Special

I don’t walk home from Mei’s, I float. My bumps and bruises numbed to non-existence as I drift through the dark streets riding on a cloud. I was stone sober yet when I find myself standing at the door of my room I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there, nor did I care. I let myself in, toss my keys and phone on the desk then spread my arms and fall back onto my bed. Laying there a moment I begin to laugh and for the of me I couldn’t say what was so funny. I was so…HAPPY!

No matter how I looked at it I couldn’t make sense of it. Ending the night without getting laid I usually considered striking out, so why did it feel like I’d just hit a home run in the deciding game of the World Series? Mei was just another girl, why was she affecting me like this? The answer of course was as clear as the night sky I’d just walked home under. Mei was NOT just another girl. Mei was special, and her big secret was only a tiny part of it.

Pushing back up off the bed I begin to pace, then I sit, then I pace again, before falling back on the bed right back where I started. I wanted to jump and shout and tear the walls down, I wanted to FLY. I literally didn’t know how contain myself right now. When I thought about her I ached, an actual physical ache in my chest, but it was a pain I chased like a junkie, a sting that set my whole soul on fire. She was the virgin but I felt like it was me who’d gotten my cherry popped.

Again and again and again our date runs through my head. Everything was so…perfect. Everything. EVERYTHING! The way she’d taken me off guard and informed me we going on a non-date date tonight when I’d come to ask for later. The way she’d listened to my rambling on the way to The Post. The way she made me stop and sit and settle so that REAL communication could cut through the noise. And the way she looked at Ric not as some sympathetic wretch but simply as my brother, that part really shone. The food, the drink, the way she brushed my fingers and grabbed my knee and gazed into my very soul. Even the way she took charge without apology and the way looked at me with the same desire I looked at her.

“AHHH!”

Then that stupid quip and the fight, the fear I saw in her eyes when her easy-going date suddenly exploded into violence and that abject look of abandonment as I was hauled away in disgrace by the sheriff. The agony I felt inside that station as the sheriff called my dad and sat there convinced I had ruined the only chance I’d ever have with the most beautiful woman in the world. And then…

Tears fill my eyes.

And then…to see her standing out there on the sidewalk, looking small and alone as she bravely waited for me all because of a silly promise to walk her home. I was flat on the mat, as low as I could get, for reasons entirely of my own making, and Mei was there to take me by the hand and lead me away from trouble. She had waited for me even after what she’d seen and what I’d done. She saw me at my worst…and she didn’t flinch. She didn’t retreat when anybody else would have. When I was down and out she offered a hand and lifted me back up again. WHY!? I couldn’t even… I just couldn’t… Nothing made sense anymore!

“Gah!” I laugh and blink the tears away. “I’m actually losing my mind.”

Laying my arms down beside me not unlike how Mei forced me to sit on her balcony my mind casts back to the look she’d given me when she heard my dad’s voice yelling through my phone. At the time I didn’t think much of it but now I knew she’d been paying attention, she cared enough to hear. I think about how she had surprised me by straddling my knees and sitting on them as she treated my wounds. The way she held my forearms to the arms of the chair, like she was gluing them there. So dominant! So sexy! She made me feel small and big, scared and safe, all at the same time. I chuckle and rub my sore knuckles as I remember the sting of the alcohol and how she called me a whiner for flinching.

My laughter fades, leaving behind a wistful smile. The leap of faith, the trust, the sharing of her secret. WOW! I still couldn’t really believe what I had felt against my legs, but neither could I deny it. In my current befuddled state I struggle to even accept it never mind actually grapple with what it meant. Mei, beautiful curvaceous Mei, had a cock!? And a fucking BIG one at that. With a set of balls to match. I had a pretty respectable manhood down there and she had absolutely dwarfed me! My date…had a bigger cock than I did! What the fuck!? And the way she was grinding against me, I would have sworn on my life it was the motion of a woman stimulating her pussy. But it was impossible! My grin grows once more. It was impossible, but not for Mei. I could try and deny it all I want but it didn’t change what I felt, the truth remained whether it fit into my neat little categories of men and women or not.

The night progresses in my mind. The touch, the kisses, so gentle and sweet. Then THE kiss that nearly split my already swollen lip. The groping, the tongues, the grinding, the wanton lust,…and then ‘good night, Dusty’. Her promise of a second date sent me soaring, a feeling greater than any mere orgasm. Of everything though, it was her telling me that I wasn’t an idiot, that Dad was wrong about me, that struck the deepest. Mom had said similar things to me a million times, and I knew she meant them, yet for some reason when Mei had said it…I believed her.

“Ohhhhhh.” I sigh a dreamy sigh.

The date wasn’t just perfect, it exceeded that word into something else. A perfect date would have checked every box but my night with Mei added new boxes that had never even dawned on me before. She had changed EVERYTHING. I felt so ALIVE! I knew beyond all doubt my life would never be the same again. I didn’t know how I had changed or what my future held but I was not the Dusty that woke up yesterday morning. The impossible was possible and this jaded old heart in my chest was melting like a Popsicle in the summer sun.

Feeling like I might tear off my own skin if I didn’t relieve some pressure I find my phone and go online for a quick spank. All the usual sites just weren’t doing it for me today, the fine womanly flesh that usually got me revving suddenly about as alluring as decomposing meat. I needed something different. Something closer to what I truly wanted. I try some femdom porn, some trans porn, I even discover something called ‘futanari’, and still nothing held my attention. It was all chafe next to the real thing. My cock was rock hard but the mind and spirit refused to cooperate. It was as if I was too horny to be horny. My desire wasn’t tits and ass, pussies or cocks, it was Mei. Tonight only Mei would do.

Eventually I give it up and put my phone aside. It was late, really late, and I had work in the morning. As I shower and brush my teeth and slip into bed every thought, every grin, every breath started and ended with Mei. She was it. There was no other women in the world for me. How could there be after tonight?

As I lay there in the dark I wonder what she was doing now. Was she fast asleep or was as she thinking of me? Is it even possible that she could be feeling these things I was feeling now? Probably not. Nobody had ever felt like I was feeling right now because no other woman was like Mei. All those love sappy love songs that filled the airwaves couldn’t even touch this giddy high.

I laugh at myself yet again. I had been dragged to the police station and put in the slammer after starting a barroom brawl. I had disappointed my father, worried my mother, and likely upset my brother. And I had likely made enemies in this town. Yet here I lay with a mile wide grin plastered to my face because some small town girl kissed me. After ONE date I had officially lost my mind. I was gone. Completely and hopelessly insane. Crazy had never felt so damn good!

Mei. Mei. Mei! Ohhhh, Mei.

I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but somehow I manage to fall asleep.