

AZURE: Whatever. That brings us to our final girl. Though she was eliminated, she still had the decency to show up. Give a warm welcome to Jezebel.

JEZEBEL: Like, howdy, partner. I'm just a little cowgirl. Woof woof.

AZURE: Outstanding selection there, Jezebel. I can't think of any other animal that better fits you.

JEZEBEL: Yeah, everyone says I remind them of a cow. Probably because I got such a big butt.

AZURE: Yeah, that's got to be it.

ALISON: So who's next?

AZURE: Why the master himself. Let's give a warm welcome to LEVI SUMMERS.

LEVI: Why am I dressed this way?! I didn't agree to any of this!

AZURE: We had to improvise. I mean, you're not a cute girl, nor are you a hot guy. This was the best compromise.

LEVI: That doesn't even make a little sense!

Azure just laughed before shooing away all the contestants.

AZURE: And that was the costume contest. Thank you to everyone who participated. Please join us next year for...

ALISON: Wait, who won? Are you going to do a poll?

AZURE: Hell no. This whole thing has been a disaster, and the sooner we all forget about it, the better. The last thing we need is an online poll to keep it in everyone's consciousness.

ALSION: You're being unprofessional and out of character. The real Azure never leaves things half done.

AZURE: You're the last one who should talk about being out of character! But fine. The winner is... uh...

Azure took out her phone and scrolled the CHYOA website and selecting a random chapter of the Harem Hotel story map.

AZURE: Robin from Mrwhysper's branch.

ALISON: She didn't even enter!

AZURE: I don't care. I need a drink.

Azure walked off stage exhausted, pulling down some of the Halloween decorations as she left.

---

TF-MISTRESSES ROOM

The author looked at the finished work in horror. "Why did I write this? This was so dumb!"

As TF-Mistress contemplated the biggest mistake of their online career, Alison suddenly appeared on the screen. She was back to her traditional maid attire.

Before TF-Mistress could figure out what was going on, Alison pressed against the screen before phasing through it into the real world. She pulled herself out of the monitor window, crawling towards TF-Mistress.

The author tried to escape, but Alison was faster, throwing her prey to the ground.

"Don't you ever write me like this again!" she threatened, her face and tone emotionless but still conveying a horrifying aura.

"Yes, please forgive me master" TF-Mistress squealed.