Stand in a Box and Sing "Jerusalem"

You continue, "I'd like to buy a new mattress, and I was hoping you could help me test one out."

She narrows her eyes and asks, "What do you mean by that?"

"I want to have sex with you," you state.

She looks shocked, and you realize that despite the skimpy outfits and permanent porn-star makeup, maybe social mores haven't really altered all that much. With a thought, you push things to be a little more open, and you can see her expression quickly soften. Now she says, "I'm flattered, but my colleagues upstairs in the bedding department will be more than happy to help you. I'm actually married, and..." She holds up her left hand to show off the ring. You quickly think about another change, and she lowers her hand and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, sir, I'm just not quite feeling like myself today. Of course I'd be happy to test out a mattress with you. If you'd be so kind as to follow me up to the third floor..."

As you ride up on the escalator, she starts peppering you with questions. "What size are you looking for?" "How often do you think you'll be having sex?" "Do you know how firm your current mattress is?" "What positions do you normally use?" "Are you having any back problems?" "Do you have 3-ways on a regular basis?" You basically make up answers that sound good to you, but she seems satisfied and says, "I think we've got just the mattress for you."

As you and Nikki arrive on the third floor, you're a little disappointed to see that the only action happening in the mattress department is at the cash register, where an older, balding man is eagerly filling out a form as a clerk watches him and runs her fingers through her disheveled long blonde hair. Nikki asks her, "Just make a sale?"

The clerk nods and says, "And I bet you're about to do the same." She smiles and winks at you as Nikki rummages around behind the counter. "If you need a second opinion, my name is Elizabeth." She points to her nametag. Nikki comes up with a package sealed in plastic with "Metro Linen Service" printed on it -- as she unwraps it, you can see that it's a clean white bedsheet.

She leads you over to the king-size mattresses and points out one of them -- of course, they all look pretty much the same to you, but you nod politely as she starts putting a sheet on it and says, "I think you'll be happiest with this Serta 'Winnemucca' model. It's not quite as thick as their 'Pahrump' model, but based on what you told me, you probably need something with firmer coils."

You feel like you should ask at least one intelligent-sounding question, so you glance at the mattress next to it. You are briefly taken aback by the label, but then ask, "What's the difference between that one and this, uh, Simmons Beautyfuck?" It suddenly hits you that you really have changed things.

She takes off her jacket and puts it down on that very mattress. In a near-conspiratorial tone, she half-whispers, "I think they're a little overpriced. Plus, we have one at home, and I get a little carsick, almost, whenever my husband is really riding me."

You nod, and as she's unbuttoning the few closures on her abbreviated blouse, she asks, "So you'd probably find out more about the mattress's performance if you're on your back and I'm on top, but we don't have to do it that way if you don't want to."

You're a little stunned that this has turned into such a matter-of-fact operation, and you contemplate making it seem a little more unusual to Nikki that she'd be having sex with a customer right in the middle of the mattress displays on the third floor of Macy's, but then you get distracted as she unhooks her bra to reveal her perky, round tits.