Staying alternative

The feast for the celebration of the latest successful raid had began as the story was told in multiple different versions but all painting Ernak, the supposed guest of honour in a glowing light however, as they turned to look for a reaction stopped to see an empty seat causing the guests to begin their search for him and soon realised how he was nowhere in sight, “Ivar check the house, I’ll go sweep the town, Alfhild the stables!” Sigurd spoke before watching the others disperse to look again returned when they had no luck, well all but one had no luck. Alfhild silently opened the stable door to peer in and nodded in acceptance to what she saw but not liking it, in front of her stood a horse saddled with bedding on its rear and seeing the very man they were looking for open the other set of doors pinned the series of notes to the table with a carving knife but he was now aware of her presence watching his movements, “What Alfhild?” “Don’t leave, we need you here. We all do!” “I need to. I don’t want to be here, seeing Ragnor kiss my love and raising a family together, her upset by this whilst you all celebrate FOR her. I want a fresh start!” “We can give you that. Some space and Ragnor... he would never do such a thing. Any affection wouldn’t be shown in front of you!” “I will see her and know that every kiss they share should have been with me, every brat produced from her womb should have been my children and every celebration for their anniversary should have been mine not mine and Astrid’s” “I know son but if you stay I’ll sort out Astrid, you will NOT be marrying her, that’s final” “That isn’t my point, my point is Lagertha is the woman I love and should be with me” “Other women have shown a interest...” Ernak slammed his knife down into the wooden table before yelling, “Just shut up, everything you say makes me want to slit my own throat!” Alfhild cried unsure of what to say before crying, “Please, I don’t want to lose you... you are my son, a boy that has grown into a fine man. You may not have Lagertha but you have a idea of what to work up to!” there was an painful silence between the two as Sigurd entered after overhearing the fiery exchange before laughing Ernak simply shook his head trying to explain, “You still don’t get it. Growing up without an mother and father is hard enough but being what I am is harder, depressing even. I was soo ready to give up trying to fight because of the constant bullying I received; whether I ignored them, retaliated or fought back it was always the same... male or female didn’t matter. Lagertha saw past that and made me feel better about myself, she gave me something and is MY something to keep fighting for. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her; when her family moved here and when I believed I had no chance in hell, she loved me. I thought I was just too lucky for her to notice me but no I was the type of man she liked, it was sympathy at first but we fell in love each passing moment we were together and we were so happy to finally be married. What do I have now to fight for?” as he finished his confidence faded remembering everything that had happened and looking down heard “Family! And the Clan!” Sigurd replied placing his hand on his shoulder causing him to look back up and state, “The ones who screwed me over, lied to my face and care only about their power and themselves? And village who hated me, ridiculed me for their entertainment?” Sigurd fell silent causing Alfhild to comment, “You have Largetha and Torvi as friends at least. As the years past you will be grateful to still have such a great friend!” Ernak slumped against the table before in tears asked, “And me? Sold off to a another woman for securing power? Alone?” Alfhild rushed to hug him as she desperately tried to console the young man.

“There will be another for you!” Alfhild muttered before hearing his response of, “But I want her” “I know son and I just wish it was that simple” she replied before feeling him push her away stated, “Then I leave” Alfhild looked back at her husband who nodding offered, “Look, I am going on a tour around our nearby villages and allies kingdoms; come with me and find someone to fill the void Lagertha has left! Even 2 or 3 if you require them” Ernak shook his head once more before adjusting his bag heard Sigurd grunt and a nodding of his head accepting Ernak’s decision but Alfhild wasn’t ready to give in to what she was hearing, “No! How about a house of your own, away from us or half our treasury; please just don’t go!” “It’s for the best!” he reassured her and nodding Alfhild replied, “How about you protect her. You know that she will be exploited by Erik for his own gains, stay and make sure she is safe!” he looked down at the floor and nodding felt Alfhild’s arm wrap around him to comfort the distraught man, “We’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

Missing years:

As time ticked away Ragnor’s power grew as he began to prepare himself and Lagertha to take over from Sigurd but this was marred by the harsh reality of what Ragnor’s decision had done to those around him. Ernak didn’t spend much time at home anymore claiming he had headaches or never felt well and spent his time most days (when healthy) he hunting or warring and meals were awkward. Ragnor would try to talk to him but Ernak would often just toy with the meat or answer with quick closed responses. Lagertha tried to reunite the brothers even though she too disliked Ragnor and her in-laws but little changed the situation. Ernak saw himself as the black sheep of the family and despite the family trying to convince him otherwise very little changed his thoughts. Over the time Sigurd tried every avenue known to apologise: money; a lot of it, houses, mead, businesses, his own ship, his own raiding party even other women but Ernak refused and only took Skadi (Alfhild’s horse) and adopted a wolf pup to raise up as his own; finding comfort in her friendship as she grew. When it came to family meetings Ernak also showed very little care knowing a war was a war and diplomacy didn’t really interest him. Alfhild tried her hardest to make it up to Ernak and with that came the “added protection” from her. Erik knew Ernak would react to his comments and openly insulted Ernak’s heritage and family. Alfhild seeing this punished Erik in the only way he would understand and that was either removing money or power. When celebrations happened Ernak was excused and often retreated to his stables or trained his Raven who often stood proudly on his shoulders and Lagertha knowing this often tried to find Ernak to give him company and talk like they used to about gossip and other dreams but even this felt **** and awkward, she hated everything about her life currently and Ernak still being there was the one thing she could cling on to, something she made clear to everyone. Unfortunately bound by duty and marriage to bear children which should have brought the family closer but what it did was the opposite. Alfhild and Sigurd were happy that children were birthed but as they looked back at the others realised the consequences to it: Erik already planned the children’s rise, Ragnor relief that he fulfilled his requirements and guilt for “impregnating his brother’s lover” Lagertha disowned the child and tried to explain or say something to Ernak who almost accepting things were never going to work out the way he had hoped walked out not wanting to see the joyous scenes unfold and Lagertha tried to pull herself up to chase after him but was not in a fit state to stop him instead all she could do was glare at the others and Torvi just hated everything about the scene before chasing after Ernak to talk to comfort him.

Alfhild continued her never ending quest to make things right but understood that the child had made things worse and Erik trying to marry him off just irritated her more, “He won’t be married off like your daughter. He’ll marry for love, he deserves it!” but this was merely a way to fool herself that he would finally move on. The one thing that perhaps the family didn’t realise but the villagers did was Ernak’s reputation grew even if he despised diplomacy he accepted it, however whether it was warring or raiding majority of the time he was victorious and Erik like the others struggled to raise an army without his support, to most if Ernak wasn’t fighting it was an bad omen and Ernak’s saying was true: “no matter the cost, we get it done.”

Current day

Ernak slumped over the counter, drinking the “celebratory” ale. “Cheer up Ernak we won!” Helvig cheered showing off his new scar to his family. Ernak looked back and seeing the other families return to the warriors side, Ernak’s head once again dropped, “Three more!” Ernak called Helga nodded understanding why he felt uncomfortable, “Wow, where are you going hero?” the group cheered and looking down he replied, “I… I got to go… and…” “We understand Ernak” Faraji replied tapping his shoulder. “Anyway Sigurd will want to see me, better get that over and done with.”

“We did it! Or shall I said Ernak did it!” Sigurd cheered with the council members who joining in the drinking Alfhild kissed her husband and said, “A great victory. This self proclaimed king of Denmark, the proclaimed god and his army lies vanquished” Ragnor joined in the celebrations with, “He lays dead by our hand” “ERNAK’S hand!” Lagertha growled, “That’s what he means” Erik fired back celebrating, “Are you okay Ernak? some of the arrows hit you!” Sigurd checked and not looking up to meet the groups eyes he replied, “I’m fine” “Ernak?” Alfhild asked wearily, “I’m fine” Lagertha’s head dipped knowing something had upset him, “Are you sure?” Ernak went to respond but hearing the children running in, Ernak fell silent once again and seeing Ragnor grab them in a hug Ernak said turning to leave, “We should discuss what’s next but… that can wait” “Ernak, don’t go. We don’t get much time to see you as it is” Lagertha pleaded, “It’s better this way. I have things to do and let’s face it… I’m never good company for a celebration” Sigurd sighed before dismissing him muttered to the room, “I really wish we could fix this.”

Ernak walked out the door and clutching his head from his latest headache heard Torvi ask as she got up from leaning against the door, “Another one?” Ernak nodded gritting his teeth as blood trickled from his nose, “When are you going to tell them, how much worse it has gotten?” Ernak waved his hand to dismiss her and feeling his sight grow blurry once again he sat against the bench and say, “No, it’s irrelevant Leif doesn’t know of any reason for why it happens and can only dampen the pain. Why worry them? They have their family and happiness, I… let them enjoy their lives and I will quietly find my peace” “Bollocks Ernak. You are playing the martyr who “doesn’t want any attention” well screw you, I’m telling them!” “Why do you even care… you get to enjoy your freedom still and the knowledge knowing no one is going to bother you” “Why? Why?! Because I like you Ernak, you are my friend and understand my frustrations that’s why! You may not care about yourself but I do and as much as I hate to say it; the family does to. They deserve to know!” he shook his head getting up and pointing at the longhouse, “They have their family; now let’s leave it at that! Are you coming fishing or not?” Torvi nodded but not giving up pleaded, “At least talk to the Seer to arrange things with her; please” Ernak sighed before nodding said, “Fine but don’t expect miracles!”

“There you are!” Lagertha cried out seeing Ernak who desperately wiping the blood away from his nose once again heard Torvi block Lagertha for a few moments with, “Why don’t you just leave him alone sister?! He doesn’t need your interruptions” “Let me past Torvi. Now!” Lagertha yelled pushing past her sister and Ernak looking over stopped when Lagertha pulled his arm to look at her, “Where are you going?! The family are concerned!” and pointing to the rods Ernak replied, “Fishing. Me and Torvi always do” Lagertha looked at the rods and seeing the bait and other gear was next to them she nodded uncertain as she clutched her own arm, “I… was just worried about you. Ever since the children… I, well I know we haven’t talked much and it must hurt you seeing them, thinking what could have been” “It’s fine Lagertha… I’m used to it; I just stay away because… well I’m a downer on every situation; every event is better when I’m not around” “nonsense” Lagertha insisted pulling at Ernak’s arm to return to the longhouse but pulling free Ernak stated calmly, “I’m going fishing with Torvi; I advise you going back to your husband in the house for one stopping people talking and secondly to ensure you don’t get sick; child birth does make women… weaker” Lagertha nodded upset by the truth and feeling fatigued hesitantly left the two to walk in the other direction, “A bit harsh Ernak…” Torvi challenged and agreeing Ernak replied, “It’s the only way she will go back and cherish what she has Torvi, we both know this” she sighed agreeing but walking alongside him hoped she could hurry Ernak into seeking aid.

“Ernak…” Torvi trailed off in her usual manner to get his attention for an “important” question so looking over to her she asked, “You are soo sure that your time draws near like your body is telling you but… what if it isn’t; it’s telling you something else?” Ernak paused as he casually checked his line and seeing how there was not a single bite he paused for a few more seconds before saying, “Listen to the message and act accordingly but what else could it be? Your body doesn’t bleed or react like mine does unless it’s: dying, diseased or wounded.” Torvi nodded admitting he had a point so grabbing him by his collar ordered, “Lagertha isn’t here for you but I am! You are going to the Seer now!” he pushed her arm off and shaking his head replied, “I will but not now! Let me enjoy the peace for a short while!” “NO! I know you don’t believe in our faith but you won’t get a single peace of quiet from me until you do. Get it over and done with and then I will leave you alone and you can drink your pain away… please Ernak” Ernak sighed and nodded saw Torvi smile for a first time in a while as she dragged him by his arm up the hill to the Seers with luck they would know what was wrong and for Ernak he hoped Torvi would learn to accept his fate and for Torvi hoped Ernak would learn what was wrong with him and what they needed to do.

The door hammered furiously as Torvi pounded her fist against the door; not caring whether the Seer was busy or seeing someone else and pushing open the door the Seer turned around annoyed by the brashness of Torvi but her thoughts were interrupted by the fact Ernak walked in and looking worse for wear. “Torvi ever heard of waiting? Nevermind… Ernak you are in my house; you despise most of our gods; believing in those you believed come from your own lands” Ernak snarled but Torvi standing in the way of Ernak said to the Seer, “Please don’t start… it’s taking most of my energy to get him here.”

The Seer nodded before tilting her head waiting for the choosing to be silent man to speak but instead she was met with continued silence until Torvi stated, “He’s not well; thinks he is dying and Leif hasn’t seen anything like it; I thought maybe the gods would have an the answer” the Seer nodded as she said, “What is wrong with you?” Ernak sighed admitting he would have to talk eventually so sitting down on the wooden stools next to her table said calmly; recalling all the details began, “I get headaches; really painful headaches and my sight goes blurry where I see things that don’t exist and the worst of all the pain causes my nose to bleed and sometimes my eyes and ears to. What’s your answer to that?” The Seer paused before pondering it said, “Some questions, if you agree to them?” he nodded which caused her to begin, “How long has this been a thing and part 2, when did they start?” “Torvi how long has it been? Definitely started when I came back from my first raid, just more intense now” “At least 7. No 8. Because it was roughly later when Lagertha had her first.” The Seer nodded before asking, “You got hurt didn’t you? Knocked your head?” Ernak shrugged before saying, “My back took the bulk of it; but I was fine for a few weeks after.”

The Seer nodded before taking another avenue said, “Visions? hallucinations… what of? Is the same or different each time?” “Different but similar” “How so?” Ernak shrugged before saying, “Always the same woman, with the same bow on her always talking to me but I can’t understand her; but she is addressing me. It’s always the same style though; a golden outline” “Golden? Did you say Golden? Or Orange?” The Seer spat immediately alerted by it, “About the same.” Ernak replied she nodded before saying, “Interesting… didn’t get the woman’s name did you?” Ernak shook his head and pondering the Sheer said, “Golden figure” Ernak nodded before saying as he held the bow up, “Like this…” Torvi stood back gasping as she saw the glowing weapon and smiling the Seer pulled his sleeve up to see the very faint lines appear on his arm, “You aren’t dying Ernak, well not if we have my way!” she pulled Ernak up and addressing the pair began, “The gods are passing on a message about what I don’t know. The bleeding, the headaches is just the gods trying to **** their message through and you not understanding why you aren’t listening or hearing” Ernak nodded before shrugging mocked, “Oh yeah… who is it Odin telling me I’m getting a raven? Thor telling me I sat on his hammer or is Tyr telling me I don’t need to fight everyone?!” The Seer not liking the mocking corrected, “No… they won’t speak to you cause you don’t believe in them but what about you gods? The mighty Athena; goddess of Wisdom and warfare? Or Ares trying to help you in war?” “So if only your gods exist then how would fictional ones be communicating with me?” Ernak challenged and shaking her head the Seer explained, “You have gone raiding; no one k knows how big this world is… I’m saying maybe it’s too big for one set of gods and yours did exist and rule; just not here… think about that!” Ernak paused contemplating her point before shrugging asked, “So what do I do then? To stop the “messages” causing lasting harm to me?” The Seer nodded as she prepared the mixture for him and checking the size of the flowers replied to Ernak, “Open your mind to them and listen; maybe it’s merely just for you or important for us all but either way if you listen to their messages the pain should cease” Ernak looked at Torvi who nodded to him Ernak sighed knowing it was this all another council meeting about their next target, “Fine… what should I expect? Is it just a message that they tell me? Will they show me? Or is some sort of memory or event that I will have to participate in?” The Seer handed him the green-slime lime solution and calmly the Seer explained, “Messages get passed on differently by each god, for each person… what I will say is this: do what feels natural to you; Torvi will watch the door… to leave you undisturbed and when you awake we will talk about what you have seen.

Torvi pushed Ernak back down and helping the Seer **** Ernak to swallow it and falling too the floor only being caught by Torvi struggling to hold onto him before laying him down the Seer ignored the annoyance from the lack of warning about the potions effects and instead sitting down pouring some mead the Seer said calmly, “Let’s see what he has for us!”

….

Later: meets the Seer

Years after he adapts to Logos he meets a struggling Senua…

Finish…