Take a Breath

I wake up smiling, my soul remembering why well before my foggy brain had caught up. The clock told me I’d only been asleep for four hours yet I felt revived, refreshed and rejuvenated. Humming a little song to myself I rise and I truly shine, despite the aches and bruises that reminded me of the After the usual morning routine I am dressed and ready to conquer my day, my every second thought wondering when I could see Mei again. She had told me that SHE would inform ME when we’d get a second date. Such a power move. So dominant! GAH! The insanity that had gripped me last night hadn’t let up a bit. Thank God!

A second date and…second base? Try to go for third? With her secret squarely in mind I began to wonder what that might entail. I was the experienced one, I thought I’d seen everything a woman had to offer, but suddenly I was feeling as anxious as my first time at the thought of Mei’s incredible body. What was I willing to do? What would she want me to do? What would it be like? Would she laugh at mine since hers was so big? Would I chicken out? So many questions! But I was getting WAY ahead of myself.

Laughing at myself I pull out my phone and call Mom. I knew she’d be worrying and I knew Dad would have told her the worst possible version of our conversation last night so I wanted to put her mind at ease. Deep down I knew there was another reason I was calling but I tell myself this was all for her.

“Dusty.” She answers on the first ring. In the background I can hear the shrill whistle of a Cardinal, telling me that she’d taken Ric to the park. This was good as it was not an activity she would have done while Ric was worked up. They must have been able to hide what had happened last night from him and I count my blessings that they had. I could tell him in time and in my own way. “Are you hurt? Where are you?”

“I’m okay, Mom. Really.” I say. “I got into some trouble last night but it was all overblown. I think the sheriff was trying to prove something by calling Dad about it. I told him not to. There’s no charges, no permanent injuries, just a bit of ruckus.”

“A bit of ruckus.” She says, exasperated but relief coming through her voice. “Could ease up on the ruckus? Hm? For my sake.”

“I will, Mum.” I say, as once more the memory of last nights’ trouble plays out in my mind. “I’ll be good.”

After a pause she says. “What’s going on?”

“What?”

“I can hear you smiling.” She says curiously.

“You cannot hear that!” I say, grin growing. “How!?

“A mother knows. Your dad mentioned something about you not being alone last night?”

With a deep chuckle I say. “Oh, that. Well…I kinda…met someone. Someone…” I swoon onto my bed. “…absolutely perfect.”

“Oh?” Her voice brightens.

That ‘Oh?’ is all it takes to burst the dam. In a rush I spill about my date with Mei and how she reacted during the fight and how she’d waited for me outside the police station and then a sanitized version of her looking after me after the fact.

“Mom.” I say. “Mei is so…different. We’ve only had one date, it’s nothing serious, but she is so…so…different.”

It is her turn to chuckle. “Is she?”

“No, Mom, I’m serious. You don’t understand. It’s not like before.” I say, trying to find a way to explain what could not be explained. “She’s not like other girls. Totally different. She’s so smart and pretty and knows what to say. She runs her own business. She lives by her own rules, she’s so brave and…forceful. She made me sit quietly until I had something real to talk about. Gah! I’m not explaining it right!”

My mother’s voice beaming she says. “Oh, I think I’m getting the idea.”

“I can’t stop smiling. I can’t sit still. I can’t stop thinking about her. I think I’m losing my mind. This girl’s done something to me.”

“I think she has.”

“GAH! I’m being so stupid about this! It’s just one date!”

“Dusty.”

“Mm?”

“Take a breath, my son.” She says with maternal warmth. “You will survive this.”

I laugh. “I hope so! Hey, is Ric there?”

There is a rustle as Mom covers the receiver and calls out to my brother. “Ric! Dusty’s on the phone.”

It warms my heart to hear his excitement in the distance. Mom comes back to say. “I appreciate the call, Dusty.”

“I know.” I say. “I didn’t mean to worry you. No more ruckus. Promise.”

“You just look after yourself, Dusty.” She says. “I love you.”

“Love you, Mom.”

“Dusty!” Ric’s too loud greeting nearly deafens my right ear.

“Hey, champ!”

“You have a hamburger?”

“I haven’t even had breakfast!” I laugh. “Hamburgers this early? You’re a mad man.”

He chortles. “You are!”

“You’re not wrong.” I take a breath and take a second to prepared myself for what had to be said. “Speaking of, I got into some trouble last night.” Ric goes quiet so I quickly continue. “Nothing so bad. You know us Radley boys, always raising hell.”

“Raising hell.” He repeats with no real enthusiasm.

“You might hear Dad cussing about me later. I deserve it. But everything is totally okay. Okay?”

“Dusty lost?”

“No. No, no, no. I’m not lost.” I assure him, trying to steer him away from the memory that those words brought back for him. “I’m right here in Halcyon. Sitting in my room.”

“You coming home today?”

OOF! I’d been soaring all morning but those four simple words from out of nowhere slam my feet right back to earth again, not in a bad way just…sobering. Swallowing the lump in my throat I answer. “Not today, champ. Not for a while yet. But as soon as I can. But I’ll call every night.”

“Dad cussed me today.” He mumbles. “I got jam on the cutting board. He was grumpy.”

“He’s a grumpy guy.” I say, struggling to keep my tone even. Dad was probably still pissed about last night and took it out on poor Ric. Fuck! “Don’t take him too serious, okay? Just leave him alone for a bit.”

“Yep.”

Not wanting this conversation to spiral and to leave Mom with an upset Ric I pivot. “Hey, remember the pretty girl I told you about? Dresses funny, drives an orange.”

“Sad girl.”

“Not so sad it turns out.” I say. “We’re friends now. We had pizza. She liked our picture. I think she thinks we’re cute.”

“Dusty made her happy?” His tone brightens.

“I sure tried. I made her laugh.”

“Man of the hour!”

“Too sweet to be sour.”

“OH! Look at the ducks, Dusty! Look! Look!” In the background I can hear Mom telling Ric that I couldn’t see the ducks. With saintlike patience she tells my brother to tell me what he was seeing. As I listen to them talk a pang of heartache strikes me as I am reminded how much I missed them. “The dad duck has a green head. Mom is all brown. They’re coming out of the water!”

“How many ducklings?” I ask as an image of the park I knew they were at materializes in my mind.

“Um…five?”

“Careful, they might be eying up your snacks.” I jest.

“They aren’t!” He says with a sudden rustle, most likely moving to protect his snack bag.

“Keep an eye on them. They look cute but they can be shifty customers. Can’t be trusted around snacks, kind of like you!”

His laugh gets my heart soaring once more. “Ha ha ha! No they’re not shifty. They’re coming closer!”

“Save the snacks!”

“Ha ha ha! Look Mum! Look Dusty!”

Mom’s voice is just audible. “I see them, Ric. Look their little tails wiggling.”

“Ha ha ha!”

I knew from experience that the ducks would soon pull him away from the phone.

“Hey, I gotta get to work.” I say. “You look after Mom okay?”

“Okay!”

“Love you, buddy.”

“Yep.”

A moment later the line goes dead. I stare at the phone, smile, then slip it into my pocket.

As if I wasn’t in a good enough mood already that call home had me feeling ten feet tall as I march out of my room to greet the day.